[LindaBC]

That's a troubling situation. Thank goodness you got home when you did. I tremble just thinking of what could have happened if you hadn't. Not sure if you should give her another chance or not but certainly a stern talking to can't hurt. Oh, and from now on, keep your liquor and any medications safely locked away, no matter how much you trust your sitter. You just never know.

[debkay]

Adrienne, my two cents here. You MUST tell her Mother. Mom needs to know. This could be just the start, or could be something she is already into. My gosh, how much did she drink? She was actually "out" on your stoop?

I have a 17 year old daughter, if someone kept this from me, I would not be a happy camper.

One other question......do you allow her to have friends over while she sits for you? If she did this all alone, in my opinion, that is more disturbing. I think we can all agree, getting drunk at some point with friends was a sort of "right of passage" I must wonder if she let someone in your house while you were gone.

Sorry to ramble so, but in my opinion, Mom should have been called right away. I know that can't be changed now, but please inform Mom.

This is not a fun place for you to be. Your losing your sitter and you may end up in the middle of a family squabble. Bottom line......your kids safety comes first, and she is not someone you want caring for them ever again.

Sorry so preachy........but it's early and I'm still on my soapbox

Good luck to you, not an easy task before you.

[dyan_q]

I'm of two minds on this. One being that the parent has a right to know what's happening with their kids, the other being that this girl needs help from a friend, not punishment from her parents.

This could have been a plea for help, doing something that she knows you can't just let slide. Maybe she feels like she can trust you. I'd dig deeper into the angst/family situation before turning her in to her Mom.

Just an opinion from a former teenage rebel, who could have really used some empathy.

[amhlawyer]

Being a former teenage rebel myself, that was a motivating factor for me. My first instinct was to call the parents and let them deal with this fiasco. Then I calmed down and tried to figure out how to best deal with it... here's what I did...

I washed her clothes, cleaned her up and took her home. I helped her into her garage, but then she was on her own. She was scheduled to babysit today and I called her at 9:30 to tell her I was picking her up at 12:00 noon. I didn't elaborate. I took my kids to daycare and then picked HER up and told her that we were going to have a chat. I started by telling her that I wanted to know WHAT happened (and I pointed out to her that she didn't know exactly what I knew so she'd better not lie to me.) Then I told her I was going to tell her how dh and I found her and then WE were going to talk about whether or not WE were going to tell her mother.

She started by telling me that she'd gotten my kids to sleep, then she got on the computer and was talking to her friends online. She then decided it would be "fun" to mix herself a drink. Unfortunately, she picked an extremely strong liquor - "overproof" rum from Jamaica. Very strong stuff. She said she realized she'd made a grave error and that she was not prepared for what happened. She said she didn't remember anything else. I then proceeded to tell her the condition we found her and our house it. I explained to her my initial fears that a robber or kidnapper had come in, beat her up and taken our children (here's where she began to cry) and I explained to her that we thought maybe she was in a diabetic coma or something like that. She was mortified but contrite.

We then talked about why she did this. She disclosed to me that she was on an anti-depressant medication and that she sees a therapist because she's had depressive symptoms since her father died 6 years ago. She doesn't think her step-father likes her, she's confused, angry and scared. She told me how mortified she was when she woke up this morning and she was sickened (I'm sure literally, too) at the thought that she'd so seriously violated our trust.

I talked to her for almost 2 hours and I came to the conclusion that I was NOT going to tell her mother, with the condition that she make an appointment with her therapist - she talk to her about this situation - and that the therapist contact me to ensure that she's disclosed this incident. I also told her that many people advised me to dump her as a sitter but that I knew she was a decent girl at heart. I went on to explain that whatever her problems were - they were only compounded by drinking. We had a long discussion about drinking, and what it can lead to. I told her that she was not physically,nor emotionally capable of dealing with alcohol and that every time she made the decision to drink, she would probably get wasted. And every time she got wasted, she was going to wake up the next morning feeling the way she did this morning. Meaning, she will either say or do something she seriously regrets. She could end up pregnant, raped, or in a hospital or in a jail... At the very least, she will hate herself and she'll lose a piece of her integrity.

I know I did some VERY dumb things when I was a teenager, and maybe if I'd had someone like myself who had "been there, done that" to talk to, well, maybe it would've helped. I hope she sees this as a wake-up call.

In the meantime - hubby left to go fishing for 8 days, I told her for the next 8 days, she's my unpaid slave. She's going to mow our lawn, help me clean the garage, fold laundry... whatever. I told her we will have to slowly rebuild our trust in her and she's agreed.

I don't know that I've done the right thing, but I've tried to impart some wisdom, some compassion, some fear and whatever else I could.