Carol--You are always posting wonderful things so I thought I would give it a shot. This from my Nourishing Connections Newsletter.
Body Hatred is Learned
Nourishing Nuggets
"To be nobody but yourself—in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else—means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." ~E.E. Cummings
Reflections for Staying Attuned
Body hatred is a learned behavior.
Have you ever met a baby who hated her body? Somewhere along the way, we learn to dislike, and even hate, our bodies. How did we learn this?
To answer that question, let's consider:
• who teaches us to scrutinize our bodies?
• who teaches us to be critical of ourselves?
• who teaches us not to like our bodies?
• who teaches us not to like ourselves?
Start by taking a concerted look at the advertising world. It will become startlingly clear that advertisers want women to feel dissatisfied with themselves; the message is right there in the ad. But—lucky us—the advertisers’ products have the answer to the very dissatisfaction they are promoting.
Now consider prejudice. A woman who hates her body and is constantly concerned about food and weight will rarely break the glass ceiling. There is a great deal of theory about downtrodden groups, like women, and how the oppression they suffer becomes internalized. "Internalized oppression" occurs when people are targeted or oppressed over a period of time. They eventually internalize the myths and misinformation that society communicates to them about their group. For example, women frequently internalize the stereotype that they are not attractive (or smart, productive, happy) unless they are thin. This learned belief causes many women to regularly engage in what is a universally feared experience, living with hunger.
While learning body hatred from many different sources, we absorb and adapt to the rules of what is acceptable. When we begin to break free of body hatred, we are breaking the rules. Consider if a woman said, "Yeah, I'm pretty okay with my body." Many would eye her suspiciously. Why? Because she dares to break some very powerful rules!
Since body hatred is a learned behavior, it can be unlearned. Not easy to do, but worth the effort. Dare to break the rules. Decide to re-learn to like yourself inside and out. Reconnect with the body acceptance with which you were born.
Stay Attuned Tip
One woman, who typically made disparaging comments whenever she saw her reflection, made a commitment to herself to never pass by a reflection without saying, "Hello there, you Gorgeous Goddess." Sometimes she would pass by and try to ignore the reflection, but because of her commitment to herself she would turn around, take a peek, and say, "Hello there, you Gorgeous Goddess." This simple exercise was enough to change her perception of herself. She even began to carry herself differently. The change was dramatic (but not surprising, since neuroscience studies support this result of shifting from negative self-talk to positive self-talk).
So, just for today, whenever you see your reflection, say something powerfully positive to yourself. Take a minute right now to decide what that will be. Some examples are:
• “Wow, what a wonderfully powerful woman!”
• “Hey, bright and beautiful you!”
• “Those women at Nourishing Connections must be crazy, but I’ll give it a try—’Hello there sweet and wonderful person!’ ”
Stay Attuned Affirmation
"I am the exquisite woman in the window. "
I'm really good at talking down to myself. If I flub up, drop something, just do something wrong I say to myself, "You idiot." I don't know when that started but it should stop. Just recently I started finding things I like about my reflection so I asked my Dh if he thought I was pretty and of course he said, " I think you're beautiful." I told him he should tell me more often without being prompted. ha!
Yesterday I wore a skirt and blouse that I haven't worn in a long time because it was too small. Shay, your post reminded me of my negative thinking. My first thought was that I must be sick again and that's why I'm losing weight. Not a good thought. I know that in summer I usually weigh less than winter, too. But the thought that I may be eating less and IE is working only just crossed my mind.
Hi everyone. Hope everyone had a nice holiday weekend. I didn't go anywhere, just pretended I did. I did hear from a cousin in Alaska, and when he was telling me the weather there, it made me feel cooler, at least. Actually, it made me wish I was there.
You guys have been posting good articles, so here's one I read in Prevention, and thought it was good, and on point with IE.
I've been wanting to binge a lot the past week, but so far have managed to avoid it. I know it's from having so many mechanical and expensive problems last week. Also haven't restocked my fridge and freezer since the melt-down, so I don't have what I really want to eat around. I get paid this week, so I'll get that problem solved at least.
Thanks for that Jerie. I printed it and will read it when I get off here. Yes, keeping on......that's what we're doing. I've tried a few diets and can never stick to them. There is a Dr. Hancock posting over in the Lord's Table thread that counsels people about IE and has a book and a website. The book is kind of expensive but maybe we could get some ideas from the website.
Hey Ladies,
Been busy with my sis visiting from Georgia for the 4th. I did a really good job with IE while she was here. Let me tell you, that is a tough thing with a mom like mine who must think jello salad is a food group. She makes what seems like fifty different kinds.. plus all the other stuff. I am heading to a conference tomorrow and the stress of getting everything done and leaving my kids behind did put me into binge mode. I ate way too many m&m's at bowling last night, but bowled my highest game ever! (155)(I'm no pro) I ate well today. We went to subway for lunch, and I ordered a foot long even though the "new Kay" know she doesn't need a footlong anymore. I ate half. THen my 12 year old was still hungry so he ate half of the other half. I ate the rest. I was glad that I exercised self control. It was pretty stressful today because my five year old fell in Wal-mart and cut his head on a shelf. It was bad enough that I had to take him to the doctor to get stitches. We were at the Doctor's office for over 2 hours. (Which made our subway trip 2 hours past our normal lunch time.) My older son and I had to go back to wal-mart later in the day because we were there to get clothes for a trip he is taking. We went back to the "scene" of the accident. Our cart with once cold dairy products was still sitting there, and they didn't even clean the blood and skin tissue off the end of the shelf! I couldn't believe it!
I'm feeling a little frumpy from a lack of exercise this last week, but I am going to take some workout clothes to my conference and try to get some time in. I'll check in when I get back!
Kay, mom MIL was just like that about jello and my DH loves jello salads. I hardly ever make them because my mom didn't make them much and because I could never see that there was much food value in them. I could be wrong about that, though. I ususally use fresh fruit for salads like cut up watermelon, oranges, grapefruit, etc. It is much faster and easier. I just put a plate of them on the table or have tossed salad sometimes. We just finished freezing about 100 lb of strawberries from our garden. We gave a lot away, too, because our freezer was getting too full. The sure are good fresh with peanut butter on toast.
Jerie asked how we are doing with IE. I'm doing okay. I could be doing better. I am not eating past full but I am eating just because I can. Not because I am hungry. I am at 106 days binge free so I am happy about that but I know I can be making better choices.
Carol--The doctor has started a thread on here also. I will take a look at that and her website.
Some interesting thoughts from the Beyond Chocolate newsletter.
PRINCIPLE NO. 8: Move!
Remind me what this principle is about
The shape of things to come
Summer's here and it's time to luxuriate in the feel of the sun on your skin, while away weekends in the garden or park, eat alfresco with friends, enjoy a little ease. But perhaps you've been anticipating the holiday season with more dread than delight... Maybe jetting off is synonymous with stripping off - and putting you off going! If only you'd stuck to that new, celebrity-endorsed crash diet... If only you'd gone to the gym every day like you'd promised yourself... But didn't you say that last year, and the one before that? Sure, you lost a few pounds, but was it worth it, when you found you'd put all the weight back on when you got back from that week away?
You could... sign up to your local slimming club (again) and vow to lose a stone by August - starting tomorrow
Or you could... find out why diets don't work and what you can do that does - starting today
You could... buy new clothes in the size you're determined to be before your holiday
Or you could... learn how to like the body you're in right now, on the way to the body you want
You could... longingly watch others eat ice cream while you make do with low-fat frozen yoghurt
Or you could... enjoy the foods you love without guilt - and stop living a low-fat, low-carb, low-interest life
You could... force yourself to go to the gym every day, even though you hate it
Or you could... be open to new ways of moving that will fill you with joy
You could... put off that week in the sun till you have the perfect beach body
Or you could... have your best summer yet, beginning with one life-changing day
Great article Carol. What is Beyond Chocolate? Is it a book, or what? I loved all the things you "could".
Been doing good with eating last 2 days. Really been paying attention to listening for those "not hungry anymore" signals. I have a real bad habit of eating everything on the plate (remnants of a father who wouldn't let us leave the table until we ate everything??) before checking to see if I'm satisfied. So to help me with that, I've been putting really small servings on my plate. It's been just fine, but I find I get hungry faster. In one of the IE books I've read (maybe geneen roth) it says you should celebrate being hungry, because it's another chance nurture yourself by feeding yourself exacly what you want. That's a mindset that it's hard to get my arms around, but it is true. When you feed your loved ones, it's one of the ways you nurture them, isn't it? And if you're like me, you go out of your way to give them what they love. So I'm trying to look at it that way.
It is a book and a website but the authors are located in England. I've been waiting for the book to go down in price on Amazon but no used copies yet. My folks were clean your plate people, too, Jerie. Lately my problem is that nothing tastes very good. And then I go searching.....ha!
I like to read IE succes stories and here is one from "Traci".
I started IE officially on 1/1/2007. I had the book for years, but
only had used it as an excuse to binge and then went on a "real diet"
to lose the weight. Of course it never worked for long.
So, 1/1/07 I decided that I was actually going to work through the
process, a step at a time, and was committed to healing my
relationship with food.
What has happened since that time is beyond my wildest dreams. I
tried on BATHING SUITS today, and was not unhappy with the experience!
I'd had 40 years of a messed up relationship with food. Because of
this, it took a LONG time to heal. I started with honoring my hunger
and legalizing all foods. I hate to say that I did indeed gain a lot
of weight, but I knew that I was working through some deep stuff, and
I kept at it. It was scary and upsetting, for sure. It takes courage
to let go of control and trust your body. It takes courage to take
steps backward and know that you will eventually move forward.
Then, nine months after I'd started the process, I knew that I was
ready to start portion control. So, I logged my food and kept track.
Not so that I could beat myself up if I "ate too much" but so that I
could know what 2000 calories feels like. I was so out of touch, I
had no idea what a "normal" eater ate like.
I also started exercising. I learned that I hate gyms not exercise
It's OKAY not to like the gym. That doesn't
make me a fattie mchattie.
In October, I stopped drinking alcohol. Now, I wasn't an alcoholic,
but I was using wine to make myself feel better. When I removed that,
boy! did I have a lot to deal with. What followed was a major period
of self examination, and a lot of changes that had nothing to do with
food.
I learned that I don't like most of the things I was eating before. I
truly have become a connoiseur of food now. If it's crap and doesn't
taste good or make me feel good, I don't eat it. It took a lot of
testing out of things, but now I am so adventurous when it comes to
food!
Fast forward to now, 18 months out. I am down 35 pounds (still am
carrying an extra 35) and feel fantastic. I eat what I want, when I
want, and love every single thing that goes into my mouth.
So, if you are new here and want to know if IE "works" let me just
tell you this. If I knew 18 months ago that I would have this
relationship with food, that my life would look like this, I would
have saved myself a lot of anxiety.
If you're worried, don't be. DO THIS. Take the risk. It's scary to
let go of control and to trust that you really do know what is best
for you. You don't have to listen to what someone else tells you to
eat or do. Take the leap of faith. You may take a few steps backward
before you make progress. But, if you keep at it, YOU CANNOT FAIL.
There is no failure in IE. The only thing you have to lose is your
messed up relationship with food.
Come, take our hands--the ones of us who have been here awhile. We
can help you. It's the best journey you'll ever take.
Hi Everyone - Things have been quiet on the board, I see. We're in the midst of thunderstorm season here - we get a lot of ground strikes - so the electric is iffy. I had one computer trashed a few years ago from power surges (even tho it was plugged into a surge protector), so since then I power off pc's when storms are in the forecast. That's why I haven't been here in so long.
I'm doing fairly well. I have been doing a ton of writing when I've been wanting to eat. I'm not sure if I'm learning anything about myself, but it does keep my hands busy.
I liked Traci's story. It's true about how IE thinking makes everything in your life better if you take the time to really do it. I hope I can eventually get to the place that she obviously is.
Carol--Loved the "could" list too. I just did the clothes one this weekend. I'm one of those that has a closet full of clothes I can no longer wear. Size 8skirts and size 10 jeans. Now I was practically living in sweats and it was quite a feat to figure out what to wear each day. I went shopping this weekend and am currently wearing what fits now and I feel so much better!
I did hear from a cousin in Alaska, and when he was telling me the weather there, it made me feel cooler, at least. Actually, it made me wish I was there.
