Hi everyone,
My name is Jamie, I am 27(almost 28) and I just left my husband of three and a half years. I have a son, who just turned three last week, a daughter, who is 20 months, and I am 16 weeks pregnant. My husband was just problem after problem and was ruining my life and my name, so I decided the best this would be to leave. I am living back with my father and my brother in my childhood home. I have had a history of anorexia and compulsive overeating my whole life. Things have been very different since I became a mother. I am no longer anorexic or want to be, but the compulsive overeating has taken over and I can't seem to live a healthy lifestyle that I want to. I have a food plan from my nutritionist, and I am also in school earning my BS in Nutrition Science. I would like to further my education after that as far as possible and become a R.D., however knowing the information and actually doing it are two different things. I feel like I am blocked spiritually, like I turn toward food instead of God or Friends, and it is ruining my life. I am only about 40-50 pounds over weight, which is mostly from all my pregnancies, however, I would like to be able to live healthy and get it off the right way and not the extreme dieting way, which I use to do when I was younger. I have created a schedule for my day, a plan of action if you will, and it works when I follow it. However, some days are not always perfect and I tend to be very black and white with my thinking. Something I need to work on. I hope to find support here and maybe a few friends along the way. Having a support system is very important for success for me and has worked in the past. Tomorrow is my start date. It is also my grandma's 75th birthday and we are going out to Olive Garden. I am planning on looking up their menu online tonight so I know exactly what to expect when I get there and have a plan of action. Planning ahead is always a good idea. Thanks for reading
Welcome. I can relate to your situation... I was a single mom with my first two children and I know that I can be hard BUT it is much better than being with someone that stresses you out or make you unhappy. I am presently expecting my 3rd (11 weeks preggo). I am about 80 lbs overweight and I definitely do not want to gain too much weight with this pregnancy... I would love to be your support system on this board
So what is your plan of action? food wise and exercise wise?
You sound exactly like me - WOW! I only have one child, but I do want to say that the history of anorexia changed with my pregnancy, and my nutritional therapy was the best thing that ever happened to me in the summer of '10.
She really noted my black and white thinking and I've been able to ease up on it. I do meal plan and pre-plan all days (snacks and meals), but I don't beat myself up over things not going exactly as planned. I'm still losing regardless. Actually, when I went to see her I was in "re-feeding" and gained 15lbs (though I went in to LOSE 20 and gain perspective). Despite the extra weight, something clicked during our sessions. My self-worth isn't tied to my weight at all anymore. I want to lose to wear clothes I like and to be more active and comfortable, but there is no pressure on myself to look or be like someone else.
Welcome! It's a great place with a lot of knowledge
Floprieto,
It is nice to meet you. Congratulations on your third pregnancy. It is nice to know I am not alone. I am only about a month a head of you. My due date is March 20th.
I have a food plan already. It is no sugar, no flour, and I try to concentrate on clean eating/whole foods/super foods. The food plan is has be eating a meal or a snack every three hours. I have been slacking off on the exercise. I plan on starting back up on Monday. But what I had planned what to wake up at 5am, have an hour of reading/jounaling time for myself. From 6-6:30 do some toning. And then at 7am take the kids on a walk. There is a nice park about 30 minute walk from my house. I want them to be able to play for a while and then we will walk back. That way everyone gets some exercise before it get too hot (we live in South Florida). I am a self help book junkie. I have many books to help with my eating problems and also how to become a more effective person all together. These things really help me when I do them everyday. I think I would like to journal some on this board that way I can actually get feed back. Having others support is really important to me.
I have only been back at my dad's house for about a month. It is a big transition for me. My dad is the only person in my life that I have a very strong desire to prove myself to. He is a very critical man and expects no mistakes. I think he was a main component to me developing an eating disorder. However, we have both changed a lot since I was younger. My mother also had/has an eating disorder. I want to break the cycle and not pass it to my own kids.
It was very embarrassing to me to admit that my marriage was failing and that I needed to move back in. I was hiding all my marital problems from him because I just needed him to finally be proud of me. From what my mother has told me, there was a lot of abuse when I was little in our home. I don't remember anything but the verbal abuse and she didn't elaborate to what kind of abuse. She did divorce him when I was about 2 years old and then they remarried later, to then divorce again when I was about 12/13 years old.
Most of my adolescence was in and out of hospitals, treatment centers, and therapy because I had very bad anorexia. I was told that I had signs of sexual abuse, which I believe because I have issues surrounding sex and intimacy. I know my mother had other boyfriends and she usually pics abusive men to fill her life with, she still does, so it wouldn't surprise me if one of them was abusing me at a young age when my parents first divorced.
All of this is behind me and I am not blaming them for my problems. I am finally taking responsibility for me and my children and doing what is best and healthy for us by leaving my husband.
He was not abusive, but he was just not and never was taught how to take care of himself or a family. He had got a young girl pregnant when he was younger and she was disowned by her family, moved in with him and his mother, fast forward 15 or so years, they were all still living with his mother and had three kids. The mother (my ex mother in law) raised everyone in a way that they didn't have to do anything or take care of themselves. So pretty much my ex, his ex, and my step kids are completely dependent on others.
When I met him I was 24 and he was 37, at the time that sounded okay. He looked like he had is act together and lied to me about his relationship status with his kids' mother. That was the beginning of a long hard road full of stress and disappointment. I should of known better, however I was very ignorant and lonely at the time, and I didn't see thing the way they really were.
Long story short, he barley pays the bill cause he can't keep a job, and we were living in a unhealthy environment, so when our power got turned off for the fifth time, I decided enough and got out of there.
So this is where I am today.
I am not mad or bitter about all the things I had to go through. It has made me a stronger, wiser person. I finally ask others before I make big choices, mostly because I don't trust myself. I am trying to get closer to God and follow his word also. I feel the bible is a instruction manual on how to live life, even though some of is may be considered old fashioned, I still believe in it. I am ready for this part of my life to begin, even though I know it will be a long hard road. My biggest obstacle right now is staying in school and finishing. I get financial aid right now. I may not be able to officially get a divorce till I am able to get my own job, because if I list my dad as someone who financially takes care of me, I probably won't get the government help that I need right now, so that issue is a tricky one.
Hi, Mucnchy
It is nice to meet you. I can relate to the re-feeding, however, it was reverse for me, I lost weight faster because my body was just so happy to have food. I am glad I was in treatment during that time because I was having to eat ever hour to two hours, which I probably wouldn't (at the time) been able to do for myself at home.
I am honestly not too proud of myself today. I did well last night. We went to Olive Garden for my grandma's 75th birthday. I ordered the salmon and broccoli. We did have salad which had croutons and then they brought bread sticks. I am on a no sugar no flour diet, via my nutritionist and treatment center. The science behind that is that it has been proven that sugar and flours react in a eating disordered brain much like drugs to a drug addict, or alcohol to an alcoholic. I knew i shouldn't have the bread stick and the croutons. I think I have this need to want to feel normal and act normal around my family. They did comment on how I ate all of my salmon and broccoli, which is healthy food, and how they all needed boxes. I felt kind of embarrassed by this. Am I not allowed to eat all my food? Even if it is healthy? We then went back to my grandma's house, where of course there was ice cream and cake waiting and everyone had and finished their plates. I kind of feel like this is the wrong message. I was too scared to say no, because they always make a big deal when I don't eat something, I guess because when I was anorexic, that was how I was all the time. My all or nothing thinking kicked in and I thought well, I already had bread sticks and croutons, i might as well have the desert too, so I caved. But, also, they made fun of me at the restaurant for eating all my healthy food. I don't understand. Maybe I am just too sensitive and too much of a people pleaser. My grandma then made me take home her left overs from the restaurant and the rest of the cake, which I tried to leave and she chased me down with it. She is such a food pusher and a chronic dieter and yoyo , plus she is diabetic. I think I need to start sticking up for me and my health. It isn't any of their business what I do and don't stick into my mouth anyways, so why do I let them be such influence. I use to be strong against this type of pressure.
Feeling negative today, angry and tense. I want to binge and it is giving me a headache. My daughter is still breastfed. I can't seem to get her weaned. I have tried about 5 times. She is also very super sensitive, like me. She has been with me everyday for her whole little life and needs constant attention, which is very draining for me. My son is funny cause he tries to hold her hand and take her outside in the backyard. I do a lot of stuff on the computer, research, school work, stuff for my recovery, and it seems like every time i start on something, she comes over to bother me. I don't know how to get her do be more independent. I really want both of them in preschool, being a ex preschool teacher myself, I know how important it can be for their learning. I just can't afford it. She has me so angry and annoyed that I want to eat. I haven't and I am trying to ask GOd for patience. I know that the fact that it has been raining all weekend hasn't helped either. I am hoping the rain is over, so I can start walking and get the kids to the park for some exercise. We are all going stir crazy.
So, I was doing pretty good. Had a day of clean eating, but caved the second day. I can't seem to point what exactly triggered me. Back on track today. I did go walking yesterday, which was helpful. I hope to get to be early tonight so I can wake up earlier to walk. Today is 90 degrees and being pregnant pushing a 70 pound stroller is not a good mix.
My car in being worked on, so that is a big help, because at least it will be easier to do things with the kids and take them places so we are not stuck in the house. I like walking to the stores that are close, but some days you just want to be in air conditioning.
Been feeling hopeless lateley. I know what I need to do but don't have the patience or energy to do it. I am feeling depressed, anger, rage sometimes, and my two little ones just drive me nuts all day demanding constant attention. I don't know want to do. I actually want to check out of my life all together. I am not a good mother because my eating disorder has a hold on me. I can't get close to God and don't have faith that he will ever help me anyways. I feel stuck and lost. I can't seem to get started on a positive lifestyle cause I hate myself so much. I want to go to therapy or group, but at the same time I want to isolate and hide from the world. Why is being happy so hard.
First off I am so sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed in an obviously crazy situation. But I want to tell you that you can do this! Having both your kids around all the time with no other adult helping is not easy. Can you put them in public preschool? I only have one daughter but she has cerebral palsy and is a quadriplegic. So I know how hard it can be when you need to give attention to your kids on an intense level. I get very little sleep as she cannot sleep for a decent amount of time and that is what triggers my stress eating.
Just know you are not alone and we all are here for you! You can do this! If you like I would be your buddy. I am on weight watchers for the first time because of the conveniance of it. If you are feeling low just pm me or write in this thread Good luck my friend and hang in there
Thank you Sun, for you kind words and advice. We don't have public preschool here. You have to pay. I have worked in the preschool for about 10 years before I had kids. They don't even really give you much of an employee discount. So, pretty much, with two kids, I would be paying more than $300 a week for preschool. I live in South Florida and many people are having a problem with the jobs here not paying enough to even cover living expenses. I am in school right now. I want to help people with eating disorders such as myself. However, I have to battle my own demons first. I am getting back into the OA program because I did have some good abstinence for a while doing that, and I need a good support system. My biggest problem is who is going to watch the babies when I am in group. The inpatient facility that I was in 2x and love offers alumni groups 2x a month, and they are less than a mile from my house, however, again, I need a babysitter and I can't even pay them anything right now. I am thinking about joining a small group at my church. I believe they have one for people with eating disorders also, and they are more likely to have child care. I am working at it one step at a time. I will start with meetings online, for some reason I am more likely to share at those than the face to face meetings. I did just get a sponsor, however, it is through email also.
I have heard many great things about weight watchers. My grandma does it but, I think she has a hard time sticking to anything cause she is always yoyo with her weight. I think that support is very important for success and weight watcher seems to promote that.
I am back on plan today, I was up late last night because I was catching up on homework, so I feel it is a little late to breakfast. I know it isn't good to skip meals, but I don't think doubling up is the answer either.
So my kids are doing real well here. My daughter is talking a lot and my son doesn't even ask for daddy. Big surprise there. I do have to work on them with discipline, they are getting testy which can be a trigger for me. I logged into Facebook today, seem my ex tried to access my account. Men are so weird. He is accusing me of dating someone else already. Om, Yea, I have two babies and I am pregnant, I am a real catch. Idiot. Finding a man is the last thing I want right now. I am not going to settle for anyone, he must be "Ian Somerhalder" perfect. LOL. My ex is not taking phone calls from me, which is sad cause I usually call so the babies can talk to him on the phone. He isn't even taking care of his other kids. The two daughters are living off the grandma who has no job and lives off of her ss checks. I still get food stamps for all the kids, so I am going to take her shopping and maybe she can watch the kids while I go to the doctor. Yea, haven't been to the doctor yet. Pretty sad that someone has all these kids and doesn't take care of any of them. I am probably going to have to file for child support.
Your husband is responsible for taking care of his children financially. You may need to go to court to get him to pay. It would be taken out of his paycheck. You should pursue this, there is no telling what will happen in the future. Follow up on this.
Thanks Bargoo,
I did start the papers, I don't have a printer so I forwarded it to my mom's work. I have to get the office where to take it.
So my day has been okay. I want to eat bad food, but I haven't I took the kids to the mall to get them out of the house. My ex is being a tard. We have been fine and friendly until I saw on his phone that less than a month after we broke up he is already talking to someone else. I am fine with that but I was kind of mad he was already moving on so fast. I guess he is mad that I saw it and the last time I called him he hung up on me when he heard me say hello. He is only writing to me in email and then trying to tell when I need to bring the kids, and that his daughter will call me to tell me when to pick them up, which is a 30 minute drive away. I am not a taxi service, plus he didn't even ask it those were okay days for me or if we already had plans. Plus, I don't like how he always uses his teenage daughters to do everything for him. It was the same way when we were together. I would ask him if he could change a diaper and he would turn around and tell his daughter to do it. I really don't want the kids around him when he is acting like this. He also tried to hack into my Facebook account cause he didn't know I changed the password, and I got a notification from my account. We haven't been fighting, but I think that it is hitting him that we are actually split up. I have been unhappy for a while now, and he knows that, so I guess that is why it is easier for me. Plus I am not focused on that, I am more focused on being healthy for my pregnancy and taking care of my kids than worrying about my relationship status. It is sad and pathetic for a 41 year old man to be acting like this.
Feeling horrible today. I am sick with with a cold and the kids are annoying me every second I try to sit and do something for myself. I am behind on homework, which is all due tonight. My daughter wants to be held all day. I don't know what a good balance is for this. When I was younger I apparently didn't get enough attention and now I feel I can't figure out what is a good balance my my own children. My daughter just follows me around all day whining. I can't get them to sit and eat regular meals. I find my self yelling at them cause I don't even know what they want. I hate this feeling of uncontrollable rage. How am I going to do this with another baby. I have not time for myself. I need time for myself and I also need time for my kids. I usually just start eating at this point so I am glad I am talking about it rather than eating over it. I am 21 weeks pregnant. As a ex preschool teacher, you would think I would be a wonderful mother. However, I tended to eat over the stress of that job too. I feel like a horrible mother. How do I balance all this out. I have no time for me and to work on my issues. I feel hopeless and like a monster. Am I going crazy??
Newly single mom of 2 + 1
