I just found out that a person I havent seen in 20 something years is coming to town. In jr high we were the best of friends. he saw my name on another site and contacted me and we have a emailed each other a few times and now he is moving out of the country and wants to come back to his hometown before he leaves and I am avoiding him like the plague. I have purposefully not responded back to his email because I dont want him to see me like this(100 pounds overweight). I am so sick of living like this, but I know me and I wont see him.
My cousin was in town this week and I had a picture with him and just couldnt believe how enormous I am. It was a side profile and I was just shocked at myself. I mean my head looked like a baseball on a watermelon. What is so wrong with me that I cant get it together and do something to lose this weight. I have done enough belly aching to cover half this forum but I cant get past that and do something. Its like I know I'll fail so I dont even try.
Anyway, I am the type of person who needs someone to help me. To encourage me, be there with me, and so on. I have no friends just my sister who also wants to lose weight but will not partner up with me. She tells me she just wants to do it on her own. Which she has yet to. She just refuses to help me so I feel so alone. Good grief, could I cry anymore? Actually yes I could but I wont drag on. I dont know what I need, but I need something
Hello!
You have come to the right forum. Here are many people can help. Don't be sad. You shoud make some lose weight plans. Don't eat too much hight fat food. do more exercise.
I understand totally where you are coming from, I also avoid all sorts of social engagements because I don't want people who last saw me when I was thin to see me now. Then I sit home on Friday and Saturday nights feeling pathetic and wishing I had someone to go out with... pretty obvious solution to that one!
I know its harder to do than to say, but I think you should go and meet with him or you'll regret missing the opportunity. I wouldn't be at all surprised if it all goes a lot better than you anticipate, I've often found that I've blown the issue of my weight into a much bigger deal than other people have and while I've been letting it hold me back they just notice oh yeah, she's fat, and move on.
I'm not recommending them without you consulting your doctor first because they have risks associated with them, but I'm now taking Meridia and it is making an enormous difference. I have been trying to lose weight for ten years and just getting fatter and fatter and more and more miserable. The tablets are my motivation. They haven't made it easy and I still have to put a lot of effort in but it's now doable - I can consistently make good choices and I no longer think about food all the time. I've lost 25 pounds in 10 weeks and feel like I can keep going for the next 25.
Either way, this forum can be your motivation and provide your weightloss friends. Keep coming back and you'll soon find that lots of your feelings are shared by people on this board some of whom have learnt how to deal with them and who can share advice. Plus you'll always have someone to "listen" to you (I know via text!) and help you along your journey.
I just have one thought to share--if you're making it a condition that you have to have support from someone else in order to lose weight, you are making it harder than you have to. Ultimately, it comes down to you alone. That doesn't mean you should go without having a support group--everyone can use that--but no one can be there to watch over every bite you take. You have to put forth that effort.
Have you considered joining Weight Watchers? Some people really benefit from a real-life support group like that.
In any case, you are stronger than you think, and you can do more than you can imagine. No need to cry. You have what you need right now!
I completely agree with Jayell's comments and suggestions.
This journey has been one of the most internal things I have ever, ever been through. My support is here at the 3FC. You don't NEED anyone but yourself to accomplish your goal. There are plenty of chics here that will help you along the way but ultimately, it's you doing the work and you making the decisions to be healthy each and every day.
WW does sound like it might be up your alley.
As for seeing your friend I really would. If he was a good guy way back then, chances are here is a good guy now. It really is more than that though. You need to move forward and accept yourself with the knowledge that you are doing something about being unhealthy. Once you make choice, you will be surprised how fast you will start feeling more confident about you. You can start that journey right this very moment.
YOU need to want to lose weight. YOU need to push yourself. Because in the end all you have is YOU! There is no one in this world who cares about you more than you. I think for me it was about loving myself enough that I needed to take care of me. I cried many tears over being almost 400 lbs but when the chips fell it was up to ME to do something about it.
Stick around here. We'll support you, give you challenges, meal ideas. WE love you already... now you have to love yourself, get your butt out there and do this!!!!
I know exactly how you feel, and so do most people at 3FC. I would definitely email him back, it's not polite to leave him hanging. If you would like to see him, I would definitely go see him, even if you feel embarrassed initially I don't think it will last long. If you don't want to see him, then I would just let him know you won't be able to make it, and send your apologies.
As for your weightloss progress, if you need someone to help you have you considered hiring a nutritionist or dietician? Many hospitals have them, and their rates are pretty reasonable. Have you considered hiring a trainer? If you can't afford one, ask your local YMCA because a lot of times you can see a trainer and it's included in membership.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you that you can't "get it together and do something to lose this weight." There are so many factors in losing weight-- emotional, circumstancial, chemical, biological. Yes, it IS just a matter of eating less and moving more, but there are a lot of underlying issues that make it more complex. Otherwise, everyone would be thin.
I've just started my journey, which I was reluctant to begin to because I was waiting for that "lightbulb" moment where everything would just fall into place and I would know this was the time.
I often didn't start because I wasn't committed and I knew that I would fail also.
But something one of the ladies said on 3FCs the other day really clicked for me -- fake it until you make it.
So, I've pushed forward with that in mind. Not thinking I will fail, but thinking that even if I'm not the most super-duper committed, I can surely fake it 'til I make it. So I have for the past couple of days and we're plowing ahead today.
As for seeing guy, I would just do what's comfortable for you, as long as you email him and let him know. If you think you will regret not seeing him, go for it. You might be surprised at what he looks like after all this time!
Sweetie if he was your best friend then, he will still be your best friend now. Weight is such a superficial thing. We all change over 20 years. Its called aging and there is no cure for it, LOL My guess is he will still see you as you were then. If it makes you feel better, you could always email him beforehand and let him know your concerns. Have faith and confidence in yourself, you are worth it!!
You said, "Its like I know I'll fail so I dont even try." Now I don't think I have to tell you that this is sooo not the attitude you need to have if you are going to take this journey to better health. It is a slow process and it will only happen if you make the effort for yourself. Like the others have said, it is great to have a support system but you need to be your own loudest cheer leader! Take baby steps, journal, drink water, exercise, eat healthier.... or, do nothing.... the choice is ultimately yours. Nonetheless, the time will pass whether or not you make changes. How you want to spend that time is up to you.
As for your sister, perhaps she isn't ready to make a change yet and that is why she is reluctant to join you. Or, maybe she really does want to do it on her own... I think the best thing you can do is talk to people who are ready to be healthy... like the fine people here on 3FC.
And in regards to not seeing your friend, I think we've all been there. It can be really hard to face people when you've gained weight... I think mostly because it means facing yourself and acknowledging where you are today. I know I've been there...
Good Luck with everything! Stick around, post often, and remember we are here to help.
Thank you for your kind words I have come here a few times to vent my feelings and last night and recently really I have just been feeling desperate. You all say the right things and things I need to hear. Somehow I need to start feeling it. Or may be not, maybe just do it even without feeling it.
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I've just started my journey, which I was reluctant to begin to because I was waiting for that "lightbulb" moment where everything would just fall into place and I would know this was the time.
Yep thats me all over. The lightbulb moment. I know in my head it wont happen like that but still I wait for it. Like I need the Big permission to get started. I guess I need to get over the excuses already.
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And in regards to not seeing your friend, I think we've all been there. It can be really hard to face people when you've gained weight... I think mostly because it means facing yourself and acknowledging where you are today.
Yep. I feel like people who look at me like this see me as a failure and I feel that way too.
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You might be surprised at what he looks like after all this time!
He is gorgeous, GQ, world traveler, humanitarian, fit as a fiddle. Hikes, bikes, and all that good stuff. Me, fat housewife. lol
Just to make you feel not so alone, I am refusing to go to my high school 15 yr reunion because of my weight. I refuse. But currently, I am on the right path to weight loss. I hope you can find the strength to find out a plan you can work with so you can also start losing lbs. Maybe you can find the courage to go ahead and see him, and tell him you are insecure about it, and he will understand if he's a TRUE friend, like others have suggested. Good luck honey....
^^^^^ go to your reunion! I was worried about my 20th for the same reason but you know what? All the hot guys were bald and all the cheerleaders were fat and no one whispered about me behind my back. I had a fabulous time and reconnected with some old friends and it was all good.
Here's the deal. I've been fat my whole life and sure, I've avoided some situations because I was too embarrassed about my weight. (I skipped my 5 year high school reunion because of it, among other things.) I have never skipped something because of my weight and felt like I was glad I skipped it. I've always regretted it. Like when my friends from high school whom I still talk to told me how the reunion was a blast and they stayed up until 4am drinking and hanging out. I really wished I would have gone.
You only live once... who cares how much you weigh, just go have fun and visit with this person. You can't let life pass you by because you're ashamed of your weight. Get yourself a killer outfit, do your hair and makeup, and please go... do it for all of us!!!
Ashamed
I have come here a few times to vent my feelings and last night and recently really I have just been feeling desperate. You all say the right things and things I need to hear. Somehow I need to start feeling it. Or may be not, maybe just do it even without feeling it. 
