Ugh...I get so annoyed when people give men excuses simply because they are men. I think he knew that he was being offensive; however, he may have been trying a tough love approach. If he was sincer in his curiosity, he wouldn't have asked it loudly and just as your were leaving. My mother tried this approach with me after I gained weight. She called me a fat pig and made comments about my body and I even got comments from acquaintances when I went up to 160. Before my weight gain, people commented on how skinny I was, the way that I talked, the way that I carried myself, etc... If it's not one thing it's another.

It's amazing how many grown adults can be so hurtful. I got teased ALL THE TIME in school, very badly. But you don't think it's going to continue on with adults - and it shouldn't. I've had "friends" and even relatives make comments over the years and it hurts more than they will ever know. But I just don't think they will ever truly understand that what they say is hurtful. I think the trick is to try and forget what they've said as soon as you can, and keep moving forward. DON'T QUIT because of how they make you feel. You keep going until you reach your goal and then no one can ever say anything to you again.

Remember, DON'T QUIT - we're all here for you!!!

Stacey

I also think people should be forbidden from saying, "You look so tired!" Isn't this just another way of people saying, "You look lousy" but they try to come across as just being concerned?!

Ann

In some cultures it's considered a compliment to be called fat. Definately not ours and the original poster didn't say this guy was from another country so I'm assuming he's a home grown jerk who doesn't pay attention. (Oops , I'm letting a little of my personal feelings out....better stop)

My dh had a friend from his home county that would visit us occasionally, each time he came he would say, "My you're looking very fat." After the third time, I asked him if he was planning on staying in the US. He said yes,
"well, let me tell you something. Do not say to anyone they look fat. I don't care if they are as big as a house and have put on a 100 pounds since the last time you've seen them." He was very apologetic and went on and on about how in his country it was a compliment because it meant you were prosperous to have more then enough food. Later he asked me what he should say to a hostess when he visited... I gave him a list of polite things to say, we actually went over several common questions/statements from his country that I had to flinch when I heard.

Sarah

I'm glad you told him that Sarah...can you imagine what a social disaster he would be if he were to say to the hostess: You are looking fat this evening!

Hmmm. I don't think so. I just said this to somebody and it was because she was yawning and looked really tired. I was concerned about her because she's going through a tough time. Sometimes people are just concerned because you really look tired. :-)

Karma

Hey Julia, were you featured on I Lost It? You're a motivatational speaker now, right?

Karma

This resonates a lot with me. Only one person commented in the 5 years I was piling on excess weight. At the time I was crushed, but now I wonder if I would have come to my senses sooner if other people *had* let me know they noticed my gain. Probably not, but it makes me wonder nontheless.

What really sucks is to get that kind of comment when you're already working on your weight. I tend to agree witht he posters who said that your friend probably wasn't trying to be unkind. As hard as it is to comprehend, a lot of guys just don't think before making observational comments like that. He probably forgot about it as soon as he said it too, clueless to the effect it would have.

I don't understand some people...they have no sense....I would of acted the same way that you did...b/c im sure it caught you off guard

Sometimes people are just pointing out things because they care
and other times because they are jerks and meaning to be hurtful, my husband family trying to give me advice on weight loss was annoying but well meant but I remember people who were not trying to be so helpfull....

I could name more than a dozen through out my entire life... I remember when i went into a liquor store when i was 21 and there were a couple of collge age guys there...they saw me and my fiend walk in, she was also big and they started asking loudly for fat ******* beer, several times, we knew what it was about but you bet if i hadnt been afraid of going to jail for the first time i would have popped them in their mouths....

It's the same thing with anything else, they could have been talking about my clothes my hair my car my walk ANYTHING....they were making fun of ME and weight is just another thing that made me....me, and it bugs the **** out of me...hence the anger...lol

I just recently moved back to SC from Florida, where I just let myself go, to say the least. And every time I see someone I haven't seen in a while, they make a comment about my weight. And I try to laugh it off, but it makes me so frusterated. I'm thinking, "Oh reallly? Well I didn' t notice my own size!! Thank you so much for informing me! I'll get right on that!!" They should think to themselves, if I notice that she's gaining weight, surelyl she does and she can't be too happy about it. But, people don't think. So as my husband told me (who is also insensitive at times, unintentionally) just use it as motivation!

I know how you feel, i was working one day and this little girl in the store says to me " you look like my teacher, except, she's thin" and their were so many people around i felt humiliated. Then another time, and i've never told anyone this because i felt so bad about myself, i was only like 12-13 and i was at this religous convention and i was waiting in a line to go to the bathroom and this women asked me if i wanted to go to the bathroom ahead of her, and i said um no thanks and she said o well it's just because i remember when i was pregnant i had to go to the bathroom a lot! I was like o my word, I didn't even reply to her i was so embarassed I felt so terrible, and i was only like 12, it was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

Ok, I believe in giving what you get. Sorry, but you needed to put this jackass in his place. I would have said something like, "Sure, why is it a problem with you?" By the way, but have you been losing your hair?" "You look a little bald to me." Would have probably shut the jerk right up.

Last year I was sitting and waiting for my husband to get our luggage from the carousel at the airport. Now, understand I am an obese woman. I was sitting behind this guy who was talking to a couple people he was with and he says to one of them, "Boy, does that girl have a big ***." (this was a girl standing at the carousel watching for her luggage) I said, loudly, "Not as big as yours and her mouth isn't as big either." His friends cracked up and he turned around and looked at me and I said to him, "You are really an *******, do you know that? Who died and made you God, anyway?" "I hope neither of these ladies you are with are your mama cause she should have beat a little respect into you!" I got up and walked over to my husband and stood with him and when we left he was glaring at me. I smiled and said something like, "Have a lovely evening." I never let people make remarks about me ever. I get up in their faces. You know what reward I get for that? Rarely do I find people standing with their hands around their mouths talking about me and like I said, I am a very big woman. I go to the pool and swim, I walk in the mall and I look folks in the eye and smile and say hi, etc. If you can't be happy with yourself, no one else is going to be with you either.

Just my two cents worth here, but next time something like this happens, stand up for yourself and be proud of the overweight you! There is nothing wrong with you and everyone is beautiful even us fatties!

Faye

You said he said those comments loudly??? I'm sorry to say this but if he did, then he's not your friend. It sounds as if he meant to say it, and say it "loudly" makes it sound as though he intentionally meant to hurt your feelings, and draw attention to the fact. In my opinion, maybe he did notice your weight loss, and instead of complimenting you, he decided to try and go the other way.....But you go girl....