Hello Everyone!!! Lisa, thank you once again for starting the new thread and keeping the group going. My computer has been almost impossible to use for awhile now. I must have a bad virus or it is time for a new one. It just locks up on me constantly and it is difficult for me to post from my phone. Anyway, I have also been battling depression ~ ever since my unhappy and unwanted stay at the psychiatric hospital from June to July. For those of you who don't know me, my family put me there against my will due to my 2nd only in my life bout with mania. I really don't think it was necessary to hospitalize me, especially against my will (I was literally pushed out of my home by my sister and they strapped me to a guerney, shoved me in an ambulance, and shot me up with drugs to sedate me. I woke up the next day in a psychiatric hospital and didn't get out for about 3 weeks.) It was a living nightmare for me. I went through a very similar time back in 2003, and 2x in a mental hospital is 2x too much for me in one lifetime. It feels especially humiliating to me to be forced there against my will since I am 48 years old. What the heck? Do I not have a say in my own health care??? Anyway, I am so sorry that I haven't posted, but everything has seemed to take so much effort for me lately, so I have been doing the bare minimum whenever possible. I hate feeling this way and I feel like the hospital stay really made me regress. I was having a lot of success with weight loss and feeling self-esteem for the first time in my life, and now I have gained back much of the weight and my self-esteem has taken a serious blow. Sorry to be such a downer. That is part of the reason I haven't posted also. Didn't want to bring others down, too. I know the group is for highs AND lows, ups AND downs, but I much prefer to discuss my better times. Unfortunately, this year has been filled with a lot of DOWNS. I am trying hard to turn things around. It just feels like such a struggle again. That in itself makes me feel even more depressed. Anyway, I hope things are well with everyone. Oh, LISA, I am so sorry that you have to go back for a 2nd mammogram and ultrasound. I am praying that it is nothing. Trust me, I know the feeling of waiting and being afraid all too well. Take some deep breaths and try not to think the worst. Easier said than done, though, I know. Please keep us posted. And HOLLY, enjoy the last week (?) of your summer job! I hope you have had some chances to get out on your motorcycle despite the colder weather. Take good care everyone! Even when I don't post, I think of all of you often and wish you well! It is always a comfort to know I can come here and visit at any time! Thanks for being here and keeping the group going!

Hello friends,

Well, I had my tests this morning. I have a small mass on my left breast, it was not there last year. I have a biopsy next Monday. The good thing is it is still small. It will be sent off for tests.

I'm doing ok.

Hello! first, back to lira, I remember your name from before! please do feel that you can come here, you are among friends

Lisa - - Oh gosh that is unsettling news BEST wishes for positive results on the biopsy!!! and yes that is a spooky avatar

Kathleen oh my gosh, first its so good to hear from you and so distressing that your family did that to you ( I know you did tell of this before, but I wasn't sure how to comment, but obviously it was a big deal) of course it would set you back. I think I would be SO angry at my sister or whoever had a part in that. I'd probably daily call her and tell her how awful I was doing, not better . But that's me, being my vindictive self.

I don't know how to advise on how to get over something like that. But as you said this place is for Ups and Downs so it's OK to come here when you are down!

I'm not one to give advise at all I do not know how to find joy in daily living. I'm not horribly down, just going through the motions. Is it unrealistic to think that one can get up in the morning with optimism and joy and look forward to the day? Maybe I do that all summer, but not anymore. It's just like 'meh'.

I know it would help if I got back to my workout schedule, for years I was a consistent exerciser and I guess I didn't realize how much it helped me daily. I stopped in early summer this year and just havent' been able to get back.

Good Morning girls,

I've been off work the past 2 days and I'm off today , don't get me wrong...I like my job and all but having a break is awesome too.

Yesterday my kids were out of school for fall break so I took them out to lunch then we went to the park to walk some trails. During our walk we talked about different things, one thing was how goofy they were. I told them that I was goofy too when I want to be But they didn't think I was at all. They said that was and I quote, the 'least silly person they know'. They did say I was random I had to lol at that one. I do tend to break out in a dance and song anywhere at any given moment.

I have a 10 year old boy and a nearly 14 year old daughter, it was nice to have an almost adult conversation with them. Well in ways it was adult...not so much when we imitate spongebob episodes or talk about our favorite vines.

anyways, this morning I plan on mowing the lawn. It desperately needs it.

Holly- I hear ya on going through the motions. I'm still in that faze right now. Some days are better than others though. And I completely understand the importance of exercise for our mind too. In the past, making myself get dress and start the workout helps. But for some reason right now I can't find the motivation to get dressed. It will get better for both of us.... I know it will

Lisa- I'm sending good vibes your way on your biopsy results. My brother went through a lot last year with mouth cancer, he had a major 14 hour surgery that involved them completely reconstructing his jaw and taking bone from his leg. He also had chemo and radiation too. That was last year, today he has remained cancer free. He goes for his next scan in December. Like you said, the mass is still small so thats fantastic. and your in my thoughts

Kathleen- Hello there, I'm new here and read your post earlier. The only advice I can give is to try and move on and forget about anything that brings you down. When I find myself thinking to much, I mentally lock that memory away in a box and forget about it. Sealed tightly and gone ( something I learned from a great counselor I went too). It has worked for me so far. I'm so sorry to hear that you felt humiliated, that's not a good feeling at all. I hope your feeling better soon.

Lira- Welcome, I'm new too here and so far the ladies here are so warm and welcoming. How was the wedding party? I love going to weddings and seeing the beautiful brides dress and the cake nice to meet you.

Hi everyone - lots going on I see, not all completely positive. I'm glad to see everyone still checking in and staying strong.

I've been having a low 2 days, not really sure why. My meds only take the edge of that, although they really take away the anxiety piece, which is very helpful.

I feel blah. I think i want to talk to the doc about changing to something that leaves the happy and treats the sad.

I am just checking in today. I don't have much to report.


I am just a tad nervous about Monday. I am not to keen about being shot up by needles in my boob, and then having a small incision. The whole biopsy thing makes me nervous.


I may check back in later if I am up to talking. I feel kind of quiet today.

Hello!!

LISA so today is Monday and your biopsy is today?? I am thinking of you!!! I'm so glad you are doing everything you should and we know early is always best. Best wishes!!!

I'm sorry that I didn't know about your daughter's medical problem, that is awful and I hope it can be treated! It is terrible when we see our children going through stuff we can't help.

oh and I love the animated gifs you put here

misspriss, loved the description of you and your kids being together!! that must have been wonderful. Is the busy time of your work through for the moment?

dcapulet, Hi and I also hope your meds have taken care of your low days, they are not fun.

My summer job is over as of yesterday I tell ya, those 5 1/2 months go by so quickly!! the reason I didn't check in for days, was because I spent the weekend there, slept over Fri and Sat. nights because I was in the kitchen during the day, in the dining room at night. I got lots of verbal compliments from the members, plus a couple of nice tip$!! but it's so hard for me to accept the end of another summer.

There is snow on the ground here It will *probably* melt today, I hope so!!! I haven't even raked any leaves yet and now there is freakin snow on the leaves

Okay I know I have to SNAP out of my early season change funk. I know it's not the end of the world that summer is over and winter will be here soon. Maybe I can get back to working out daily now that I have time and that it is not too hot.

thank you for being here!!

Lisa - how are you?

Vermont - SNAP! you're out of the funk! Wouldn't it be great if it worked like that?

I see the doc in another month - I'm totally going to talk to her about things. In the meantime, I'm going to keep on moving and try and focus on exercise to get me through the blues.

Hello ladies,

Thank you for thinking of me. My biopsy is done. I go back next Monday for the results. They had to do 2 procedures, the first time the mass moved and they had to go back in again through a second incision. It is starting to ache tonight. *sigh*

I will try my best to come back in tomorrow and do some personals. I'm just not up to it tonight.

Much love to all.

Lisa, I'm glad that procedure is over but sorry it hurts, rest up, sweet dreams and talk to you tomorrow!

Hey Holly, Hey everyone,

*sigh* I am really down today. I am behind in school and it's not helping my mood. I just need to kick it into gear and do what needs to be done. I'm not crying or anything, I'm just REALLY blah. It could be a reaction to the medicine they gave me yesterday, to numb me. Honestly, I'm not sure? I just know I've got a huge case of the blahs.


I love you girls so much, you're such a big help to me. Please keep me in your thoughts.