-enjoying food in public (If i have something junky i feel like people are thinking "geez, no wonder you're so fat", but if it's something healthy then its "yeah good luck with that, fatty") I can never win!
-knowing for sure what clothes I like to wear, beyond "yay it actually fits!"
-buying cheap clothes, cause plus sizes are expensive >_>
-not feeling like the people around me only tolerate my presence cause they pity me (...that makes sense, right?!)

but,

This pretty much describes me right now (the first part, at least), and it gives me hope that one day possibly maybe I won't always be such a basket case!

Thanks ♥

I've been thinking about this question since I first read the thread last night, and I'm struggling to answer it. Not because I don't think my weight has held me back, but because I wonder if it's actually my weight that's the issue or if it's just my perception of my weight that's the problem.

I mean, like the cute clothes thing. At my highest weight, I wore a size 16 - and you know what, they make cute, stylish clothing in those sizes. I just never had the confidence to wear them - so is that really an issue of my size, or me subconsciously responding to the societal pressures to be a certain size?

Even at my highest weight, my cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar, etc have all been good, so it's not even entirely true that my weight was holding me back health-wise. So why have I always let my size define me and how I feel about myself?

(Sorry - feeling philosophical for a Friday! )

Wow, so many of these responses are familiar! I've always been a big girl, but I've always had the big personality to compensate. I'm loud, opinionated, funny, bold, brash, and I have always strived to just be myself. And I was! There is a whole lot of stuff that I probably should have felt 'held back' from, that I didn't because, quite simply, I'm a ballsy girl.

That said, now when I look back I see the things that I did hold myself back from- primarily relationships. I think that I started to put the weight on as a form of defense against unwanted attention and as a reaction to a mother who tried every diet on me before the age of 12. And while I have always recieved more than my share of male attention (from some really great guys too!) I've never been confident enough in that area to see anything through. I cover my insecurities well, but when it comes to romance and dating, I have the toughest time getting close to people and I think my attitude is to blame for it. I shy away from those who would be close to me, and I do it whether or not I realize it, and it has really f***ed me over in the past (lots of regrets about missed chances).

And of course the clothes, the shoes that I buy for myself and never wear because they never fit and/or I feel like a stuffed sausage in them! The fun, ballsy things I don't do because unless I'm drunk I feel like a bit of a fool (riding the bull at The Saddle Ranch, even after everyone I was with did). It's the insecurities that we all have, but mine seemed to latch onto my weight and it became a weird cycle. I'm looking forward to breaking it and breaking out!

I think I'm going to have to agree with you there. I've lost a lot of weight and even now it's not because I think people will judge me with what I wear and how good I look it in, it's mostly me and my perpective which has been holding me back. Someone might look at me and think I'm sexy because I'm not a stick, because I'm curvy and I look at me and I'm disgusted by it. We all really judge ourself harder then other people judge us...

pictures is a huge one! i would LOVE to be at a comfortable weight that I don't have to say to my hubby, "oh wait I want to be on this side and just get my boobs on up please" LOL
being comfortable on the beach. i want to take my son to enjoy those moments and i want to be excited to go.
sexy undergarments

I feel like the only thing my actual weight held me back from was being able to do some physical activities without feeling totally winded, worn out, and out of shape. Anything else like not going to the beach or the pool, not wearing cute clothes, staying in instead of going out to parties was more something I blamed on the weight. But I've seen girls bigger than I ever was doing all those things, so it wasn't just the weight that was to blame.

Definitely being confident in what I'm wearing- I feel like I'm pinching or pulling at my clothes all the time because my sweaters are riding up or my pants and bunching
And wearing cute sundresses/swimsuits.