Thinking about it just gets me boiling inside but I wanted to share because it still amazes me all the jerks that are out there...
About 4 months ago, I was at a grocery store with my mom and aunt. I was in the bread isle just looking at everything and in the same isle less than 30 feet from me was a guy and girl. I first glanced over and the girl was eating something. Anywho, she made a comment about how unhealthy the thing that she was eating was and then he said "yeah you better not eat too much of that or you're gonna look like that" Well, I was the ONLY other person in the isle with them. Then I heard continue to say, "you're gonna be big on top, with a muffin top too"
I was honestly baffled!! I was speechless and shocked. I did and said nothing, and they even walked by me to move elsewhere. I tried to brush it off but I ready to cry right then and there. Not too long after, me, my mom, and aunt were walking out and that couple was behind us. Conveniently enough, they were even parked RIGHT across from us, so the front of our cars were facing each other. I was fueling still from what that guy said that I just stared and stared at him and finally he saw me, and I didn't stop looking.
That was the first time, as an adult that I'd ever been insulted (that I knew of) by someone because of my weight.
That happened to me, except the girl said it directly to my face. I was working as a manager at a Flying J and was training a new girl. A customer was getting impatient and was like "Is anyone going to help me or what?" So I go yes just hold on one second and wait you're turn please. (There were people in front of her) So she finally gets to my register and I charge her for her gas and as she walks out the door she yells "Thanks fat ***" in front of God and everyone. It was humiliating and I didn't know what to say. I just go "Wow...." Everyone in line was like omg what a B****!! But I just started crying and hugging the trainee hahaha! So, I know how it feels but you have to realize they're stupid and you're so much better than them. They're the scum beneath your feet. :-) You're beautiful!!!
I've had that happen to me before, as I'm sure most of us have, and it does hurt. This may or may not help, but try to remember that hurting people hurt people, as they say. Some people in this world, for various reasons, just can't feel good about themselves so they try to make themselves feel better by hurting someone else. And they don't do it just with people who are overweight. It could be some skinny little thing with glasses who is getting called "four eyes" or something equally stupid. I have been overweight most of my life, so I've just about heard it all. One thing that helps me is, for better or for worse, my weight is part of what has made me who I am today. I know that because I know how it makes me feel, I would never deliberately treat someone else that way. I bet you are a much more compassionate person as well.
That being said...you can always tell them their village called and they want their idiot back...
I can't get over how cruel people can be!!! I know that sometimes people who hurt say hurtful things, but I also think that there are some who are simply rude and insensitive - and actually enjoy hurting others.
One day, I was looking at some clothes in the normal size clothing section, and a woman who wanted to look at the same clothes I was looking at said to me "The large size clothes are on the second floor!" - just to get me out of her way. At first I was so shocked, I didn't say anything . . . . then I turned to her and said very slowly, loudly and deliberately "YOU ARE VERY RUDE".
People can be so hurtful and rude. Many times it's not intentional, but sometimes it is and I think it's good to be mindful of that. DMB, I like the fact that you told the woman she was being rude. The fact that she didn't respond tells me that she totally intended to hurt you and chase you off, and she really didn't know what to say when you called her on her bad behavior.
Shame on her, and shame on the guy who was rude to CMR.
Rude, mean people are just that. It sucks and you want to punch someone but you really are better by letting it go. I did say something so someone one day to the effect of, "One day I might be the teacher that has your child and is the one who teaches him how to read. You'll thank me, then, instead of being so rude"
Then a friend of mine said something completely out of character one day, meaning she normally lets things go, but I guess someone annoyed her on line and was rude and nasty anyway to the checkout girl. She (my friend) made some comment about the lady in front of her's weight. I get that she was mad because the lady in front of us was a big old B to begin with- completely mean to everyone. I told her that rude does not beget rude and she should apologize and look at it another way...what if that lady, as rude as she was, was a brain surgeon or and ER doctor and she had to being her sick 2 year old to the ER one day. Do you really want that lady looking back at you and having the off chance of her remembering you calling her fat. Not that you should be nice for that reason, but I really don't think people think twice. Propriety seems to go out the window way too much. People are too intertwined to treat each other like crap.
I think we feel worse when we hold it in, and maybe not expressing ourselves, stress coping skills and our weight are related.
Working in service, I've learned that I really don't want to take that crap. Holding it in upsets me so much, I have to stop doing it and actually respond to the situation.
I really admire people who respond politely but frankly when they have been deliberately insulted, like souvenirdarling says. I think a response like doingmybest's is absolutely perfect. It's not starting an argument, it's not being confrontational, it's not making a scene, but just calmly saying "that was rude" (or something like that) is usually such an unexpected response, that it can lead to the person who made the comment being given the opportunity to really reflect on their behaviour and whether or not it was appropriate. I think that's always helpful.
As doingmybest says, you can't always know whether the behaviour was intentional or unintentional, and I'm not really an advocate of being openly critical and making a confrontation every single time someone or something upsets you, but in a situation like any of those described above, where someone is clearly behaving in a rude and offensive way, I think it really benefits everyone involved when the person who has been insulted has the confidence to openly express that. Too often I find myself muttering under my breath or passive-aggressively grumbling about someone after an incident, rather than ever saying anything (typically British!). I'd really like to either just let stuff go, if I don't intend to make any response, or develop the confidence to openly speak up when I think someone has been unpleasant.
This isn't weight related at all, but one time I was driving home from university and I reached a set of traffic lights at junction. The lights were green, and I wanted to turn out onto the road, but because the traffic was so heavy on the road I was trying to join, and the lights were about to change, I would have ended up sat in the opposite lane, blocking the traffic, had I forced through. This twit in the car behind me got into an absolute rage, I could see him in my rear view mirror literally shaking his fits and shouting "come on, come on!" at me, as the car was grinding to a halt in the traffic. When the car came to a standstill seconds later, I simply turned right around in my seat, looked him in the eyes, gave him my best, slighly patronising "...really?!" look, and mouthed very slowly "CALM. DOWN.". The guy looked mortified, and couldn't look at me. Seemed effective in making him realise that there's no way he would have behaved that ridiculously outside the little bubble of his car, and that his response was completely out of proportion to the situation.
Putting the shoe on the other foot, in all honesty, I definitely find myself making horrible comments unnecessarily from time to time (not about overweight people, but just generally), particularly if I'm in a rotten mood. I know I'd be absolutely mortified if someone called me on it, and I'd definitely think twice before saying anything like that again.
I love everyone's comments - because I have struggled so much with how to respond to people and how to handle this stuff internally.
I try to take into account other people's circumstances and I try to never hurt or embarrass anyone. When I spoke to the rude woman in the department store, no one was around us and I spoke calmly but firmly. I wanted to teach her that her words have an impact on others.
In my experience, I usually hold things in and that has really been bad for me.
On that particular day, I had had enough. I needed to say something.
I also know that being rude to other rude people can create more bad feelings and that letting it go can be a good thing. I think the key is in what we say and how we say it. In order for me to let things go, I need to be sure not to internalize what was said and not allow that to make me unhappy.
Last edited by doingmybest; 07-24-2010 at 11:09 AM.
"It's not every day I meet someone this classy." with a smile usually makes the point rather clearly.
Bwahahahahahahaha...I love it!!!
I'll never forget the looks that I got when I walked into Hollister. First off, all the little salespeople were young and thin and they had this look of disgust like "do you THINK we have anything that fits YOU!?!?!?" I swore after that day that I would never shop at Hollister again. I only did so then b/c my size 00 niece asked to. It might have been her choice, but it was MY money...and they can damn sure bet that MY money won't be spent in their store again.
I'll never forget the looks that I got when I walked into Hollister. First off, all the little salespeople were young and thin and they had this look of disgust like "do you THINK we have anything that fits YOU!?!?!?" I swore after that day that I would never shop at Hollister again. I only did so then b/c my size 00 niece asked to. It might have been her choice, but it was MY money...and they can damn sure bet that MY money won't be spent in their store again.
I know exactly what you mean!! I feel the same about Maurice's! Hateful people!!! I'm a firm believer that what you dish out will come back to you because I have witnessed that with people that made fun of me in school!! There are quite a few of the then pretty thin girls who have totally ballooned!
The world is full of ignorant people...as sad as that is!!
I always think, how do they know I haven't already lost 200 pounds (I didn't , but they don't know that) or say "Oh honey, I never thought I'd weigh 300 pound either. You never know where life will take you"
A$$munch!
The nerve of him
really sorry you had to go through that. what a total jerk and pathetic person he must be really insecure
, but they don't know that) or say "Oh honey, I never thought I'd weigh 300 pound either. You never know where life will take you" 
