Not sure where to put this - comments that make you want to smack someone
Hi,
Not sure where to put this, so will try here...
Ok, so this is my third day of dieting, and while not cranky food wise, im about 10 seconds away from knocking out the next person who says any one or any combination of the following:
Your a good girl aren't you?
Oh? so your still on it? good girl!
Oh my aren't you being good
Wow, didn't think you would last THIS long
Im so proud of you, you havent cheated..... or have you??
These are up there with the
"oh, you would be so pretty if you lost weight"
"if you lost weight the boys would be all over you" - (im pretty sure my husband would LOVE that.... )
"Oh, if you only LOOKED as hot as you sound"
"umm, i dont mean to be rude but you should lose some weight" - uh yeah you did mean to be rude or you would have shut up.
and my favourite (usually from doctors/nurses) - Are you aware you are very overweight?? - i always demand to see a mirror when they say that and look totally shocked.
Anyways, sorry just had an extra special day at work.
Sorry you are hearing all the negatives. Try to let it not annoy you. Go on about the business of improving your health and they soon will be complimenting you instead of criticizing you.
When I was in my early twenties I was in awesome shape, worked out constantly and had great will power. I met my now ex-husband, gained 30 lbs. Divorced, lost 10. Met my wonderful boyfriend, who just happens to also be a WONDERFUL cook and gained another 20. I am at 183 and not happy about it. Hard on myself as is.
But......the kicker? Went to a dinner party at my Moms house a couple of weeks ago. Got out of the car, walked toward she and the guest (a family friend) and first thing she pointed out in front of everyone is how fat I have gotten. Gee, thanks Mom.
It took everything I had not to turn around and leave. But made me feel ever worse about myself and my weight than I already do.
Ya, people can really say some awful things...my top ones are:
From those trying to say you're fat without saying you're fat:
1. But you're just a big girl
2. But you're tall
3. You have big bones
From those who are just idiots:
1. Even if you lost weight, you'd never fit one thigh in that outfit (my SIL, who isn't usually an idiot, but was in this case)
2. OMG, you're just getting bigger every day (Well duh, I was 8 months pregnant at the time! The guy was the commander who made me wear PT clothes with my shirt tucked in and then told me daily how fat I looked in them.)
Hope you're hearing better things now! We all are cheering for you and saying that you're awesome!
I love the comments from the doctors, my reaction is usually, "What!!!! Really! OMFG! Are you serious, I was sure I was underweight *extremely sarcastically*"... then would go onto say, "oh by the way, I will no longer be needing your services, I'm going to find a new doctor who doesn't need to point out the obvious because of their low intelegance" and smile while I walk away with my customer satisfaction slip XD
I know this is the 30somethings but I had to jump in here ...
I get this from family, ~~Are you pregnant again? When are you gonna stop? Dh and I have 5 wonderful children ages 6 to 17
I also hear ~~ I remember when you where this big, {you know the hands showing the size you were}. Don't they think I also remember when I was that big and none of them are small.
and lastly ~~ you get that look and someone says, Lord have mercy, um um um! So rude, no manners at all. Makes you wanna say, we're not related. But I won't stoop to their level. I just smile and complain to my DH
Candy Love ~ one day we'll show up and say, How ya like me now? And watch their jaw drop as they say WOW Have a great day!
ok... I work for a thrift store... my boss who is UNDER weight, and catty towards me, found a donated scale, and took it around to everyone to see what they weighed ( i work mostly with women ). She of course ignored me during all this, knowing I am working on losing weight. Can you believe that. She talked super loud the whole time. "What do you weight liz?? wow Irina, only 120". Unbelievable.
I love the comments from the doctors, my reaction is usually, "What!!!! Really! OMFG! Are you serious, I was sure I was underweight *extremely sarcastically*"... then would go onto say, "oh by the way, I will no longer be needing your services, I'm going to find a new doctor who doesn't need to point out the obvious because of their low intelegance" and smile while I walk away with my customer satisfaction slip XD
I understand what you're saying, but what ARE doctors supposed to say? Ignore the issue? Beat around the bush and hint? Be blunt? Wait for you to mention it? And is there a "safe" approach that can be used on every patient; and if not, how are the doctors supposed to know which approach is best for each patient?
Not long ago someone on 3FC posted that she was angry that her doctor had never mentioned her weight, and that maybe she would have taken her weight more seriously if her doctor had pushed her to lose weight. She said that she didn't realize how overweight she was, because she assumed that if her weight were a serious health threat her doctor would have mentioned it to her. He didn't appear to be worried, so she wasn't either.
I've made many doctors extremely uncomfortable, by discussing my weight openly and without the least bit of embarassment. Expecting input from them, I got blank stares or blind panic instead (Obviously they were afraid that there wasn't anything they could say that wouldn't potentially backfire). To be honest, I'd rather get judgemental lecturing (I'm a big girl, figuratively as well as literally, and I can stand up to, and even "educate" doctors if I have to), than to have a doctor who refuses to discuss the topic for fear of pissing me off.
As annoying as an "insensitive" approach can be, I wonder if the Code of Silence isn't more harmful. We can talk about treatments for impotence, sexual disfunction, and mental illness (there are even ads for them on television), but we can't talk about obesity?
"You'd have such a beautiful face if you just lost some weight". Back in the deep, dark recesses of my mind, where things get pretty brutal, I thought "So, you're calling me fat and ugly." I then proceeded to think of the most brutal ways I could kill them for making such comments, before believing that I was fat and ugly.
"At least you haven't made it out of the teens" (pant sizes), referring to the fact that I was an 18 and I seemed to be getting fatter.
"You shouldn't be eating that", referring to any small slice of cake, pie or sweet dish. Dinners and lunches never bothered anyone, but desserts did.
"I lost 72 pounds in 3 months on XXX-fad diet" referring to those annoying TV and magazine ads that promise quick solutions. Same goes for the "DROP 5 POUNDS IN 2 WEEKS!" articles on women's magazines. What? If it was easy, we'd all be thin!
"I wish I had your willpower" referring to anyone who knows that I've lost about 60 pounds. I've felt like saying "you do have the willpower, but you're just not interested in challenging yourself to lose the weight".
"They certainly know the way to McDonald's", referring to DH's cousin (who is thinner than me, but not by much) to people who are overweight.
I don't mind that my doctor in the US said that I was "pudgy". I corrected him afterwards, saying. "I'm fat. Just say it; 'Mollie, you're fat'. You won't hurt my feelings. I know I'm fat". I'd rather that he tell me straight up that I'm on the way to many preventable diseases if I don't lose the weight. The silent thing bothers me, only because as a doctor, he's supposed to be taking care of my health. If he's negligent about it, then he's not a good doctor. Bedside manner is important, but some times it needs to be put aside for the sake of scaring the crap out of someone to lose weight.
I don't mind that my doctor in the US said that I was "pudgy". I corrected him afterwards, saying. "I'm fat. Just say it; 'Mollie, you're fat'. You won't hurt my feelings. I know I'm fat". I'd rather that he tell me straight up that I'm on the way to many preventable diseases if I don't lose the weight. The silent thing bothers me, only because as a doctor, he's supposed to be taking care of my health. If he's negligent about it, then he's not a good doctor. Bedside manner is important, but some times it needs to be put aside for the sake of scaring the crap out of someone to lose weight.
I respect what you, and another poster earlier in the thread said. People have gone around getting their feelings all hurt and have made fat into a feminist or human rights issue, when on so many levels it's a health issue. Just like I'd expect a doctor to tell me just what toll certain other behaviours of mine are taking on me physically, I'd expect him to say the same about my weight, if it were an issue. People need to get over themselves and recognise that obesity-related diseases aren't a joke. My father-in-law's out-of-control diabetes (and subsequent leg amputation and partial blindness) and now his kidney failure (he needs a new kidney, and is now on dialysis) are related to obesity. He acknowledges that he didn't take care of himself when he had the chance. It's a shame, but at least his doctors talked to him. It's sad that some people that need to hear it aren't getting the message because their doctors are afraid of offending them.
Bedside manner is important, but some times it needs to be put aside for the sake of scaring the crap out of someone to lose weight.
I think scaring the crap out of someone is rarely helpful, and never necessary, whether you're dealing with morbid obesity or cancer.
Being straightforward, even blunt is one thing, but intentionally trying to scare, intimidate, or shame a person into weight loss is not only inhumane, it's for the most part ineffective (Research has even proven that "scared straight" tactics are rarely effective - in the long run they actually tend to have the opposite effect, making the subject less afraid).
Doctors communicating the whys of weight loss isn't the problem. Heck most of us know the whys, it's the hows we need help with. Sadly most doctors aren't any more knowlegeable on the hows than are patients. That really needs to change.
I'm lucky to have a doctor that is very knowledgeable, and for once had some actual helpful suggestions, not just warnings. Although his recommendation to try low-carb, was so radical that I thought he was nuts, when he first suggested it (It took me almost a year and another doctor's recommendation for me to seriously consider it, because I'd been told so many times by doctors how "unhealthy" low-carb eating was).
My doctor referenced some research that found that low-carb seemed to be more helpful for folks with insulin-resistance, and warned me not to go "too low." When I asked "what's too low," he admitted to having no clue. Well that's no help, I initially thought, but I've come to respect this doctor more than any other. As it turns out, he's struggled with his own weight (even if it's only 20 to 30 lbsa at most), so he's not just knowledgeable, he's compassionate... what a wonderful combination.
No scaring was involved. I think most people need information, practical suggestions and support, not fear.
and my favourite (usually from doctors/nurses) - Are you aware you are very overweight?? - i always demand to see a mirror when they say that and look totally shocked.
ROFL!!!! This one made me laugh out loud!! LOVE IT!
Not sure where to put this - comments that make you want to smack someone
This one made me laugh out loud!! LOVE IT!
