WARNING***TOO HEAVY A TOPIC FOR FIRST THING IN THE MORNING!**
Well, I've come to an important decision and I just wanted to let all of you know since you have been in my corner from the start. As most of you know, I have been trying to have another child and having a lot of stumbling blocks out in my path. I have been trying unsuccesfully to have another child for 17 months now and I am tired. Tired of the trying and tired of the strain it has put on me and my marriage. So I am not going to try anymore--no meds, no other means. I am slowly getting to the place where I am going to be a mother of one beautiful little girl and I am going to have to be content with what God has given me. Many times in my past I have pushed for something only to have it dismally fall apart. This is no excepetion. It just isn't meant to be and I can live withthat now. It has taken me till now to be accepting of my life the way it is, not what I want it to look like. For years and years I dreamed of being a mom to two, but life sometimes never gives you whatyou expect. I have to say I fought it all the way and I don't regret the fight, at least I know now that I can walk away knowing I did everything I could to make it happen. Just isn't in the cards for me and really, that's OK. In one month's time I will be 34 years old, old in fertility years. Anything that happens from here on in will be God's choice, not my own. It has taken me to now to make these realizations since I am not affected by any hormones or such and I have clearer thinking. This decision has been a long time in coming--I knew that it was wearing on me and dh for some time now and I can see that if I continue with this dream I am only doing myself and my family an injustice. Fornow I will have to be satisfied taking the blessings as they come and not try to force a situation to happen.
So...my response to my new found freedom? I looked into part-time studies at my local college for the fall. I was going to go once upon a time--some of you may vaguely remember--but my ttc journey interrupted those plans. I am going to resume where I left off--trying to become an ECE teacher. After all, if I can't have one of my own, I can sure enjoy the beauty and love each little person has to bring. I plan on going back to work--ahhh, a very large stumbling block for me--and schooling at night or whenever my schedule allows.
What's the old saying? When life hands you lemons, make lemonade? Pretty much that's what I'm doing, squeezing some lemons.
Sorry for the heaviness, hope you all have a great day!
Woke up this morning to a brisk 28 degrees outside and a heavy frost and two doe in my front yard. One looked like a yearling, still small with it's mom.
The boys are at the kitchen table doing their school work. I think I hear the two youngest ones getting up. I really try to keep the oldest three quiet so the younger two can sleep a little longer. That has not worked this morning. The other day when I told the five year old that he needed to take a nap he told me that he no longer needed a nap because , " he's a man." Imagine a pint size terror telling you that. This is the same little boy that tried to give me away for marriage to a strange man at the local super market. He's the youngest and what ever his other brothers never did he's in line to do. Especially if it's something that'll make mom cringe. He's melted to me like glue, my little shadow. The things he does
Violin lessons this morning for the two oldest and then back home. I dont feel like doing too much today and I dont think it's going to get warmer outside so we'll probably just paint some bisque today. They like that and it's creative. Keeps them away from the T.V.
I'm going to read all my labels today and limit myself to three packs of sweetner. I really need to avoid any and all sugar. Even if it's the last thing on the ingredients label....its in there and wrecks me. I had awful cravings yesterday....but I was strong and didn't give in.
Love to all, and I hope that everyone has a great day. I'm going to try to plan out my Thanksgiving Day menu. I'll cook extra veggies for me but the regular goodies for the rest of the family. I'll have to take a look at the recipe section for some sort of goodies for me. I'll probably end up making only half a recipe because if it's too good I'll have to contend with that.
Pooky warm hugs to you. I know you thought long and hard about your decision. Only you know what is right for you. And never forget you have your beautiful daughter, you are blessed to have her. I'm sure you feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. Good Luck to you.
Pooky we were posting at the same time and when I read your post I want to respond to it.
I really do feel for you. I know the decision that you have made had to be a hard one. But just because you've deceided not to have any more infertility treatments does not mean that you have to give up on the thought of maybe having the blessing of being a mommy to another child. Maybe someday that dream will come true. Unfortunately we dont have control over that. But, we do have control over other things that's you've chosen to do....going back to school. GOOD FOR YOU!!! I am 35 and would love to some day be able to go back to school and get my RN. But for now that will have to wait. Do it while you can and enjoy your daughter they are so precious and such blessings. Time goes by too quickly when they are little.
((((((((Pooky)))))))) I know how hard a decision like this one is. After I had Tommie I despaired of ever having another child, and now with all the wackiness going on with my body, I never will be able to. It's a shame because you have so much love to share! Let us know if we can help you in any way.
A busy day at work today, Wed. is usually like that. And with a planned computer outage for tomorrow and Fri, I have a lot of catching up to do. Hope you all have a wonderful day, talk to you later!!
Morning chickies....... thanks for the coffee Pooky - I REALLY needed it! Strong and leaded, just the way I like it!!
Pook.... my heart aches for you, and I promise not to go into all the usual stuff that people say...... all I will say to you is that I am glad that you have come to a decision that you feel is best for you and your family. Whatever will happen in the future is just that: the future. Conisder yourself hugged. As far as continuing your education..... allow me to give you the BRIEF story of my life. At 19, I dropped out of college, wasn't interested. Became a bi-lingual, legal secretary. At 29, when dd2 was 2, I started work as a clerk at the IRS..... at 32 I decided to go back to college. Got my degree and became a CPA. At 51 realized I couldn't spend another day as a fulltime CPA (I would have slit my throat if I had to continue!!!).... so, with the support of dh (who was having his own work woes and troubles at the time!!!).. I quit my job and (with NO medical background whatever!) went to school full-time and am now an ultrasound tech! Pooky, I am absolutely loving what I do now! It makes me happy, and I no longer cry every morning when I have to get out of bed......... I guess the "moral" of my story is that we go thru various stages in our lives, and we should never think that we are to old to change our life and go back to school or change careers or whatever!
As for you, ChrissyB... when you are ready, GO FOR IT!
Everyone else, my apologies for being kind of off the radar for a bit.... I've been trying to lurk and keep up, but I've been working long hours and going the length and width of Long Island for my job........ for example, out in Shirley one morning, and New Hyde Park in the afternoon!...... lots of mileage (on both the truck AND on me!!! )......
Janice, hope the puppies AND most especially your dad are doing ok?
Barb and Kel.... hope the health issues in your families are also moving along nicely towards resolving themselves......
Glad Ruth and Linda had a good visit - I'm so jealous, I just cannot wait for May!!!
Not only did I get more coffee, I took a shower and started a load of laundry. Did I tell ya, I have more energy these days Hubby even made a comment last night, wanted to know what has gotten into me, I'm doing so much more around the house. I just layed it on the line, honey.....I no longer have one foot in the grave, I have lots and lots of energy!!! Take 115 pounds off your body and see how you feel. If he lost 115 I wouldn't be able to find him.
Sherrie, has Tommie made a Christmas list yet? I love buying for little girls. My daughter even tho she is 16 just loves Scooby Doo, I have found some really neat Scooby things for her.
Ruth what is Hershey's EDD? Hope you are still having a wonderful time with your daughter and her family.
Jiff, how are things going at your work these days?
Samsgrandma, guess you know YOUR Met's are wooing (is that spelled right) MY Tom Glavine. Guess we will have to wait and see what happens. Did you hear we now have Mike Hampton. If your not a baseball fan, sorry for the dribble. peachie, Chickadee where are you???
Chrissy, check out the cheesecake recipe LindaBC posted in the recipe section, sounds wonderful.
Has everyone purchased their turkey? I purchased a 21 pound turkey, can you say "leftovers." It will most likely only be the five of us, friends may come but aren't sure yet. My family likes lots and lots of leftover turkey. Me, I am not crazy about turkey the first time around, so I know I won't eat it the second time around.
I'm off on a mission today.........I'm bound and determined to find gingerbread men cookie cutters. Get outa my way here I come, I'm going to be
Pooky- I wish you all the best on your new path. I know your decision was not an easy one. Enjoy your life, you only go around once!
Debkay....all I can say is WhollySmokes!!! 115 lbs half a person is gone!!! Good for you!!
Well, for some reason, its a cranky day for me........Ive had back aches for the last couple days. So I tightened up the ole bra and thought it would help. It did a bit, but not enough. You know, of all the places Ive lost weight, that wasnt one of them!! I need some sort of harness to hold them up and keep my back from aching so much during my walks. Im just *****in......so dont pay any attention.
Things are going well otherwise, staying OP, added a few more calories and carbs the last couple days. Ive been very hungry for some reason. I do suspect my bc pills have alot to do with this. Time to think about going off them. Ive been taking them for the androgen blocker in them and they have been good. But since Ive started atkins, Ive noticed the hair on my chin isnt growing as much or as fast. Oh who knows! its just one of those days
Foggy here today. Damp, icky yucky poops!!! We only have another 4 mos of this ick to go.
Ruthie: You gone home yet? Or ya still here in the rain forest!
Well Pooky, I am sorry things are not coming together in the baby dept for you. It sounds like you have a lot of love in you heart for another child-may I suggest you call you local child and family ministry dept.
In B.C. alone there are over 800 children awaiting their forever home.(adoption) The process is not hard, but the rewards are large.
Baby Jay came through that process, and for all the little hurdles we cross through the days, those little kisses melt them away. It is a thought for you, perhaps not now, but down the road you may want to open your home to a lonely child in need of a family.
I did not give birth to Jay, he was born in my heart!
Did yall know November is adoption awareness month! Well now ya do!
I agree with you, if its meant to be then it will be. Worry for nothing, instead pray for everything. Gods Will will be Gods Will and there's nothing we can do except thank Him.
Finally after playing Bunco for 2 years, I won! $30, YaHoo! So I stayed out a little too late last night and did not get up to exercise, but that is ok, I can miss one day a week.
Pooky, Let me re-introduce myself. My name is Jenny and I became a first time mom at 35! and a second time mom at 38. You have time. My husbands's sister gave up trying after 6 miscarrages, at 42 she thought it was the big M, but no it was beautiful red headed Rebecca. I think the pressure of not trying was key for her. Also as Meowna said their are so many children waiting for a loving home such as yours. Best of luck with the path you have choosen. love to you and yours.
Janice, come out come out wherever you are!
Ruth, please check your PMs!
Robin, so sorry you are having a cranky day. Maybe you need to take a nice nap and start over.
Wow, DebKay, 115! a BIG congrats to you! Way to go girl!
Chrissy, your day is making my head spin! What a busy gal you are!
Samsgrandma, sounds like you have made some gutsy career moves.
Goodforme, boy do I hate computer down time, they seem to think you have nothing to do. Fortunately for us most of our scheduled down time is on the weekend.
Pooky,
I just had to respond to your post today!
I feel for you so much. I really do know EXACTLY what your feeling! I've been in that place for so long now I forget sometimes what it feels like NOT to want a baby!
I had my DD when I was 23. I had been married 3 months when I found out, and she was quite a shock. I wanted another when I was 25, no such luck. Did allllll the Dr. stuff that you know all about. Completly gave up. Then for no reason at all, when my DD started Kindergarten, I suddenly turned up pregnant! I was thrilled. It was terribly timing, my husband was transferred out of the country, I had just decided to go back to work, but I couldn't have been happier.
Now here I am, same spot again. My son started Kindergarten this year. For some stupid reason I convinced myself that I would automatically get pregnant when he started school. Not happening. I've even forced my husband to take me back to where we got preg. the last time, convinced it would help!
I know there are no words to ease your mind. I wish I had some. If I had a dime for everytime someone said "Just relax, thats when it happens!!" I would be so rich!!
What I do know is that I don't miss a second of my wonderful kids I do have. Wish there were more everyday, but no longer counting on it!
If you ever would like to talk, I'm happy to listen and share!
Take care.
Stacey
Hi Chicks. I'm not positive, but I think Ruth may be enroute to her home today.
Pooky, you are making the right decision. I can't add to what the rest have said except that the Lord works in mysterious ways. When I gave up ever having another baby after two traumatic miscarriages, I was totally amazed to discover I was pregnant with #2 daughter. I'm not saying that to raise your hopes because our situations are probably not similar. I just want you to know that sometimes when you let down your guard and stop obsessing about it, magic can happen. If it doesn't for you, I'm sure you will find a lot in your life that is fulfilling, most especially your darling little girl, as well as a new career. Life is good and we should count our blessings.
I'm just grateful that the sun is shining after a week of torrential rain so I'm off to do some banking and some shopping. Have a nice day.
Wicked Wednesday Chit Chat
ChrissyB
)...... 
Hubby even made a comment last night, wanted to know what has gotten into me, I'm doing so much more around the house. I just layed it on the line, honey.....I no longer have one foot in the grave, I have lots and lots of energy!!! Take 115 pounds off your body and see how you feel. 
If he lost 115 I wouldn't be able to find him. 
