me and mom were in the dollar store together a few months ago... you know how they have candy bars as you check out... i reached over to grab one... and infront of God and everyone,,, loud... " you dont need that put that back!"
Did i mention im 30 , married and had my son with us?
My mother is short.... so i said "Hush shorty".... she knows before i have told her i can lose weight but she cant get taller! Makes her mad.... childish i know and petty but it was hurtful.
me and mom were in the dollar store together a few months ago... you know how they have candy bars as you check out... i reached over to grab one... and in front of God and everyone,,, loud... " you don't need that put that back!"
How horribly embarrassing! I have to say, my mother is the opposite. She wants to be the "skinny one," so when I come to visit, she buys all of the things that she knows I have difficulty resisting. I would list them, but I don't think that would do anyone any good! That's why I'm so worried about going to see them this summer, in fact. I've enlisted my dad on my side, and pledged to make NO exceptions (for fear of how far I can go with that when I'm there). It's amazing how our mothers can make us feel like little children no matter how old we get!
I have prematurely gray hair ( since I was 30) and I have always dyed it back to my natural color (only better )
lately I haven't been keeping up with it and I haven't been doing facials and my nails and such...
and I was thinking I should do those things for myself....
and someone said..."why bother? there is no point...you'd be putting lipstick on a pig.....you should wait til you are at least a LITTLE BIT thinner...."
Oh Laura!!! Wy do we talk to ourselves like that? I am totally guilty of it. But you would never say that to another human being, so why say it to yourself? When I start thinking like that (and trust me I've said worse things to myself), I look in the mirror, literally, and contradict the negative thing I just thought. Talk nicely to yourself. Talk to yourself like you would talk to your sister or your daughter. And congratulate yourself for losing 4 pounds and being here and trying to make a better life for you.
Take care of yourself, you're so worth it. We all are!
Once we were out with my little tiny sister and her husband, and she looked especially cute that evening. I was wearing this stupid sweater that my husband had gotten me for Christmas, and I felt especially uncute. On the way home, he remarked that Aggie looked really cute in that little outfit, and he supposed I wouldn't be able to wear anything like that (it wasn't sexy or anything, just cute -- plus she's a size 4 and I'm at least a 14...). I cried all the way home, but when we got home I crawled into bed with my pen and paper and wrote him a l-o-sn-g and poignant note about how that made me feel. I really poured my soul into that note. I said I didn't know if he thought he was helping me or hurting me, but I felt that that was a really truly mean thing to say. And SO demeaning. And totally counterproductive. And NEVER to do it again. And you know what? He hasn't. He's been totally supportive of my efforts to lose weight, and now he encourages me instead of belittling me.
A lot has changed with my husband over the last 6-8 years or so, and I do believe he went through a hellacious midlife crisis. He had this mean streak (totally unlike him in earlier years) that would just suddenly come out. My kids did all they could to avoid him during that time, and it's sad because he lost a lot of good times with them. Now, though, that they're all adults, thank goodness they just love him to death and all is forgiven.
And I love him to death as well, and he treats me so kindly.
RIght after I had my son, I'm talking 2 weeks post partum, my mom said to me,
"You know, from the back you can't really tell how much weight you've gained!"
Seriously, she said that as if it was a compliment! She's always been tiny, even underweight, and has always given me a hard time about being built, "like your father..." whom she hates. So insensitive.
She hasn't seen me since last September but knows I've been losing weight. She recently had the nerve to send me a picture of myself from last year that I'd never seen before and it was so gross.... I don't know what she's thinking....
I must add that I am eternally grateful that DH has NEVER mentioned my weight, even at it's highest. He has not touched the subject one time and even has defended me when I've gotten down on myself.
The downside of that though is that he doesn't really praise me or make a big deal out of my loss so far.... I kinda wish he would.
Bizlaw...that was a great comeback. And kudos to your hubby for taking it so well.
Having people treat skinny people better than fat, caused a lot of my anger the first time I lost a mountain of fat and had to deal with "men" stopping traffic so I could cross the street...etc. etc. And I find that I re-evaluate my thinking anytime I come across an extremely obese person. I try to mentally give them a blessing, and remember to give gratitude that I don't have the same problem that they have.
I am coming to grips with a lot of thinking about what it means to be a certain wt. I have lost 55 pounds and no one at church has even mentioned the change. I went from a size 26 jeans to a size 14, and still no one has mentioned it. So I keep reminding myself that I am doing this for me and not for anyone else. I am toying with the concept that unhappy males (husbands) are what make women fat.....they put so much stress on their wives .....and women tend to be stress (emotional) eaters. (My husband died about 5 years ago, and I am having a lot easier time losing wt this time than all the many times I have tried it before.
Discrimination on the job front is pretty noticable too....everything from getting employed in the first place, to getting equal salary, to promotions, and everything inbetween.
It would be fun to make every skinny person who acts/talks inappropriately wear a fat suit that they couldn't take off for a year!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Laura!!! Wy do we talk to ourselves like that? I am totally guilty of it. But you would never say that to another human being, so why say it to yourself? When I start thinking like that (and trust me I've said worse things to myself), I look in the mirror, literally, and contradict the negative thing I just thought. Talk nicely to yourself. Talk to yourself like you would talk to your sister or your daughter. And congratulate yourself for losing 4 pounds and being here and trying to make a better life for you.
Take care of yourself, you're so worth it. We all are!
it's so true..I am going to stop doing that to myself....
and if anyone else wants to say mean things TO me or AT me...well screw them...they are unenlightened....
My mother is short.... so i said "Hush shorty".... she knows before i have told her i can lose weight but she cant get taller! Makes her mad.... childish i know and petty but it was hurtful.
This is so funny because it reminds me of something I said to my former mother in law. She was a hateful hag, by the way. She always made mean comments about my weight and I always let them roll off. One day, though, she said about 5 in a row and for some reason it just really hit me wrong. I said, "I can lose fat, you can't do anything with ugly!" Mean, yes, but she never mentioned my weight again!
This is an interesting thread.....it seems to me that people who preceive themselves "different" (that includes the obese) will always feel that people are talking about them behind their backs as was mentioned by lalique.
MarinePrincess...about the ladder....try to buy a ladder at the local hardware store...home depot....menards...etc...that will hold over 225 pounds, it is nearly impossible, commercial grade ladders generally don't go over 275 to 300 pounds, could be that the man you were working with judged himself to be close to the ladder limit, and that maybe you were larger therefore it would be much better for him to do the ladder. (My brother (200 lbs) broke my ladder....believe me....it's not nice.)
lilybelle...that was an awful incident....if you could have thought to say something like, I am awfully sorry I stepped on your foot, now if you will apologize for the name calling, we can move on. If the aide refused to apologize then you would have been right to talk to however many supervisors it took to have this aide repreminded. (Too often obese people do not stand up for themselves......thusly we get pushed around a lot!)
lendingheart.....OK....Do tell us......just how do you get mens goats???????
I have prematurely gray hair ( since I was 30) and I have always dyed it back to my natural color (only better )
lately I haven't been keeping up with it and I haven't been doing facials and my nails and such...
and I was thinking I should do those things for myself....
and someone said..."why bother? there is no point...you'd be putting lipstick on a pig.....you should wait til you are at least a LITTLE BIT thinner...."
that someone was me.....
I've said the same thing to myself for the past 11 years. NO MORE! I'm done with being fat, I'm done with being embarrassed of my weight, and darn it, I'm going to lose this weight for ME this time. I've started buying nice clothes again, even wear makeup and jewelry when I have the time. I forgot how much I used to enjoy doing those things before- not to mention, you can't eat when you have your toes and fingers nails newly polished, and you don't want to make your lipstick run or wear off by eating.
You all have made me appreciate my husband SO MUCH! He's not always johnny-on-the-spot with a compliment, but he's very caring and I've never got the feeling he wasn't interested in me because of how my body looks. He is on the same journey we are so we compare bones and sizes and such and have a pretty good time with it.
I've never really had a horrible "fat" comment, but I sometimes get a little defensive with the way people try to compliment the weight loss. The mother of one of my daughter's friends just attacks me every time she sees me screaming, "MY GOD! HOW MUCH WEIGHT HAVE YOU LOST??" Jeez! It's 50 pounds, not 200! I know she means well, but come one, did you think I looked like King Kong before???
And the mother thing...my mom is great, but she's been dropping not so subtle hints for years about what I eat. She is my biggest cheerleader now, but really, I could have done without the hints. She lives about 500 miles from me, so I only see her a few times a year, but she asks on the phone, "are you still losing?" I've told my husband I really want to say no - gained it all back, mom. Just to see what she says. Pretty mean, huh?
And the very worst nearly cost me my marriage..and is very much like Rhonda's. Some of you already know this. In hindsight...I should never have pushed the issue.
My husband had been really down for several days...I started bugging him about why, why, why??? Finally he told me that he was not sexually attracted to me and he couldn't take it (my fatness) anymore....I LOST IT!!!
I went to my bedroom and SCREAMED into my pillow like I have never done before. I cried for days, weeks... That comment broke something in my very soul. I had always believed that he was attracted to me no matter what...and he wasn't. It has taken several years for us to be OK again.
Linda
Oh, that is soooo familiar Problem is, my DH is overweight and still said that! And he has said he is embarassed to be seen with me. Yet he sabatoges all of my weight loss attempts. Some days I just don't understand.
I mean it's bad enough, to get those horrible remarks from strangers and sometimes family. But when it's your spouse it is very devestating. I would never dream of saying that to him.
And Moxie - the job promotion pass over - been there, done that. Had to be the assistant to the skinny minny who got the job and ended up doing all the work One of my so-called friends who was on the selection committee said " If you weren't so fat you could have had the job". That's a true friend (scarcasm implied).
I just don't know why people think it is Ok to say anything that comes to mind just because you are overweight!
MarinePrincess...about the ladder....try to buy a ladder at the local hardware store...home depot....menards...etc...that will hold over 225 pounds, it is nearly impossible, commercial grade ladders generally don't go over 275 to 300 pounds,
This so true. I've often thought about how ridiculous this is. I mean, you don't even need to have an overweight man to tip the scales over 250 after you add tools & workboots - pretty common accessories to a ladder I would think. Ridiculous!!!
I think the two worst times for me would be the time a woman referred to me as that "heavy middle-aged woman" to my close friend (who has never been an ounce overweight). I was 23 at the time.
The 2nd was when I was working for an absolute B$%#@ that no one liked and someone picked up a pair of my shorts & thought they were hers (I worked at a pool so this isn't as weird as it sounds). Everyone in the office was passing them around making jokes about the fat cow, these were probably her scivvies - it's all that would fit, etc. I don't think anyone ever realized they were actually mine but I was so mortified that the next time I was alone in the office I slipped those shorts right into the garbage even though they were brand new. Just couldn't bring myself to wear them again.
Ah, everyone's stories have me blinking back tears here today. I hope none of us ever have to grin & bear through moments like these again.
)
And he has said he is embarassed to be seen with me. Yet he sabatoges all of my weight loss attempts. Some days I just don't understand.
One of my so-called friends who was on the selection committee said " If you weren't so fat you could have had the job". That's a true friend (scarcasm implied).
