I am 36 y/o and been married 14 years. I guess no one around me thinks I would be a good mom......no one has ever bugged us about being childless. We were just too selfish and never wanted kids. Now I want them and am having fertility issues. Go figure.
I guess I would just tell people MYOB or "when it is right for me."
Being an elementary teacher people seem to think that I would naturally want kids of my own, but I have simply never had the maternal instincts. I keep having people telling me that I would feel differently once I had my own, and when I ask them would they GUARANTEE that in writing, they soon shut up.
I had to chuckle when people asked me if I was going to have children now I have lost weight. I think they truly believed, that after 43 years of not wanting children that I would want them now. Perhaps they thought that THIS was the reason I had lost the weight. I'm not really sure.
I had someone once ask me "But who will look after you when you are old?" and all I could think was... What a SELFISH reason for having children. Mind you, this person was EXTREMELY selfish.
I love working with children, and I love having 9 nieces and nephews, and a few grand-nieces, and I love having a sweet God-daughter and spending time with her and her older sister. But I also love my own time with just hubby and me. I love not being restricted with what we can and can't do. I love just having to get myself organised before work. I love being able to come home to a peaceful home after a day with 23 eight year olds.
Good luck with your responses to these people. I'm not sure I ever felt as though I responded properly.
I am late to this but I thought it was interesting how you said people would say you are horrible and selfish to not have kids? I think it'd be horrible and selfish to have kids you don't want.
DH and I are noncommital and we share that with others. We don't know but I think we are more likely not to have kids. DH's parents don't seem to care either way but they don't think we'll have kids. My parents hope we'll have kids but they don't harrass us much anymore. Other people don't say anything to us.
Personally, I am happy enough with my family as it is growing, DH, 1 cat, 1 dog and me.
Height: Tall enough for my feet to reach the ground
My sister is just like this also, just turned 41 married for 13 years and her response is:
"I had one maternal thought in my life, and it died of loneliness" ...lol Her hubby and her are happy and whenever the subject gets brought up by someone his response is:
"We talked about it before we were married and decided that with my selfish attitude someone else should father our children"
Good luck it is a sensative subject, especially say if you have been trying and had fertility issues.. I mean it is really NO ONES business if you have kids or NOT....as long as it is what YOU both want.
When I was married, my then husband and I wanted children desperately. We did the whole infertility route and all. When I finally did get pregnant after years of trying, it was an ectopic pregnancy and had to be removed.
During that time, it was awkward because we didnt want everyone knowing our business.
In hindsight, being childless has turned out to be a good thing. My marriage ended not too long after we stopped trying, and I'm 42 now and DEFINITELY love my child-free lifestyle!
That being said...if God feels like he wants to play a joke on me and I get pregnant, I will love that baby like I had planned for it all along. I would never want any child of mine to feel "unwanted".
As I've become more interested in the childfree lifestyle, I've found some disturbing information online. There's always the idea that childfree people are selfish and hate kids. Anyone can read these posts on 3fc and can't help but notice that's just not the case.
Some childfree people are very militant about thier decision and have it out for the parents of the world, calling them breeders and thier children sprog.
Unfortunately, there are parents who are little more than breeders with how they raise thier children. but there's also millions of loving parents as well.
I have nothing against kids, parents, or anything in the middle. I just know that kids aren't for me or my husband. I think my mom will have more problems with this decision than my husband and I.
It's also very nice to see that on this thread, no one has flamed anyone else, no one has pointed fingers, and if someone were to join in with some questions, it would all go down in a civil way.
As for the people who are insistent that we should have children, they won't give up on thier decision, like I don't give up on mine.
It's not so much about what a person believes, it's how they co-exist with other people and other beliefts. Every barrel has it's rotten apples...
When I was a baby, my mom used a stroller. It had a canopy and one pocket on the back. It worked well. Have you seen strollers these days? They look like little SUV's! I saw one with a Louis Vuitton blanket. The baby's going to burp on the blanket if it's an over priced name brand or just a nice soft fleece...the whole attitude of bigger and better than the JOnes's makes me wonder if the baby really is the top priority for these people.
--end rant.
Even though I"m ok with this, so many people I don't even know lecture me about how it's horrible and selfish of us not to have children.
Even though I DO have kids, if anyone said something like that to me, I'd tell them "And how busy body of you to say that." Talk about horrible. They need to keep their nose out of other's personal lives. What's even more horrible is bringing a child into the world if you're not prepared for kids, or don't think you can give them the love they need. I'd just steer clear of people with that kind of mentality so you don't have to face such idiotic comments from them any longer.
LOL Kaplods.. I just tell people also that I'm not ready and that I may change my mind when I get closer to my 30s. I also do the "why do you want to know?" thing. Doesn't really seem to be a deterrent with some people in my family but fortunately I only see them at thanksgiving and christmas. I just mostly ignore them.
I have been lucky in that no one in my life dared to lay expectations on me about having children. But if they did, they would have been told in short order that it is my life and not subject to their decisions or judgment.
I love being child free. For a time, I wanted children, but I am glad that period passed without me getting pregnant. I love having my free time and not doing the soccer mom thing. It's just not who I am.
I have nothing to say about other people's choices on the matter.
I didn't have children for a number of reasons.
NOT ONE OF THEM WAS/IS ANYONE'S BUSINESS BY MY OWN!!!
I didn't want kids till I was about 38 or so. And needed to lose 100 lbs to even think of getting pregnant. Then life got in the way.
There was a period of time where I went thru a depression knowing I wouldn't ever have kids. I was always iffy about it....
Certain people STILL MAKE COMMENTS to this day about us not having any kids. Like a certain someone who has a zoo of children & can't take care of them herself.
People can be so mean. It's amazing how people don't think twice about asking why you don't have children--why you're so fat--etc. If you were to turn around & ask "How come you have 8 kids? Don't you know what birth control is? Are they all your husband's kids?" you'd be called a b*tch!
My fave comment right back when someone asks me why I never had children.....BECAUSE MY HUSBAND AND I ARE BROTHER AND SISTER!
Soon to be 47 and didn't have any kids. Absolutely no regrets here. BUT,
I have 3 grown stepchildren that I 've had since they were teens and now a step granddaughter. When I die-I'm going straight to Sainthood. Not choosing to have children and then on top of it, having teenagers!!!!!!!!!!! Wow-that was tough! Plus, they were NOT angels. But, I love my DH and things worked out ok. So, I guess I kinda had kids.
-Jan
my 2 cents
