When he was 17 he weighed 220. He went into basic training and came out like 8 weeks later weighing 160. Its been 25 yrs and he still weighs around 160. So he honestly thinks that I can lose all the weight I need in just a couple of months, if only I would listen to him!
That's just BS hun. My hubby did the same thing went he went to boot camp for the USMC (but he doesn't use it as a reason in fights). It's NOT healthy. The instructors run them like dogs for 18+ hours a day and only give them 5-15 minutes to "eat" (a.k.a. shovel food in before the instructors cut them off). Anyone would drop weight if they did it that way. Tell him to shut it.
ARGH! It's a good thing I have not succeeded in inventing the Insta-Death-Ray!
It is just so maddening how cruel people can be. It's just FAT. It's not a moral failing!
I'm sorry to read these stories... and I'm sorrier for the pain we carry around as fat, or formerly fat, people.
Grrrrr....
I want in on that Insta-Death-Ray. Sounds useful, both for people who are cruel and every annoying driver in my path.
This thread got me talking with some of my friends about the things people say and people just are not that creative. Every one of them has heard the "when are you due?" question and most have heard whale and animal jokes. I wonder why it's still socially acceptable to be mean to fat people, women especially.
Reading all these made me remember when I was about 14 or 15.My cousin had told some friends of mine that I could have rolled to the family reunion.I avoid the big family reunion even now for fear of running into him...to this day I can't stand him.
I have been overweight all my life, and used to get picked on in school of course. But I think the most embarrassing and painful thing was when the little girl I nanny for said, "Look at that fat cloud! Oops...mommy says we're not supposed to say fat by you." I wanted to die. How do you respond when a 3 year old asks why your tummy is so big?
Actually, I think it's possible that the Mom of the 3 year old was trying to teach her that saying things can hurt a person's feelings. 2-8 year olds seem to have their own "angle" from which they see the world. Many younger kids don't see fat/skinny, black/white, or bald/hairy. Yet, the mother relized that a particular word "fat" could hurt a person that she and her daughter cared about.
I was thin/slender for most of my life, having gained the majority of my weight in the past ten years, I've come up against the comment, "You're tall" or "How's the weather up there?" While many women might view that as a compliment, tone of voice and non-verbals can reveal that the (usually male) commentator is NOT making a positive statement. It used to bother me. Now, I say things like, "Yep, I've achieved my genetic apex." (Which we all have...but really the multi-sylabic words usually confuse the initiator.) I even wear high heels. I like them now and again and I could care less what someone else thinks.
I also got the "When are you due?" comment. But looking back, I was a size 12 and 173 lbs. I really shouldn't have been so ticked, but I have never worn that shorts outfit again...nor will I.
Now that I'm heavier, I've had very few people make comments about my weight (like "You're fat!") except for 1 horrible boss (where it would have been inappropriate for me to respond), and a couple of truly insensitive idiots.
I'm a bit, ummmm, well... ...let's just say there's a fiery side to me. I've had a couple of good comebacks, like "Really? You've got to be kidding! The scale said I weigh 120 lbs. The mirror reflects a fantastic gal. Oh, I'm sorry, shouldn't have brought that up since you see a shallow twit when you look in the mirror." (Yes, I know it's wrong to name call. It's hurtful and I shouldn't do it. I make a LOT of other mistakes in my life too.)
One guy said that if I was his wife and didn't lose weight after the baby, he'd divorce me. I smiled and said sweetly, "Honey, we wouldn't have had a baby together, you're not really attractive to me." (I know, I know...It was awful to say! His wife was a sweetie and got a kick out of the comment because her husband had such a big head.)
I guess my point is...the comebacks - NOT such a good idea. Being hurtful back is NOT helpful.
On the other hand, if people can't say something kind and supportive, then they don't need to comment on the situation at all. It's not like they know your entire medical history, your personal struggles, or your concerns at the moment. Each of us is the keeper of our own information. We don't need to accept or believe the rediculous drivel perpetuated by insensitive people (well meaning or malicious). Cosmically, "what goes around comes around and they will get theirs." But we don't need to accept what they're dishing out.
It took me a long time to learn that. And, I learned it from the wretched situation with the boss who called me fat. (He was 4 lbs overweight for the first time in his life...oooo...like he can relate? I Don't Think So!) But, what I realized is that he was a fanatic about looks, packaging, and that his ability to deal with a struggle (like the one I faced) was impossible for him to imagine. It would have devastated him. I'm not worried. He'll have his struggles. He said what he said to be hurtful. I don't have to accept that trash. It doesn't help me on my journey to be more healthy.
Please don't think that I think this is easy. Or that it will work for everyone, or every situation. I'm also not saying that people don't have valid feelings of hurt. We all do.
I'm just saying that, after reflection, I don't choose to include his "assessment" of me. My assessment is that I'm a capable, giving, caring, loving woman with a lot to offer the world. I'm on a journey of a thousand steps (or at least 77 lbs). My assessment is: I'm out there taking the journey. Perhaps I've taken some wrong paths, or delayed my journey for a while, but I'm just out there doing what needs to be done to the best of my ability. If someone isn't going to cheer me on or support me on that journey, then they're really not worth listening to (including my dad).
There's so much negative in this world, that I find places like 3fc.com (here) and a few other places a safehaven to turn myself around and find the cheers that I need to help me take each next step each day.
To everyone here: I'm in your corner. I think you're doing a wonderful thing for yourself. You're finding your path. Those insensitive people out there are just "toe stubs" along your way. Oh, and by the way...thanks SO much for "being there" for me.
I need y'all when the world feels negative to me. You're the ones who've helped me see the positives and help me get back up on my journey when I fall down.
Cammie
Actually, I think it's possible that the Mom of the 3 year old was trying to teach her that saying things can hurt a person's feelings. 2-8 year olds seem to have their own "angle" from which they see the world. Many younger kids don't see fat/skinny, black/white, or bald/hairy. Yet, the mother relized that a particular word "fat" could hurt a person that she and her daughter cared about.
I was thin/slender for most of my life, having gained the majority of my weight in the past ten years, I've come up against the comment, "You're tall" or "How's the weather up there?" While many women might view that as a compliment, tone of voice and non-verbals can reveal that the (usually male) commentator is NOT making a positive statement. It used to bother me. Now, I say things like, "Yep, I've achieved my genetic apex." (Which we all have...but really the multi-sylabic words usually confuse the initiator.) I even wear high heels. I like them now and again and I could care less what someone else thinks.
I also got the "When are you due?" comment. But looking back, I was a size 12 and 173 lbs. I really shouldn't have been so ticked, but I have never worn that shorts outfit again...nor will I.
Now that I'm heavier, I've had very few people make comments about my weight (like "You're fat!") except for 1 horrible boss (where it would have been inappropriate for me to respond), and a couple of truly insensitive idiots.
I'm a bit, ummmm, well... ...let's just say there's a fiery side to me. I've had a couple of good comebacks, like "Really? You've got to be kidding! The scale said I weigh 120 lbs. The mirror reflects a fantastic gal. Oh, I'm sorry, shouldn't have brought that up since you see a shallow twit when you look in the mirror." (Yes, I know it's wrong to name call. It's hurtful and I shouldn't do it. I make a LOT of other mistakes in my life too.)
One guy said that if I was his wife and didn't lose weight after the baby, he'd divorce me. I smiled and said sweetly, "Honey, we wouldn't have had a baby together, you're not really attractive to me." (I know, I know...It was awful to say! His wife was a sweetie and got a kick out of the comment because her husband had such a big head.)
I guess my point is...the comebacks - NOT such a good idea. Being hurtful back is NOT helpful.
On the other hand, if people can't say something kind and supportive, then they don't need to comment on the situation at all. It's not like they know your entire medical history, your personal struggles, or your concerns at the moment. Each of us is the keeper of our own information. We don't need to accept or believe the rediculous drivel perpetuated by insensitive people (well meaning or malicious). Cosmically, "what goes around comes around and they will get theirs." But we don't need to accept what they're dishing out.
It took me a long time to learn that. And, I learned it from the wretched situation with the boss who called me fat. (He was 4 lbs overweight for the first time in his life...oooo...like he can relate? I Don't Think So!) But, what I realized is that he was a fanatic about looks, packaging, and that his ability to deal with a struggle (like the one I faced) was impossible for him to imagine. It would have devastated him. I'm not worried. He'll have his struggles. He said what he said to be hurtful. I don't have to accept that trash. It doesn't help me on my journey to be more healthy.
Please don't think that I think this is easy. Or that it will work for everyone, or every situation. I'm also not saying that people don't have valid feelings of hurt. We all do.
I'm just saying that, after reflection, I don't choose to include his "assessment" of me. My assessment is that I'm a capable, giving, caring, loving woman with a lot to offer the world. I'm on a journey of a thousand steps (or at least 77 lbs). My assessment is: I'm out there taking the journey. Perhaps I've taken some wrong paths, or delayed my journey for a while, but I'm just out there doing what needs to be done to the best of my ability. If someone isn't going to cheer me on or support me on that journey, then they're really not worth listening to (including my dad).
There's so much negative in this world, that I find places like 3fc.com (here) and a few other places a safehaven to turn myself around and find the cheers that I need to help me take each next step each day.
To everyone here: I'm in your corner. I think you're doing a wonderful thing for yourself. You're finding your path. Those insensitive people out there are just "toe stubs" along your way. Oh, and by the way...thanks SO much for "being there" for me.
I need y'all when the world feels negative to me. You're the ones who've helped me see the positives and help me get back up on my journey when I fall down.
Cammie
Wow Cammie. Just...wow.
That is such a great post.
Everyone on this forum is amazing. You ALL inspire me so much.
Personally, my favorite comeback to a rude man is " People who need to make hurtful statements to others, do so to direct attention away from their own shortcomings. And my guess is yours lies right their between your legs". Doesn't matter how many guys are with him, his friends will be laughing at him! .
That's too funny. I'll have to try and remember it.
when i was in grade school, i made up this great poem. i was such a good writer. the last line was "I see what's in the mirror, looking back at me.", and I read it to the class. this boy i had a crush on said "A BABY WHALE" really loudly, in front of the whole class. I just cried silently while everyone laughed.
I have never read my own work out loud again. I won't even let people read it. I know we were kids, but it ruined me. After that, I became obsessed with my weight.
My husband said about an overweight woman tv who was wearing a nice dress that I said was beautiful... "Yeah, but she's a big girl too..." It made me wonder, does he really think of me that way? He's always said no, and I've never pressed the issue, but it makes me think.
My hubby use to be best friends with this guy ( greg) that i dated way before i got with hubby.... no hard feelings there.
Well i dated Greg back in the time of Heavy Metal... Motley Crew, Metallica... long hair and rock and roll... he looked the part... all the girls wanted him.. and he got them... he was a monster 6'4" had the biker boots and all that... he was over weight for his size, it didnt hurt him any.
anyway... now years down the road he is a big head cheese in business , short hair and loafers, he is still as big as he was... but now he just looks plumpy.... not that i can talk.... i was skinny back then and now big. We saw him and his family at walmart and he was talking about how big our son was getting ( not fat... just growing as kids do) and my hubby made the coment how " thank God Kayla " gregs daughter" took after her mothers looks and not ugly old dad" .... this was not an insult to greg.. these guys first coment to each other was... " boy you got ugly " and hugged... men are different...
well anyway after my hubby was clearly giving the child a compliment that she looked like her pretty mom... greg said... " yeah but all around the middle she looks like Dad!" and patted her belly. Yes the child was shaped like her dad with her mothers face.... but THAT WAS NOT COOL!
Greg has been big all his life... chasing after little swkinny girls in his youth and he goes and calls his daughter fat! What an A**hole... i cant remember what all hubby said to greg but he got a chewing!
Cammie -- Wow -- you are truly amazing, it almost made my cry!! I needed to hear that today.
I'm amazed at what people will say to each other. I think we are all better for having lived through it, reminding us to consider the inside of someone and not to focus on the visual presentation!!
...let's just say there's a fiery side to me. I've had a couple of good comebacks, like "Really? You've got to be kidding! The scale said I weigh 120 lbs. The mirror reflects a fantastic gal. Oh, I'm sorry, shouldn't have brought that up since you see a shallow twit when you look in the mirror." (Yes, I know it's wrong to name call. It's hurtful and I shouldn't do it. I make a LOT of other mistakes in my life too.)
