i personally don't agree with leaving food unless of course its brussel sprouts which are just nasty. we live in an abundant society where food is plentifull and have wine lakes butter mountains and flood world markets with grain and fruit. yet hundreds of millions of people don't get 3 square meals a day and for us to leave food (taking it away is good) is a slap in the face to the starving/subsistance persons of the world.

Hello again, Slimmingsi,

If I could give the extra food to those who need it, I would do so. But it is better for me to leave it than to eat it. Where I live restaurants give huge portions. Usually I take leftovers with me and have another meal later. I have a friend who takes the food she doesn't want with her and gives it to the first homeless person she finds on the street--she lives in a large city.

Countless beings besides humans eat the food we leave. Nothing is really "wasted," although I agree that Western society is indeed awash in abundance that could be better distributed to those in need.

Hello, Hope, and welcome! Nice to "see" you!

Jay

Hello to All,

Wishing you all to be well and achieving your weight goals.

Glad to hear from you, Hope, as you struck a chord in me regarding why people want to lose. It is only in the past 2 years that I have put on so much weight; I have always been slim, even after 2 babies. So, why do we want to lose? If you stick with this site, 3 Fat Chicks, and with the Buddhist support group, you will find that more people are interested in health than in looks, or reinforcement from others. Especially after a woman reaches a certain age (35, 40, 50?), we come to realize that we are sacrificing health and long life by being obese, or even just a bit overweight. Sure, I would love to fit into my sexy tight jeans and have my man admire me more. And I would love to hear the compliments from my colleagues and girlfriends about how much better I look. But the essential thing for me is to regain my health--better strength in my back, tighter abdominals to support my mid-body, better breathing, and more energy. And all of this comes back to an issue we have discussed recently which is self-love. If I care enough about myself and take care of myself, I can do so much more for others.

It is worth observing...what reason do you have for losing weight. You will find that different things motivate different people. But if improved health is one consideration, you are on the right path. Good luck to Hope and all our other friends.

OneLove...Cathy

The world produces more than enough food to feed the hungry and poor. Unfortunately the world suffers from a justice and compassion crisis, rather than a shortage of food.

But I do really sympathise with the sentiment! When I was in Cambodia last year I was just shocked at how wasteful and glutonous western society is..

I think that leaving food on your plate and not overconsuming food is a good thing. It stops us from buying into this mental cycle that we have that more is better... to be able to stop when we have had enough is a good thing.

There are also other strategies to try - only ordering entre sized mains, sharing meals and requesting smaller portions, all can help us when we are eating out at restaurants.

hope everyone is well,
Marianna

Ok, here's one out of left field - are there resources out there for a Buddhist approach to dealing with death and grief? My grandmother died unexpectedly last week, and I'm very tempted to comfort myself with food. Aside from general mindfulness and keeping up with meditation etc., does anyone have any suggestions? I must admit I found it a little jarring to go to the services and have everyone express joy that she was a Christian and saved, when I did not believe in the same thing.

Hi Laura,

Sorry to hear about your grandmother... sending you light and love during this time.

A book called "The Tibetan book of Living and Dying" might be a good read for you at the moment... a challenging read, but also incredibly worthwhile.

While Christianity may not be for you and you are having difficulty with the thought of her death in this manner, perhaps realising that her faith gave her comfort might help to put in context for you. What were her beliefs? Did her faith give her the ability to die gracefully and without regret? Is there some common ground that you can think of that will help you during this time?

Take care,
Marianna

Hello Laura,

I am so saddened to hear that your grandmother died recently. The memories of her life and how she affected you may be a small source of comfort. It must be hard to have a different perspective than all her friends who are giving you their condolences. It is useless to struggle with this, I believe. What matters is that your grandmother had her faith and it must have done something good for in her life, and ultimately in her passing. That belongs to her, and you may be comforted to know that she had that. I know little about the Buddhist views of death and grief, particularly with respect to karma and reincarnation. What I know I gathered from an article by Robert Thurman, something he wrote after the tsunami disaster in Southeast Asia. That is, that we should look at the death of the loved one as a time for us to reflect on our own deeds and what karma may accrue from them. Also, the departed one, in her just-after-death state, "bardo," has the opportunity to look at her karma and look towards rebirth in another world. Not at all like the prescribed period of grieving that Westerners and people of the Judeo-Christian traditions practice! Certainly the Buddhist perspective encourages us to look at our own lives and to think about our actions in a more profound way: death is a fact of life, as your grandmother is showing you. If you can think of your own life in a positive way, and act accordingly, this may be one manner of dealing with the loss.

For me, my father's passing 3 years ago is as real as if it happened days ago. He was the best father a person could ask for. In my own way, I think of him when I look at a particular star at night, and imagine that he is there doing good works for those of us he left behind.

Laura, in your loss, I wish for you peace and a star to light for you a path of understanding and acceptance...Cathy

Thanks for the messages, y'all. She was a strong Christian, and I know that she found comfort in her faith. In that way it is comforting. However, I know from talking to my parents that shortly before she died she would ask things like "do you think I'm going to heaven?" I suppose that all of us will be anxious at the time but for me that just makes me wonder what use...if that's the right word...all this striving to believe is.

Cathy, I'm definitely using this as an opportunity to reevaluate my priorities and such, as often happens. However, it never feels like it 'sticks' as much as I wish it did. Maybe that's just part of being imperfect and human, I don't know.

i had the weirdest dream last night. i met my ex in a bus stop and i actually forgave her. is this my subconsious telling me i'm ready to move on? whats more is normally after she rears her head in my dreams i normally get really upset and depressest about it and think of her all the time but today i'm not i'm just depressed about being a fat lazy slob lol

Hello, everyone. I've been out of touch for awhile. Illness, and too much work. But I'm happy to see everyone has been checking in.

Laura, my condolences on your grandmother's death. There is a very helpful little book titled "Life in Relation to Death" by Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche. The one I have is the second edition, and it's published by Padma Publishing in Junction City, CA. It's less than 100 pages, and I've found it very helpful.

Slimmingsi, you have made such wonderful progress. What part of your mind wants you to think your are those bad things? The Dalai Lama once said, "My religion is kindness." Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like a valued friend--because you are.

Blessings to all,
Jay

no part of my mind wants to think bad things about me but my hands with pizz and guinness in them lol

Hello to all,

Slimmingsi...that is pretty funny about the pizza and Guinness in hand! Be nice to your hands too and pick up a glass of tomato juice with some sprouts instead (a bit of an acquired taste, I admit).

Laura, it is hard for us to make things "stick" when we are isolated from a group which is working towards the same thing. I am not sure if you are a practicing Buddhist or just new to this philosophy. One important aspect of it is to practice, learn, and to belong to a sangha, or community, or like minded people. It is like having buddies who go to the same gym...it is easier to make the effort and commitment when you have support. The same holds for those of us who try to follow the Path. This is a great support site, so let us help you and keep sharing your thoughts. Lots of luck to you,

Cathy

sprouts are the route of all evil are soley to blame for everything we wish to put blame upon YUCK!!!

Slimmingsi...did you mean the "root" since they come from underground? Hey, mung bean sprouts are pretty tasty--try it, you might like it.

Jay sorry to hear you have been ill and overworked. Hope you are being extra kind to your body and keeping up the Dharma practice. Are we going to choose a special topic to talk about this week?

Lately I find myself doing too many things at the same time. The result is that I forget what I was doing to begin with, and get a teeny-tiny pang of anxiety when I realize I have not completed (or totally forgotten) item #1. This happens especially in the kitchen, which, at my house, requires multi-tasking. For example, when I notice that I am concentrating on, say, the onion chopping, I forget to add the rice to the pot. Not earth shattering, but a bit unnerving just the same.

I know that part of the anxiety comes from my personal need to be always in control and on top of stuff. No, I have not burned down the house yet, but it occurred to me that what I lack is Mindfulness. I have no difficulty whatsoever staying focused while doing 45 minutes of meditation, but it goes away and I get scatter-brained when I am at home. So...

...perhaps we can talk a bit about what Mindfulness means to us, and how we can keep it present in our lives amidst the increasing demands to be more effective as multi-tasked, modern individuals. Thanks for your comments.

OneLove to All...Cathy

Hey, everyone! Let's hear about weight loss successes, exercise successes, and dharma practice!

I would like to lead the way, but I have little success to report except that my weight has remained stable (at least not going up) for the past few years. But it has been an up and down path.

raindancer, I think there is a difference between concentration and mindfulness. Mindfulness means being aware of the onion, but not so lost in the experience of the onion that everything else is forgotten.

While cutting up the onion, what is going through your mind? I often find myself with endless chatter going on. What other things I need to do, comments I should have made to people, what I might say to them later... I can have entire imaginary conversations all by myself, and what a waste of mind space is that? Talk about not being in the now! But that's the opposite of concentrating on the onion to the exclusion of everything else. Neither one is mindfulness ... I think.

I'm glad to hear you haven't burned down the house...

This is the time of year when we have fresh strawberries in Florida. They are wonderful and we eat them every day while they last. We leave out the shortcake. heh.

Has anyone else heard of the author Eliot Pattison? He writes murder mysteries that take place in Chinese-occupied Tibet. Very good reading, very Buddhist points of view--but also somewhat hard to get through because of what the Chinese are doing to eradicate cultures.

May you all be free of suffering and the cause of suffering. May you know joy and the cause of joy.

Jay