I literally just wrote an entire post on something similar. I've been thinking about it being back at my highest weight, and because I was taught that being "fat" does mean you will be treated differently, ignored etc.
But aside from noticing less random male attention when bigger (holding doors for example) I actually have noticed in my life that the majority of people don't ignore or avoid people based on weight. Sometimes people that are over weight lack confidence so they are less likely to engage people so they perceive that as others ignoring them. Or maybe there are other reasons that people are ignoring someone that has nothing to do with weight. But over the years, all the people I've met that are nice, fun, kind, happy people are liked, talked to, acknowledge etc no matter how big they are.
There was a scheduler at one of my jobs that was idk, maybe 400 lbs,. She was a really funny, nice person, and was outgoing, liked, talked to, and invited out with the single ladies to bars and stuff on the weekend (I'm married so myself and the married ladies did not go out weekend nights with these ladies! lol). Her weight was no issues what so ever because she was a person people liked being around.
I gave a few other examples of people I know in the post I put up.
But no I don't think most people ignored based just on weight. There's "something" that you are putting out there that people are not wanting to be apart of. Either you need to be more outgoing, or evaluate how you communicate with others.
Last edited by GlamourGirl827; 07-20-2013 at 02:35 PM.
This is all mind issues. First of all, believe in yourself and don't feel neglected. Today's lifestyle as well as busy schedules of most people has forced them to eat anything that can be cooked fast, mostly junk and fried items. A natural way to keep the fats out is to add non-calorie food into your daily chart like broccoli, asparagus, cucumber, pineapple, cabbage, apples etc.
I think a good part of this is perception and how people react to you, if you don't make eye contact, strike up conversations, give compliments, etc. then you will get less of that treatment.
Sometimes I feel the exact opposite. If you notice my stats, we started at a similar place and I'm close to where your goal is and I feel like I have become invisible. When I was big I felt like people reacted one of two ways: some gave me attention and compliments probably because they felt sorry for me. Some stared me down in certain situations, for example if I was ordering food or getting on an airplane. Now no one pays any attention to me as I board a plane. A few months ago I went to a fast food restaurant to order food for someone else (two people, actually), and none of it was for me. I ordered this large quantity of calorie-laden food and the cashier didn't even react. No one looked at me like "honey, you don't need that" like they used to, no one reacted at all and it sort of took me by surprise, it had been a long time since I had been to a fast food restaurant and I was just used to the looks I got as a fat girl. It was weird not to get any looks or reactions at all.
Do you ever get the sense that people are ignoring you or pretending like you're not even there?
All. The. Time.
People look through me as though I'm not standing there, as though being bigger is some sort of disfigurement that they are supposed to pretend not to see.
When I was skinny that never happened. So I'm sure it's the weight gain.
Sometimes I feel the exact opposite. If you notice my stats, we started at a similar place and I'm close to where your goal is and I feel like I have become invisible. When I was big I felt like people reacted one of two ways: some gave me attention and compliments probably because they felt sorry for me. Some stared me down in certain situations, for example if I was ordering food or getting on an airplane. Now no one pays any attention to me as I board a plane. A few months ago I went to a fast food restaurant to order food for someone else (two people, actually), and none of it was for me. I ordered this large quantity of calorie-laden food and the cashier didn't even react. No one looked at me like "honey, you don't need that" like they used to, no one reacted at all and it sort of took me by surprise, it had been a long time since I had been to a fast food restaurant and I was just used to the looks I got as a fat girl. It was weird not to get any looks or reactions at all.
That's really interesting. I guess you blend in now with the "normal people" in some ways. I'd love to blend in more.
Dear Wanna,
It may also be that America has so much a sport culture. Here in Europe, no one talks about what they did at the gym, because no one would care. I think how you keep fit is considered a personal matter, and very rarely does someone say "Oooh I ran for 1 hour yesterday" if they weren't in the company of fellow joggers.
Dear Wanna,
It may also be that America has so much a sport culture. Here in Europe, no one talks about what they did at the gym, because no one would care. I think how you keep fit is considered a personal matter, and very rarely does someone say "Oooh I ran for 1 hour yesterday" if they weren't in the company of fellow joggers.
It's true and I know this because I've lived in Europe. It is personal but people do work out! Here in the states it's a lot like you describe, but to be honest I truly love that! I don't like talking about sports but I love fitness and conversations about fitness. I wish I could be part of it more.
Yes, in NY, land of the overachievers and a widespread belief in the necessity to be above-average, some people hone their bodies like their resumes. Lots of the others walk everywhere and don't own cars, so they're moving all day even if they're not at Soul Cycle or Equinox. There are models and actresses and magazine editors & people in the fashion & design business living & working here. And this definitely colors the general attitude. And some of these people do make cruel and untrue assumptions about overweight people, or dismiss them & let their eyes keep moving toward someone who has similar aesthetic standards for the body.
I have been fat in NY & I have been athletic in NY & believe me, athletic is better.
Trust me, people are sometimes so into "themselves" (because they are so special, you know) that they can't seem to reach out to others and connect. When you need people who understand-- come here. All of us have struggled with our weight and image issues- we DO understand and are willing to talk to you (not AT you). You are beautiful INSIDE AND OUT- you are important and valuable, and your feelings MATTER!
I think it's probably a combination of things. When I was at my heaviest, I was miserable and unhappy. There's no way that people didn't notice how miserable I was. Who wants to be around a person who's miserable all the time? No one! As I started to lose, I felt so much better about myself and I started taking more pride in the way that I dressed. People started paying me more attention. My weight loss definitely affected my attitude and in the end I think it's my attitude that attracted or repelled other people.
I wanted to be invisible when I was bigger and now I feel good about myself so I walk down the street with my head held high. Our stats are about the same and I get a ton of attention so maybe it has nothing to do with your weight? I'm originally from NYC...I was just there for Labor Day.
Thanks all for your input and encouraging words. I'm not a shy person and I'm pretty conscious about not being negative because I hate people who are negative all the time like when you ask them how are you they always say "ugh I'm tired!" And are always complaining about something or another. In pretty upbeat but perhaps people can see how uncomfortable I am and that's why I'm ignores sometimes? I also have a goofy sense of humor and that might repel people? Like yesterday I stopped by then organic market and picked up a juice (carrot, apple, ginger, beet, kale) and when I tasted it I immediately said "god that's awful" and smiled. But I meant it like oh the things we do to stay healthy or complaining about taxes. And the guy didn't get it, I guess he just thought I was saying it was awful. Which it was, but I already knew it would taste awful because I buy juices like that occasionally even though I don't like them.
Last edited by Palestrina; 09-04-2013 at 02:24 PM.
Well I have a silly sense of humor, so too bad I don't live in nyc (anymore). I really get what you're saying. I still live in a body obsessed place and it really is so challenging to feel good about oneself and we all deserve to feel good about ourselves, regardless of size or anything else. I even know one couple who you would think are actors or models. I don't know how she keeps impossibly thin but I know he is bulimic...but at a party I went to, everyone talked to him like he was a hot star (and he was arrogant) while people did talk to me (this was a while ago when I was heavier) but I had to try SO HARD to get some traction.
I don't know, I guess I have always been lucky to an extent? Maybe it was where I lived, and the people I was surrounded by were raised to be gentlemen and courteous to others?
I am not the happiest person around, and sometimes I look as miserable as I feel, and yet people hold the door open for (mostly men) and I even got hit on when I was like 280ish.
Although I may have a lot of kind moments to mention, there are many negatives, and I just try to forget about the negatives. Although I must say, I always die a little inside (LAUGHING) when people go out of their way to get away from me, as if I am some kind of walking, talking fat disease. I mean they will hug the wall to stay a good arms length away or act like I am taking up an entire aisle at Wally World (and those are HUGE aisles...and I'm not that big! )
Anyway, I think it boils down to where you live. Some places are a real 'melting pot' and have every shape imaginable walking around. =) Stay positive.
Location: Anchorage AK in the summer, Lawrence KS and travel in the winter
Posts: 222
S/C/G: High 285+ 256/ticker/160ish
Height: 5'6"
Yes and no.
From men, not as much. I still get flirted with and the "look over" from time to time which takes me by surprise every time and I still get chivalrous behavior even from young men.
Women are another story to a noticeable degree. I get far more overtures of friendship, more invites, more attendance from shop-girls, more female eye contact when I'm thinner here.
I am not in a very body conscious place like NYC or LA. When I go the heartland for the winter, I totally blend.
BTW, I've used invisibility to great advantage in business when those around me didn't see me coming until I was leaving the room wondering what hit them. If they expect nothing from you that is a great negotiating advantage.
They've done studies on this haven't they, using people in fat suits? And found that overweight people are treated differently or ignored for younger, slimmer women. But, I think anyone can feel invisible or overlooked at times. I felt pretty invisible as a frumpy brunette Mum. Then I went blonde and you can't help but get noticed. Maybe a hair colour, starting a workout plan and buying some clothes you really feel confident in might help.
)
