I am close friends with a girl named Jennifer that I have known since kindergarten. We attended a private Catholic school in a small town. Most of the students in the school were from upper middle class families. I was one of the few kids who was poor and came from a single-parent household. (This is the 1970s and there weren't a lot of single-parent families at the time.)
Anyway, my experience at the school was mixed. The rigorous schooling laid a strong foundation for future academic success, which I eventually took advantage of. On the other hand, stressful school social dynamics affected that success. I was picked on quite a bit from second through sixth grades. It was never quite clear what started it (too big, too poor?), but I knew early on I wasn't accepted by the majority of kids there. It eventually came down to me being teased about a particular embarrassing incident for many years (by kids on the schoolbus of all ages), spending many recesses alone, and having to be assigned a partner in gym class because nobody wanted to be mine.
Seventh and eighth grade weren't too bad, and then by ninth we all scattered to either the private Catholic school or the much larger public school. I went to the public school, and thankfully the social dynamics changed for almost all of us. I was happy to be anonymous, and chuckled when a popular kid wasn't getting the kind of attention he was used to. During this time, Jennifer became pretty good friends and remain that way today. We've never talked about the teasing. She was part of the private-school popular group, but never was one to tease others.
The other day, she let me know she found one of our classmates, Kimmie, on facebook. She was very excited, and probably expecting me to be thrilled. Kimmie was one of the kids who brings back bad memories for me. I pretended like I didn't quite remember her, confusing her with another girl who had a similar name. Jennifer pointed out her awesome blog and photos because she now lives in Paris. Normally, I would be all over that, but I glanced at her page and made a comment that I didn't recognize her, but she's pretty and looks like a cousin of Jennifer's.
I basically figure those people are not worth remembering, so if prompted I pretend to struggle to remember who they are. I haven't forgotten them and I don't like to lie, but I don't feel like saying "yeah, she insulted me every day for a time." I'm surprised that this incident brought me right back to those days and the awful feeling of not belonging and wondering when you're going to be picked on next. That was a daily feeling for me for several of my childhood years. Ick! I am so glad that reality was temporary and feel like I have moved on. I am also sure it was one of several factors contributing to my 20 years of adulthood obesity.
Anybody else have experiences like this? How have you handled when someone prompts you to reconnect with someone who previously shunned you?