[Tierracomplex]

Well, I've finally figured out that a big part of my weight issue is this crazy relationships that I've been in for years. Essentially, the guy that I have been dating who had said he was going to propose this fall told me he found out someone he was seeing (during one of our "off" times in the on/again off again relationships ) is pregnant.

After "slightly losing it" with him... I ended up finding that in an effort to drown out that frustration I've been eating like crazy. I actually ate half of a pizza hut pizza and a bag of caramel/cheese pizza.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to deal with these kinds of life stressors ? I can't eat myself out of them.

Thanks,

Tierra

[shcirerf]

Exercise, purge closets.

For this particular stress, ditch him for good, and find someone better, like yourself!

[chrystelle69]

Hey girl !

I know what you mean, After a year and a half of living together, my 10 years older boyfriend ditched me for a 11 years younger girlfriend with whom he had an "internet" relationship with. I had to move out of the house while he was chatting on MSN with her. It has been one and a half year now, and I have been eating a lot !

For me, It went like this : 6 months of no eating because I was so depressed and I lost a tons of weight. Then the second phase was the eating one where I was still kind of talking to him and running away from him at the same time...and I ate SO MUCH !

I still eat a lot, but I learned to manage all these hunger attacks. I had a food journal which really helped me. I would write down everything I ate and so therefore could identify what were the bad foods/habits that kept on coming back. In case, it was carbs and sugars. So i would set out little strategic plans to help me. One of them was how I noticed how when I go in a store to buy a milk carton, I would come out with a little cake or sweet healthy snacks. But when you go in a store everyday or sometimes 2-3 times a day, you can just guess what happens in the end. So then I would avoid stores. I would only go to supermarkets to buy my groceries, and even though I would still buy sweet snacks there, binging once/twice a week is still better than 9 times a week.

I also noticed how, in my case, the more I eat, the more I d get hungry. So then, when i felt like I was crazy hungry for no reason, i would just skip a meal or eat later. You just have to find out what works in your case.

My weight went from 122 (b4 breakup) to 115(breakup) to 127(coping) to now 120.

I don't keep a food journal anyway since I felt like I had enough control, but the bad eating habits are coming back.

The things you need to notice are:
-when do you tend to eat the most ? Why ? Is there a special place? What kind of food is it ? How do you feel when that happens ? How do you feel after you ate ? Are there other explanations ? Are there possible solutions ?
........
So girl, believe I know how you feel and how scary it is.
Just keep in mind that even if you binge sometimes, if it can actually give you some relief, it is not that bad. Your body is coping the way it can ! Maybe the day after you will not binge.
the most important is that in the long run you will learn to know yourself better, and do the things you need to be happier.

Jiayou ! -dimma

[QuaintPixel]

Omg Tierra, I wouldn't even be able to count the number of times that I have binged over something that happened with a guy. There have been other emotional upsets in my life, but none so poignant it seems than the ones that have involved men.

I think keeping a journal of what you eat daily as Chrystelle suggested is a great idea. I know the compulsion can be strong, but what helps me is that when I reach for something, I stop myself, at least for just a moment and consider how much I really need, then take a smaller portion than I originally intended and try to keep it at that.

Writing out my feelings without judging what I'm saying really helps me alot too. I've kept journals in the past, but due to having a few really embarrassing diaries invaded and read in my childhood, I learned to write them for a reader - totally PC, glossed over and at times so horribly vague that even I didn't know what I was referring to, years later. The journal I keep now would probably make sailors blush and elegant ladies faint, but for my own good, I have to write my true opinion of things that have happened so that it's not trapped to fester inside of me and making me feel frustrated and alone.

Besides that, I have started to talk about things again, like coming onto this forum, after a long period of keeping it all inside and I can already feel the difference it is having to open up about the feelings.

I myself have been involved in an on again/off again relationship with someone for the last eight years. No one in my family likes him because when he and I lived together years ago, he was abusive to me and my pets. It has been extremely difficult to let go because he was my first boyfriend and the first person who I let get so far past my emotional walls. We've tried second, third, fourth, etc. chances, just being friends and that kind of thing, but he is obsessed, stalkerish and always goes back to trying to have total control over me.

I have moved back in with my family in another state and have only stopped contact with him again for almost a month now, but I do intend to make it permanent this time; I have to, because I am too familiar with the pattern that keeps repeating itself. I wish you strength in this.

[Tierracomplex]

Thanks so much Janelle, Chrystelle, and Quaint Pixel. I really really appreciate the responses, advice, and the follow up.

I also very much appreciate your willingess to share your stories. It is at the same time comforting and scary to know that other folks are experiencing the same thing at the same time(all the way down to the pets). I am going to however use the information to work harder at investing in me... I think the exercising, journal, closet purging, and other ideas are great. In fact, I'm about to take myself (and my doggie) out now for a long walk.

Thanks again,

Tierra