I had forgotten about this thread, so I haven't returned to read all your insightful posts.
I understand why some vegans/vegetarians would refuse to sit at a table with people who eat meat. Sitting together does imply tacit acceptance of what other people are doing. However, refusing to eat alongside meat eaters is not an option for me.
As for asking my friends and family not to eat meat in my presence... whoa! I know what reaction I would get for that!
I'm glad that some of you brought up that idea, because that means that there are people out there who are willing to change their behavior occasionally in order to keep peace with other people.
But asking certain people not to eat meat around me would NOT work, and it would elicit anger and defensiveness from them. Kind of like if you say people shouldn't drive SUVs, or should practice safer sex, or shouldn't buy clothing made in sweatshops... people feel entitled to lead their lives the way people want to lead them, and suggestions that people should do things a certain way often set off fights and hurt feelings.
(Not saying there isn't room for disagreement about the above issues, just using those issues as examples about how people become angry when their choices are questioned.)
I think that the best solution for me personally is to sit next to people who have eating habits that are more similar to mine. Unfortunately, since I am hard of hearing, I need to watch people's mouths in order to understand what people are saying. Perhaps I could mention to certain people (coughmymothercough) that they chew with their mouths open... sometimes people are more amenable when they are committing a breach of table etiquette than when they are offending others' ethical sensibilities...
Anyway, thank you all for your understanding and help.
