First things first, this is my very first time posting a new thread and I wanna thank you ladies! Even though I've been following the forums for a long time I just registed today and you all absolutely helped me reach my goal!
I'm finally at my loss goal, and now I'm really focusing on toning and firming up my body. With that, I'm now experiencing a lot of weird post weight loss emotions and complications and I'm not even sure how to explain them.
Warning..this is super long! I'm sorry but I would really appreciate your time.
The reason for this post is because one of the things I hate the most is the attention my "new body" is getting. When I first began losing, people noticed and would say vague things regarding the changes they were seeing and these comments definitely motivated me.
Now, I'm getting the "I didnt even recognize you!" and "How much did you lose?!" and "You look really good these days!" You all know the ones
These comments make me super uncomfotable for a lot of reasons and I dont know how to deal with them. People feel like its appropriate to state these things in social settings, aloud for everyone to hear.
I know this goes for the territory but it's throwing me off.
To be honest, the comment I overheard the other night is what motivated me to actually register for 3FC, because I really wanted to talk to someone about it, but I don't have support in my life.
An aquaintance was talking to a friend of mine at a small get together and apparently "just noticed" I lost weight. It blew his mind and he was asking my friend a bunch of questions within earshot of me. This person is known as kind of a jerk so I tried to ignore him. I then heard him say "she looks great! but thats not attractive to me because of what she used to look like"
:-/ Now its not that I even want this person to be attracted to me haha because I'm definitely not attracted to him but have any of you experienced this kind of thing?
Easier to say than do but ignore those comments. i would just say thank you to be polite and change the subject. People are often inadequate but you cannot change them. You work hard, you did this for yourself not the opinion of others.
What a jerk- screw him lol. I probably would have said "you are skinny, you've always been skinny, and I STILL don't EVER want to date you "
Or "I didn't lose weight for your ignorant arse..."
Makes me think he said that comment cuz now he IS attracted to you and is trying to deny it lol. You flaunt your new body in front of him
It's funny though- shoe on the other foot kind of story- there is a guy I know- total jerk- he was a big guy. He changed up his lifestyle and lost like 80 lbs, and he looks like a whole new person, good looking, all that. BUT he's still a jerk. When I saw him (he's a friend of my hubbys) I told him he looked great and my sister was with me at the time and when he left she turned to me and said "yeah he looks great BUT then you remember he's still a jerk."
I am very modest and have a hard time accepting compliments as well. I haven't met my weight loss goal, in fact I'm just starting, but I was a teen mom who overcame quite a few obstacles and managed to become very successful both in my professional life and as a parent. I can say that with pride, but when other people compliment me on those things I brush them off like they aren't important. I've tried to learn to just smile, say thank you, and change the subject. It's easier some days than others.
As far as that rude guy goes, you should be so proud of yourself for reaching your goals. Weight loss is not just a physical thing. It's psychological and very emotional before you lose, during loss, and sustaining. It's hard enough for us to gather the strength of character to overcome the obstacles, and it's just darn unfortunate that other people feel the need to drag someone down when they've worked so hard.
I'm not usually one for referencing the spiritual, but this really resonated for me today, and when I saw your post I thought it might resonate for you as well.
"Meanness is a virus. Insecurity is at the heart of every rivalry - when you are being mean it is usually because you perceive a threat... stop and identify what you are afraid of... ask God to help you... as Beth Moore says: Get on your knees and get help. Meanness is curable!" (Rom 12:17-21)
So just realize, when people do or say mean things, it's because there is something wrong in their lives. Hang in there.
First off- I imagine it's difficult to hear things like "I don't even recognize her" "she's nto even the same person" etc. But, guess what- it's true. Not just because you've lost weight, but because you've changed! Whatever made you decide to lose weight, and whatever efforts you have done to lose it, change a lot about who you are. You took charge of your own health, you worked your butt off (literally)- embrace it!
As for the dude- laugh. Seriously. If you even encounter someone that ridiculous- give them the "are you serious" look and laugh. You will meet guys that are shallow and obnoxious who will think they are better than you because they were never overweight. (women too) They like to feel like they are better than you by putting you down or making stupid comments. I like to prove to them that I'm better than them- because I don't care. Instead of feeling insulted- feel bad for him. It must be pretty hard to live that shallow and ignorant of a life.
As I was reading your responses I just kept nodding my head in agreement haha
@southlake youre so right, I have changed and when I look at old pictures of myself I dont see the same person and I certaintely don't feel like the same person. It makes me wonder why it kinda bothers me when others say the same thing. Youre statement about feeling bad for being like him is also true! Like webgirl said right before you, meaness is a virus.
This guy in particular is the kind of guy that resorts to insulting a girl if she denies him so I know it shouldnt bother me. I think what bothers me more if not knowing what others around me are thinking. I did this for me, but I can't help but wonder what goes through other peoples heads.
When people freely talk about my weight loss I feel like telling them that my body is not a topic for discussion, positive or negative.
omg i would probably have made some smartazzz comment back to that guy. i have gotten to where i just call guys out for stuff like that, or after having told me they had to have somebody who looks all such and such and then picking somebody who is fat, losing hair, whatever. oh yeahhh, i've seen it all and had enough!!
i've had all the compliments that may have come from a sincere heart but were incredibly rude, "you look sooooo good now!" "howwwwww much weight have you lost??????" very loud in front of whoever, as was the "welllll where's the rest of ya'??????" omg((((( "you look soooooo different, you look sooooo good!" " you dont even look like the same person" "oh, i didnt recognize you, you look sooooooooooooooo skinny!" ?? WTF???????????????????????????? why is this kind of stuff socially acceptable??????
What a jerk. You should be proud of yourself for taking the high road and not saying anything to him. If, however, he says something again, I would say something really long and drawn out to embarrass him like "REALLY? That's a shame, as the whole reason I lost weight was so that you would be attracted to me. The whole time I was working hard and struggling, it was for your benefit only. Every time I had the urge to quit, I thought about how you would be attracted to me and I pushed myself harder. Now that I know that you're not attracted to me, I guess that I'll have to acknowledge that now that I'm hot I don't have to settle for a douche like you and can get someone who has an ounce of human compassion."
So...he's not attracted to women that used to be big, and you're not attracted to insecure/inconsiderate/oblivious men who run their mouths without really ever saying anything.
Sounds like you're the winner of that situation!
Don't stress what others say. Seriously. People notice things, and people talk, but at the end of the day you get to decide which (if any) of those opinions truly matter to you. Take their comments, positive and negative, and use them as fuel.
Great points as always ladies!
Considering this guy is known for making rude comments (followed by a "I wasnt serious!) or texting girls rude/innappropriate things (followed by a text the next day saying "totally wasnt me, someone had my phone) and other things like that, I've never really taken him seriously.
sidenote: Does anyone know the Dane Cook skit "The friend that nobody likes" It perfectly fits this guy.
This isnt the first time hes made a rude comment to me and I never even gave it a second thought so I really think this guy is just kind of symbolic for my uncertainty in my body.
Maybe he could hear through the grapevine that you heard him talking about you and he needn't worry about his level of attraction to you - since you found him "resistable" . . .
OH my well I liked Rachael's comeback to that guy, but in real life I'm never that able to put sentences together when I'm PO'd!! Anyways what a jerk.
As for the comments, they make me very uncomfortable too. People just go on and on. I hear them talking about me as I walk by....I liked it at the start but all the attention is difficult to deal with, especially I think as a person who has been obese pretty much as far back as I can remember. Now, I just try to say "thank you" and move on and change the subject. Now they also want to talk to me about how I shouldn't lose anymore....I haven't figured out what to say to that yet.
I understand exactly how that feels! I've had similar comments thrown at me that way, at first they bothered me, but now I just brush them off. I used to have a crush on a guy friend that I've known forever. I weighed 250, and he KNEW I liked him, but wasn't into "big girls" Have you all ever seen The Mirror has Two Faces? Well, since weight loss, he's actually asked me if I wanted to "hook up" I stole Barbara's line when she told Alex "You aren't good enough for me" haha, it felt great, but if I wasn't good enough back then, how can he think he's good enough for me now?
Some guys are shallow. My favorite ugly comment was "I still wouldn't hook up with her because I know she has getting fat potential, and whose to say she won't blow up again."
Guys are horrible sometimes, I constantly ask myself why we have them...
In regards to comments, when I get the "you are so skinny, or tiny, blah blah blah" I kindly reply "Thanks, I worked really hard." And walk away.
Thank you for sharing your experience! It is really good to see that other people go through this too---I'm SO sorry you had to go through it, but I mean it is nice to know I'm not alone in a similar experience.
At one point, I got down to 150 (my ideal), and people told me so many things like: "you look like a skeleton", "you are too thin", "your face is too thin", "Stacey wouldn't eat that", etc., etc.
My point is, people have opinions about everything, and I don't know why people feel it is OK to comment on other people's weight. Mostly, I think people say things like this because they are insecure about themselves! They see something in the person who lost the weight that they really admire. That jerky guy probably was surprised that he was so attracted to you now that you are thin when he wasn't before (JERK!), but it probably bothered him a bit internally too.
I don't know if that makes sense, but what i can tell you is that I gained back the 40lbs (still kept 50 off!), mostly because I WASN'T COMFORTABLE with my new body!
I use weight as a shield, as a barrier to really being successful in life---so just make sure you know why you want to maintain the weight loss and be confident in who you are, regardless of what you look like
We are all beautiful, unique and special people deserving of happiness; so don't let some JERK take your happiness!
Uncomfortable Comments :-/
((((( "you look soooooo different, you look sooooo good!" " you dont even look like the same person" "oh, i didnt recognize you, you look sooooooooooooooo skinny!" ?? WTF???????????????????????????? why is this kind of stuff socially acceptable??????
