Ugh, recently at work an unhappy client of ours came up to the receptionist desk to ask for a medication that I had previously spoken to her about. The receptionist was confused by this woman and asked who she spoke to about said medication. She went on to describe *me* as "the heavy-set blonde girl"...considering I am one of the 2 blonde girls who work at my clinic (the other being a petite-omgosh-im-so-fat-size-2 freak) ultimately I assumed she was talking about me. Of course everyone said "who? we dont have anyone heavy set here whos blonde" but I really took it to heart. I hadnt really considered myself "heavy-set"...maybe a lil chunky, until she said something...The funny thing is this lady outweighed me by at LEAST 100 pounds..so as a "heavyset" woman herself, she should have realized that *maybe* describing someone as "heavyset" would be hurtful.
/end rant/vent.
I teach adults English in Turkey. Turkish people find commenting on weight not rude at all. It is very common to tell a friend (or teacher apparently!) that they have gained weight. When I first started working here (a year and a half ago) i was bigger than i am now and i constantly had students asking if i was pregnant. Fast forward to this month, I had students start commenting on weight loss..."teacher, are you ill?". That actually made me happy, but then i over did it at lunch went into my next class bloated, and its back to pregnant comment. Apparently one of my classes thought i had been pregnant for weeks, but never said anything.
you just have to let it roll off your shoulders. At first the comments made me cry (seriously) but now i just laugh at their stupidity.
i saw this documentary about body sizes once, and there was a guy there that was only attracted to -clinically- anorexic women, he found the others ones too fat!
imagine how many comments he must've thrown about to normal women, calling them chubby.
just because there are stupid people out there it should not mean you let them affect you. they're stupid.
If she was a lot thinner than you and said that, I would have said she's a b*tch, and left it at that, but considering that she weighed a significant amount more than you, it's probably jealousy. She probably looked at you and saw a healthy, normal-looking, pretty young girl and decided to take out her bitterness on you.
That definitely would have hurt my feelings also, I'm sorry she said that.
But, I still maintain that things fly out of peoples' mouths without them even thinking about it. I doubt she had any cruel intentions behind her words. People either just don't think, OR they feel that they've worded things sensitively enough to get away with it. Us women, especially, internalize and marinate on every word when something like this happens that it's easy to work ourselves up and make assumptions that other people are out to get us, when really, it was just a dumb thing they said that they didn't give a second thought to.
People say this kind of crap all the time without even realizing it and I agree with you mkendrick, we really do internalize these things. I was a psych major in college and, I remember reading a study about how negative actions carry more psychological weight than positive ones- for some reason they just seem to stick with us longer and make us care more. Lucky for us, people on here are great sources of positivity!
maenad, I had a similar experience to you while living in Kenya. People would comment on my weight all the time! I would get so annoyed, even when I learned that apparently it's a compliment for someone to tell you "Ah, you've grown big!" In their culture, very few people are overweight and those that are are the wealthy ones with access to a Westernized diet of expensive processed foods. So, being overweight is seen as prestigious, but it still stung a little when people would comment so openly.
I find that I tend to think about things that upset me when I'm working out. I've started using it as a way to motivate me to work harder. Then afterwards I feel good about myself for working so hard
I haven't had anyone say anything to/about me negative in a while but I remember a few times in junior high and younger highschool when people would just make little comments. I don't think they even made them to hurt my feelings. They were more observational....idk but they really bothered me. Or if I perceived anything as a negative statement on my weight, I'd really take it to heart. I remember one time in junior high I was at church camp. I was probably around 195 at the time and 5'8'' and not as "fit" as I am now so I was about a tight 12 maybe a 14, which was a lot bigger than most junior high girls. Anyways, they were doing this thing where we paired up in teams of two and we had to get on our guy parter's backs ie piggy back and like hit people with balls or water ballloons. Something silly. Anyways, I overheard a friend of my partner's say something along the lines of "Be careful to not get a hernia, Jim." That one kind of pissed me off because I knew it was explicitlyl directed at me and it was worse because these were big football guys who would brag about being able to bench 200 plus pounds. Needless to say, I got out of the game. A counselor took pity on me. Other times I would get little comments from sports teams. I've leaned out a bit now/people have gotten more mature/I'm taller and I don't ever get comments. What weirds me out now is when friends or boyfriends who never knew I was bigger make comments about other bigger women they see that are really mean. They don't know I was bigger once but a part of me wonders if that's how they see me/if they would say that if they saw my size 16 self. Clownery.
When I went to Honduras when I was in high school the nickname the locals gave to me was "Gordita." Which literally translates into little fat girl. I mean.... they truly meant it as a sign of endearment, but wow.
If she was a lot thinner than you and said that, I would have said she's a b*tch, and left it at that, but considering that she weighed a significant amount more than you, it's probably jealousy. She probably looked at you and saw a healthy, normal-looking, pretty young girl and decided to take out her bitterness on you.
Dido, with sunflowergirl. Plus thier just stupid people. Your stronger then them, don't let it get to you. Besides we are all here to back you up.
I haven't had anyone say anything to/about me negative in a while but I remember a few times in junior high and younger highschool when people would just make little comments. I don't think they even made them to hurt my feelings. They were more observational....idk but they really bothered me. Or if I perceived anything as a negative statement on my weight, I'd really take it to heart. I remember one time in junior high I was at church camp. I was probably around 195 at the time and 5'8'' and not as "fit" as I am now so I was about a tight 12 maybe a 14, which was a lot bigger than most junior high girls. Anyways, they were doing this thing where we paired up in teams of two and we had to get on our guy parter's backs ie piggy back and like hit people with balls or water ballloons. Something silly. Anyways, I overheard a friend of my partner's say something along the lines of "Be careful to not get a hernia, Jim." That one kind of pissed me off because I knew it was explicitlyl directed at me and it was worse because these were big football guys who would brag about being able to bench 200 plus pounds. Needless to say, I got out of the game. A counselor took pity on me. Other times I would get little comments from sports teams. I've leaned out a bit now/people have gotten more mature/I'm taller and I don't ever get comments. What weirds me out now is when friends or boyfriends who never knew I was bigger make comments about other bigger women they see that are really mean. They don't know I was bigger once but a part of me wonders if that's how they see me/if they would say that if they saw my size 16 self. Clownery.
wow, I can relate you. I'm still in highschool, and well I'm not fat-but I was bigger when I was younger. I'm so sorry, I believe to be respectful to all people. This made me think of that, instead of saying, "that black girl" I say the one with long curly hair, or the guy with brown/blonde hair. And it I'm talking about someone who's alittle bigger-when you don't know names-I'll say the one with short brown hair or the girl with green eyes. Something like that.
But anway, that's just so rude of them! You should maybe confront them on that, and not just be silent. I'm sure they don't really see you as that, but it makes me question what kind of people you are hanging around. Your a differenet wiser person now, stand up for youself and don't get down on yourself. They have no balls anyway! pshhh
Also this makes me think of yesturday, at school before first period there was a line of guys blocking the hall way, as a joke for some reason. A girl infront of me squeezed threw. But to do that your boobs have to squeeze threw too. This mad me really angry-becuase thier guys of course they wouldn't miind that. I had to get to class, I was soooooooo tired of people, and I felt crappy yesturday. So I push one guy really hard-I used to do karate so I do have strength I'm not muscular though hehe-it was like moving a feather. I'm quit, but I stick to my guns when I have too. I'm spicy like that, I just wish everyone could push a guy like I did when they diserve it!
Anyway, I also was smily and said, "Excuse me." They were like, "Whooooaaaaaa!" you know guys always do that, when something happens. I beat the guy I pushed thought I was a guy form the way I pushed him. ahaha, this makes me smile. But then one guy said," Someones on thier period." Ouch. But, I still went to class pretty happy, becusae I pushed someone, and it felt reaaaally good. I felt like I stood up for myself. I'm not just going to take that. Gezz. Stupid inconsiderate people.
When I went to Honduras when I was in high school the nickname the locals gave to me was "Gordita." Which literally translates into little fat girl. I mean.... they truly meant it as a sign of endearment, but wow.
When I was about 8 or 9 I was enrolled in a dance class. In my group of friends were identical twins - their family members openly referred to them as "la Gorda" and "la Flaca" (skinny one and fat one) despite the two girls being pretty much the same weight. It didn't faze me at the time (our group of friends still called them by their real names and many Latino kids have a family nickname), but now I sincerely hope that the girls weren't scarred by it.
Since this has kind of become a story thread, I have one from today..I was at the mall with my friend looking at rings from a vendor person (not sure what you call them, the people who rent space in open areas of the mall). I told him i had big fingers (thanks to my weight - i dint say THAT part) and I really really liked the rings, they were sized metrical so the man said i would probably need like size 20 or 21.
20 was pretty good but 21 was loose. I loved this one sized as a 21 and I said, "I love this one but its just a little lose" and he said trying to be funny "Go eat a couple cheese burgers and I'll be it'll fit." I wanted to say EXCUSE ME? But instead I just laughed and said "oh, nah, I'm trying to lose weight..." But it still irks me
People suck sometimes. I was in the kitchen at work one day (I work in an office) and someone in our department was in there and she asks me "have you gained weight?'" I didn't even know what to say. Who SAYS that? Granted, I was wearing one of those loose shirts that are really popular right now, so that probably had something to do with it. I do need to lose weight to get into the normal BMI range, but I am NOT that big. Thing is, I don't think she meant to be rude. She's just a talker. One of those people who says whatever is on their minds.
A non-weight related story...
I am very, very fair skinned. Like, it's hard to find make-up I'm so white. I was at the grocery store last Easter time wearing a sundress, so my shoulders/collar bone area was exposed. The cashier asked me, "Oh my god, why are you so white? are you sick?" I just said, "no, I'm fair" but what I wanted to say was "do you ask black people why their skin is so dark?" I've also had cashiers tell me I should get tanning lotion as well. SUPER rude.
The Stupid/Rude Things People Say....
