I have fallen once again but today I have renewed strength and determination to suceed on my side. I found out yesterday that the blood work I had done on Friday came back negative. Now that I know this, I need to stop putting everything on hold. My desire to have another child had eclipsed my goals. I realize now that in order for me to get what I want I need to put in the effort of my weight loss and staying on program to get there. Today I have recommitted myself to my plan, one that I KNOW works well for me if only I could stay on it long enough for it to have any effect. I can honestly look at myself in the mirror and say that I don't like what I see--a sad, flabby human being who sorely needs some TLC. I know now that I am the only one that is the designer of my life, and regardless of what is happening in it, I can say that I created the circumstances in which I live.

So after being on a 3 week binge, look where it has got me--back where I started, 3 pounds heavier and even more desperate and sad than I was before. NO MORE! I know I can do this, I know that the land of living healthy is out there for me to reach and grab a hold of, all I need to do is try to get there again. I am counting on you guys to keep me honest. I know that with you I am accountable, but mostly I am accountable to only myself. I want to stop the fear of sucess living inside me, forwhen someone is successful, they are accountable and there is expectation to do well. I want to be that sort of person again, proud of my accomplishments, wholeheartedly commited to my program and have my success back me up.

So thanks for listening to me recommit myself, this time I think it is for all the right reasons.

A bit of advice about that baby you want--quit trying so hard! Focus on your goals and let nature takes it's course! It will happen, so enjoy the process. Also, I'll tell you the advice I gave my girlfriend years ago. Take your hubby and drive to a secluded place, get in the back seat and pretend you're not married! It worked for her!
Seriously, when we want to conceive, we try too hard and that makes us tense. That sometimes prevents conception. Relax and play!

You deserve the biggest hug there is!!!! That was a wonderful recommittment to life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pooky you sound to beautiful for words. All will happen if you just trust in yourself..... I'm so lucky to be on this board with people like you..... Toni

Thanks so much for your suppoort, I truly have great friends like you here! I have been more philosophical rather than sad, and trying to put together a strategy I can live with to help me do what I need to do. I have never had a weight problem before this and now I know that my emotions have gotten the best of me. I am going to fight my way out of this and if anything I'm determined to make it!

Pooky

Huggs & Kisses....don't give up and hang in there.

Love Leens

Pooky, I know from experience how hard it is to just "relax" when you really, really want to get pregnant. There are four years between my two daughters and I had two miscarriages during that time and lots of anxious moments hoping and praying that this time I would be pregnant and blaming myself for being too fat to successfully conceive. However, after the second miscarriage I just gave up. I was so despondent I just decided that a second baby just wasn't meant to be. I turned to my husband for comfort and lo and behold, I never had another period. I didn't even go to see the doctor until I was pretty sure I was four months along. So when people tell you to just relax, I think they really mean when you're with your hubby in that special way, just focus on how special you are to each other and how good you can make each other feel. Try not to even think of the result you're hoping for. Trust me, those lovin' feelings will result in a baby before you know it.

Oh Linda, you're so sweet! I hope and pray every day that I will be lucky and God will see fit to make me a mother again! It has been my long time wish to have two children. As much as I love my daughter, I really want her to know the love and friendship a brother or sister can give her. I am so close to my brother and I want that for her too. You're right, perhaps refocussing myself and relaxing will do the trick!