Quote:
Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny
It does bug me that I hate being judged for how I look and yet I want to look better. It's hard to reconcile those 2 opposite feelings. I hate the judgement people place on women's look yet at the same time I wish I could fit the ideal beauty. It's nuts.
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It can be irritating to be judged on our appearance, but we can't control what other people think. What's the sense in worrying about it? If your colleagues and fellow NYers choose to view others through a lens of ignorance and arrogance, that's their problem. And you never know, some of them might be more accepting than you think. Is the only reason you want to look "better" because you think people will be more accepting of you? 'Cause that doesn't sound like a very healthy motivation. OTOH, if you want to lose weight to attain things that you have more control over (e.g., clothing selection, personal satisfaction when you look in the mirror, moving closer to your vision of ideal beauty in a safe and sane manner while realizing that no human being can actually achieve that type of perfection (and anyone who did would still grow old and die, anyway)), that sounds healthier. I think the feelings you're describing are only really oppositional if other people's opinions (real or imagined) are the primary reason you want to lose weight.
I've known several quite heavy people whose opinions and participation are valued at work and/or in their social circles. Given, most of them lived in places with higher obesity rates and less neurotic (although not necessarily less dysfunctional!
) attitudes about the human body than are apparently present in NYC. I don't know what these folks' feelings about their weight were. I know some of them tried to lose (with varying levels of success), while others seemed pretty content. In general, they were hard workers who spoke up when they had contributions to make, let their personalities show, and didn't put up with poor treatment at the hands of colleagues, "friends," or random jerks.
Personally, I've felt ignored because of my weight many times, although it seems to happen much less often now than it did when I was in my early 20s and at a lower weight. In fact, for the past few years I have hardly ever felt like I've been ignored or put down because of my weight (or for any other reason). Learning not to doubt my worth as a human being and becoming more comfortable and confident in who I am has been tremendously helpful. Learning not to get hung up on the actions of others and having a sane and functional work environment has been helpful, too.
On an unrelated note, I'm not sure that fat guys have it too much easier than fat women. Some guys really seem not to give a flip and live in environments where their weight isn't a social or economic handicap, but my impression is that a lot of overweight/obese men and boys do have negative experiences and feelings related to their weight.
