I'm realizing that my binges are very planned, though out, and controlled. When my plan is interrupted or foiled is utter chaos! The length to which I go is extraordinary.
I was scheduled to go into work on Thursday evening. We were expecting some very bad weather in terms of rain, wind, and possibly snow. Nobody expected it to be very bad. I told my husband I had to be there an hour earlier than I actually had to be just so that I could go and eat (I was planning on a steakhouse dinner, yes for real). Before I left my husband told me to be careful driving, the snow was starting to get heavy. As I was heading to my car my boss called me and told me to stay home, the roads were too dangerous to drive, visibility was bad. I got into my car anyway.... what now? The plan was to go eat and then go to work.... do I still have time to eat and then come back? I drove around until I figured out what to do... steakhouse was out so I'll go through the drive-thru, eat and go home. It doesn't take long. I called my husband and told him the roads were bad and I was coming home. He had dinner ready for me when I got home... double dinner.
Ugh I hate the panic! and mostly I hate lying to the people I love especially about something as stupid as eating.
I also find it very difficult to change course once I've set my mind on something. I guess we look forward to these indulgent interludes and feel cheated when outside forces thwart our plans. Just thinking aloud here, but I wonder if people like you and me might benefit from putting a Plan B in place ahead of time, so we'll have a pleasurable alternative in case Plan A falls through. For example: "If I'm unable to go out to eat, I'll treat myself with a copy of my favourite magazine and an exotic coffee drink, and spend an hour reading and sipping with soft music playing in the background."
This sounds like you know me so well ...I am the same way and I HATE it !! I will plan them too ...like if dh is gonna be out with friends Friday night I will plan a big ol' binge, and then if he decides not to go out or comes home early I go off the deep end, really mad ....I try to work on not being like this but it is hard to control.
I had a really rough time with this. The panic and anxiety is absolutely overwhelming.
I would go through the drive through, order at least 2 meals (sometimes an additional sandwich and nuggets), and pretend I was buying for someone else, even going so far as to say, "Now what was it he wanted??" LIKE THE PERSON AT THE DRIVE THRU EVEN CARED!!! Insane!!
Part of what helped me is that I wouldn't allow myself to spend the money. I would put it into terms of finances, not calories. I would easily blow $25 just in the drive thru at a fast food restaurant. I just simply cannot afford to do that. I know if I blow money on binges, I won't have money for gas or real meals for my kids and myself. Simple as that. I don't waste money on food I know I will binge on. For one thing, I tend to binge on sugary, salty or nutritionally empty foods, and cannot choose that over the healthy stuff my kids need, so I just don't buy it.
Maybe try and calculate how much you blow on binges and remove that money from your account. Put it someplace you can't easily access and save it.
freelancemomma - yes you're right, I do feel cheated when my plans are thwarted. It's almost like this is "me time" and I get angry. You know something is wrong when lying, secrets and anger are part of your meal plan. I've never given thought to that kind of Plan B before, my Plan B is usually if I can't go eat at that place I'll go eat at that other place. I'll try what you suggest when I find myself strategizing again, thanx.
Satine - being interrupted during a binge is awful, it conjures up the same kind of adrenaline and guilt as if hubby walked in on me cheating on him with another person. I'd never do that but I imagine the feeling of being exposed would be just as traumatic.
PintSizedTerror - I know all the tricks to make someone think I'm ordering food for more than one person. Have you tried ordering cheese on one burger and no cheese on the other which makes it seem like each burger is going to a different person? But you're right, the money it takes to keep up this kind of eating habit is insane.
But you're right, the money it takes to keep up this kind of eating habit is insane.
I remember all the money I used to spend during my major binging period. This was during my my 20s, while with my stress-inducing ex-husband. Coincidence? I think not. I would spend several hours shopping for all my favourite gourmet foods -- I couldn't skip any single item on my list -- and then eat them in one extended sitting. I'm talking Belgian chocolate, real French croissants, octopus salad, cheesecake from one particular restaurant, Thai noodle and shaved beef salad from another restaurant, oil-drenched eggplant with creamcheese sauce from yet another place, etc., etc. I did this a couple of times per month and probably spent $50 per binge. And that was 30 years ago! I don't know where I got the money, being a student and all.
F.
Last edited by freelancemomma; 11-10-2012 at 07:37 AM.
Binges: frantic
and mostly I hate lying to the people I love especially about something as stupid as eating.
