The best advice I ever got for an appopriate response when someone asks an inappropriate question is to say, "Oh, you!" and give them a limp wristed pat on the arm. It's a little old lady scolding that works wonders and doesn't leave you on the spot. It forces the other person to change the subject... which often leaves THEM, not you, at a loss for words. I've actually had people apologize
When I was younger, I had a list of snappy comebacks but I just stopped bothering because it made me look defensive and inappropriate. My personal favorite response to "When are you getting married?" used to be "When are you getting divorced?" until a person I said this to was actually going through a painful separation. Then I felt like an ***!
When people ask about kids, I'm still annoyed, though. I always want to give them a bewildered look and ask how babies are made... but I just stick with the "Oh, you!" response. Sometimes, life is just better with your subtitles off!!!
Yeah, my main response would just be about the massive problems caused by overpopulation in the world, and that the last thing the world needs is an unwanted child, or a child had just for the sake of having children. There's no people shortage, last time I checked.
I just turned 40, and have known all my life I didn't want kids. Never had the urge, PLUS I just never grew up and prefer it that way. Back to playing guitar hero on my Xbox. :P
dh and I were married for 12 years before we had children so I know what you are talking about, even though I did eventually succumb to the dark side.
at one point, it got so bad that dh was trying to convince me that at his next family gathering if someone brought it up I should burst in to tears and leave the room so they would all think we were having fertility issues and never bring it up again.
But here is the kicker.....
After 12 years of badgering us to have children when I did get pregnant we got....
"oh, was it an accident?"
"dont you think you are a little old to start now" (I was 33)
"that's going to be a big adjustment since you are set in your ways now" (yes, thank you, I am an old geezer and I am sure a baby would have slid right in to my life unnoticed at 21)
and of course since noone is ever satisfied....
"so, how many do you think you are going to have?"
"when are you going to try for a second?"
"you dont want to wait too long at your age to have that second baby"
And when I did get pg. with #2 my very own mom's response as I was puking my guts up with morning sickness. "Well, you asked for it".
In short, it really doesnt matter what you do - some people just are nosy busy bodies who revel in torturing other people.
Not to mention that when you DO Have kids and go back to work people ask all concerned-like "who's with the baby?" Then after you feel compelled to explain the excellence of your nanny/daycare situation, they declare it the "next best thing" to me being at home, but wait!
Then when you quit work to be a stay at home mom, and people ask you about your job at a party, you get the standard, pitying, "oh good for YOU...." response. Basically nosy/control freak people will always find something to disapprove of no matter what you do, so like Ricky Nelson said, can't please everyone so you got to please yourself!
My dh and I have been married for 17 years, we are both in our 40's and have constantly been bugged about our having kids. We have some serious mental problems on both sides of our family and the idea of having a child who eventually becomes mentally ill just makes us cringe. I know that's it's only a 17% chance but for me that was too big of a chance. I've seen how my sil is and it's scarey sometimes.
My answers have always been, "not now, maybe later" I had one lady AT CHURCH a few years ago tell me that we were just lazy in not having kids. OMG! I went off on her in a huge way-I was furious.
"Who will take care of you in your old age?" So I'm to have children to support me? isn't that selfish of me to expect my children to support themselves, their children and us parents? Isn't that why we plan for our retirement?
"You'll be lonely when your older with no children or grandchildren to keep you company." How many people actually live near their parents to keep them company on a regular basis.
I think it's funny when a couple will spend an hour complaining about their misbehaving kids then turn around and tell you should have a couple. My dh says it's because misery loves company.
I do like kids, I think children are wondeful. It's amazing how their little brains work and how they think. I work with them on a weekly basis, but I also enjoy sending them home. I respect people who have made the choice to have children.
I do think that people will always have something to say about your life. I have a freind who has popped out a kid a year since she's been married-she has 5 kids now and she says complete strangers will say the rudest things to her.
I'm allegedly "really good with kids", too. My siblings always ask me why I didn't have more, because I'm so good with them. That's just it - I'm great with them because I only have to see them on a very temporary basis!
Oh...my sister the schoolteacher told me it was my DUTY to have kids because "you guys would be good parents and we need you to balance out the bad parents out there".
ennay, that is certainly a reason I haven't heard before. I myself desperately want kids (when I'm older, I'm still in school right now and in no way could support children). I have since I was a little girl. I even thought about getting pregnant with my last boyfriend-- thank God I didn't, he ended up being really unstable and left me so he could go out drinking with his buddies every night! But I honestly couldn't care less if other people want children. If you want kids, fine. If you don't, fine!
Last edited by misschris531; 10-01-2007 at 04:59 PM.
Reason: typo
Conversely there are some people who have children for selfish reasons too.
The world does not need every woman to reproduce anymore than it needs for every female dog or cat to reproduce. We'd soon be overrun like a bad sci fi movie.
Jo
childfree
Last edited by Spinymouse; 10-01-2007 at 05:37 PM.
The world does not need every woman to reproduce anymore than it needs for every female dog or cat to reproduce. We'd soon be overrun like a bad sci fi movie.
**chuckles** all I could think when I read that is "and remember, folks, have yourself spayed or neutered"
My new favorite thing to tell people that puts them off enough to leave me alone is "but don't you think my husband would make such a terrible father?"
it's not true - but it works. especially on HIS side of the family. *LOL* I'm so mean
Sorry, just butting my big nose in here. I have 2 children, a 2 year old and a 1 year old. We plan on having many more!
HOWEVER - I think it is absolutely RUDE of people to give others "guilt trips" for choosing to not have children.
I have the utmost respect for people who choose to not have children. I think that is the opposite of selfish. It would be selfish to bring a child into the world when you really don't want one.... just having one to make others happy. That is as big of a decision as deciding to have kids. Trust me, there are enough women out there having many many babies to make up for anyone who chooses to not have kids.
