Reading all these (well, most, god this was a long thread! hehe SOMEONE'S loved here on 3FC!!
) just had me shaking my head. It was incredible to me to read your story, and Sirenity's, etc.... because I have/had a very similar story to you guys.
In 2007, I was in a really bad place. Lost my job, lost my apartment, was staying with a friend for free but only had a place until August, car broke down & out for the count, in a un-ending friends with benefits relationship that was breaking my heart, etc. Was talking to a guy who'd been my online friend since I was
15. He'd just gotten out of a marriage, was being transferred to a new base (he's in the airforce) and wanted a roommate and wanted to give "us" a chance like we'd talked about many, many years before that.... 9 years, to be precise.
Though I was paranoid about all of it... especially because of my weight (I was roughly 250ish)... I realized that it was just about the only out life seemed to be giving me at the time, so despite my misgivings, I took him up on his offer. Thus, he "saved" me too.
We moved in together... he was happy with me, surprisingly more than I could have reasonably hoped for giving how I looked at the time.... huge, pasty, sick, an alcoholic, depressed, burned, cynical, etc. I'd already decided I wanted to turn my life around, so I managed to find a job within the first week of living there and got to work saving money, paying off old bills, and getting caught up with stuff financially which of course made me feel better.
However, I was working at a restaurant, making next to no money and eating more than I should have by far. My health wasn't getting any better, and we worked opposite shifts. It quickly became the same situation that Onederchic is descibing... he's tired, doesn't want to take me anywhere (not even once a week) without complaining about how he doesn't want to leave the house, despite the fact that
I want to leave the house and area (the place I worked at was practically in our backyard!!). On top of all that... working and everything... I made sure the house was always clean, always cooked for him when I was home, took care of all the grocery shopping, laundry, etc. And I couldn't even get one measly date from him. I begged him to take me out on the weekends... but the only time he could be roused from his computer or video games would be when the neighbor would invite us out. There was never "us" time, no matter how many times I talked to him about it, explained my feelings, how I wanted to spend time together, or have some "me" time even out and away from the area where we lived and worked..... he'd say he understood, but nothing ever changed.
Things just didn't feel right with me. I could never allow myself to get close enough to him, because of the resentment of being cooped up constantly. It got worse and worse and worse til I decided I was done cooking and cleaning and being nice to a guy who just refused to hear me when I said I was miserable. I decided I'd paid him back his $200 plane ticket with all my cooking and cleaning and the laundry I'd done those five months and I decided to break up with him.... but in this, he surprised me and broke up with ME. Said that he still loved me, always, as a friend... but things just didn't feel right.
I can't tell you how indignant I was with him for breaking up with me before I could break up with him!!!
Hurt, even! Even though I was going to break up with him and pretty much couldn't STAND the guy!!
To this day.... getting away from him was the best thing I've ever done. Well, one of them.
Truly, I'll always be grateful to him for helping me out in my hour of need... but I was there for him too after his divorce, and to help him get back on his feet living alone. And when I came back... I got back on my feet, ALONE (well, I moved in with a friend who needed a roommate, and we split the bills evenly), and then eventually went on to turn my life completely around. I'm working on my health, and doing a pretty good job of it I think!, and taking care of some of my family members in THEIR hours of need..... and I've got an amazing boyfriend, an upcoming vacation I've been waiting to go on for two years, and will be going back to school next year.
Truly..... if it's meant to be, stay with him. But don't stay with someone because you feel grateful for what he did. Not only have you paid him back over the years with love, and gratitude, but probably all those little things you've done on the side too that guys don't really want to seem to notice. What he did for you WAS amazing.... but we, as human beings, are SUPPOSED to do amazing things for people we care about in their hours of need. Do you expect someone to be beholden to you for life because you help them out one time? I sure as heck don't. Do something for someone because you want to... not because you want a life long slave. Stay with someone because they're right for you, because they're your best friend.... not because you owe them. That's wrong to you, and to him.
Good luck chica....