A good day in the garden yesterday. It wasn't too hot and I got a lot done. Things grew very fast when I was looking the other way for the last few months.
JayZeeJay, some people here also report weight gain when they're under stress but I'm not sure if it's around the waist or all over. But you're not reporting weight gain as I read your post. So could it be a muscular thing?
Sunday morning at 157.4. I'm surprised. It's rare that I weigh in at less on Sunday morning than I did on Friday. I believe it happened because I moved from task to task yesterday, and I was hungry for part of the day.
I could keep myself just as busy today if I wanted to, but I'm not sure if I have the energy for it. What I remember of yesterday is being dead tired. The small good thing is that I found a book in the laundry room, where my neighbors drop off books they've finished: It's George Saunders' "Lincoln in the Bardo," and I love George Saunders. I was reading it in bed last night, staying up too late because it was so good.
151.6 this morning, also TOM. Suspect they are related, though I did eat too much junk this weekend. Back on track today. I tried on my wedding and engagement rings again (I had to stop wearing them during my pregnancy and haven't been able to fit them since), and was able to get them both on. Hopefully that means soon I'll be able to start wearing them all the time again, and also that means that my body composition has changed, because I didn't used to be able to fit them at 150lbs.
Monday morning, and I'll be groggy all day because of bad, interrupted sleep, partly due to drinking too much iced tea all afternoon and also partly due to a resounding car alarm going off on some neighbors' car for the entire evening. I could hear it even when I shut all the windows and ran the air conditioning as white noise.
Weigh in at 158.3, which didn't help my mood.
Three days till I depart for L.A. Too many projects at work. Feeling very low in spirits this morning and unequal to all I've taken on.
Birchie, sadly it's not a muscular thing, it's increased squishiness in my midsection. It's quite visible when I put on my tighter-fitting pants. I'm trying to actively bring down my anxiety level at work, it's too high for my job (I'm not an air traffic controller). I've been collecting sayings and tips for stress management that I can recite in my head when I get under pressure, like "stress is not what happens to you, it's how you respond to what happens (and you control that)". Of course, there's always the quote on my coworker's door: "'Stressed' is just 'desserts' spelled backward".
My MIL has left, now it's time for the next round of visitors: my sister's family. Our townhouse is too small to fit her group so they've had to get an airbnb nearby. We're still trying to negotiate the purchase of a house on the edge of town, with some land attached.
Oh, ****, JayZeeJay, that is bad news. I have it too, more than I've ever had before and I put it down to a stressful few years. I certainly eat too much nowadays, and that's part of it. Good luck with the visitors - hope they'll reduce the stress and not add to it.
I got on the scales this morning and now find I weigh 'much too much' rather than just 'too much'. What is happening to me and why? I suppose I answered this question in the paragraph above. Too much stress, too much food. Too much fighting against not-very-negotiable responsibilities.
In good news, since I've returned to heavy weights I find myself standing up very straight. That takes half a stone (7lbs) off immediately! I'm also walking with better posture. I'm framing this as the first step towards actual weight loss. And some disclosure here: 'heavy weights' at this point are not that heavy but are much heavier than I have been using. Good sleep is also helping with this.
And hard on the heels of yesterday's mention of 'good sleep', I had a bad night last night. For me, that is. I'm on my second cup of coffee and thinking about a third. I only drink three and all of those early in the day, otherwise it interferes with my sleep. You can tell I'm feeling a bit fixated on sleep this morning.
In other news, I am successfully avoiding having two slices of buttered toast. They wouldn't improve my day and might even make it worse. I'm here to testify.
You know, since I had that period of meeting the nurse for 'support' I've just gone off the rails. It made me really contrary. Those 'challenges' don't work for me either. I have always been a bit contrary.
Last night, I rummaged in my closet for clothes to wear on my business trip. I hadn't put on some of these dresses since this time last year. Imagine my horror and growing self-disgust as none of them fit and those that fit stretched tight. Went to bed with clothes heaped all over the guest bedroom, nearly in tears.
So this morning, it's Tuesday, and I left for the gym almost a half-hour late, after a weigh-in at 159.3. I didn't want to go, didn't want to go. Did my warmup of cardio. When I went for the weights, one of the new members brought in by the half-price July & August membership had claimed the Smith machine and the weights. Rather than rethinking my routine, which on this day calls for three different exercises on that machine, I literally threw in the towel and headed home.
Walked home in turmoil, thinking that my life doesn't feel very good right now. I feel like I'm in a sand-trap at a golf course.
This morning I managed to avoid the temptation to go to starbucks for some chai by virtue of the fact that there was a huge thunderstorm, and I didn't want to have to roll down my window at the drive-thru. On the other hand, I got soaked on my way in to work from the car in the parking lot. On the other other hand, since I have a gym bag at my desk, I had some dry socks to change into. 150.2 today.
Last edited by paperclippy; 07-11-2017 at 08:32 AM.
Saef....have you ever done a gratitude journal? It might help to think of what you're grateful for, and what is going well for you. I can certainly commiserate with trying on clothes that don't fit though.... never fun....
My daughter and her boyfriend were here for a few days. Warmed our hearts to see their healthy relationship! My dd has overcome many challenges in her life and I'm thrilled she has found a partner who treats her well.
I'm in the home stretch before my Italy trip. I'm doing my dardest to get some weight off so my clothes fit before I go! Overdid the exercise yesterday and I'm sore today!
I'm reporting in from vacation. I have been walking a lot (over 10,000 steps per day per my SILs Fitbit) but food hasn't been great. We went for pizza last night. Lunches have been meh, and I end up throwing out much of it which is a better choice that eating it all. I'll see where I am when I get home, but I doubt there will be much change from this current situation.
saef, I totally understand about the clothes not fitting and feeling sad and frustrated. Most of my wardrobe doesn't fit.
Jessica, way to go on the exercise and the weather-induced chai avoidance
Saef, I was in that same boat a few days ago when I wrote that post about my clothes not fitting right either. It's not a great feeling. But, what can you do to get through and enjoy your upcoming vacation? Is it worth buying one new special dress/item of clothing that fits really well right now and will make you feel good?
Birchie, low sleep is the death of healthy eating for me. Hope you can get back on track for being rested. And I know about being contrary... the surest way for me to gain weight fast is for me to sign up for a DietBet.
Hormones suck. After I turned ~45, the curve between my ribcage and hips straightened a lot. No matter how much weight I lost, I never reclaimed the curvy waist I had through my 20s and 30s. Of course, I was almost always overweight during those decades, so that may have added to the curves. I've noticed the same figure issue with many of my friends/colleagues who are over 45, and almost no one seems to keep that "hourglass" shape after menopause, even when they are at "ideal" body weight.
Saef, I agree with Michele about the gratitude journal. Other alternatives include a few sessions with a therapist knowledgeable in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and/or a conversation with your doctor about an antidepressant; some of the newer ones aren't associated with weight gain, in fact, may have some weight loss properties (Cymbalta or Pristiq). And I found my mood improved after I started taking vitamin D3 in prescription doses (50,000 units/week) to treat a deficiency state.
I am doing ok though weight loss has, predictably, stalled out just shy of my goal. This has been my pattern for the last 3+ years and it sucks, but I suppose things could be worse. I will be leaving for London tomorrow, so no weighing and not much control over my food. I'm optimistically hoping that, as is often the case, the decrease in work-related stress helps control my appetite and cortisol levels, while the increased walking at least partially compensates for the lack of formal exercise.
Wednesday morning, the day before my trip, and I've attained my highest weight in a few years, at 160 even.
The thing is, I do take an antidepressant already and I see a therapist weekly.
The end of denial is pretty crushing. But if I really want to lose 20 lbs., I have to get back to the mental space that I was in when I lost 100 lbs.
I'm telling myself that I have a lot of advantages that I didn't have on the last round. I have a daily exercise habit. I have excellent cardiovascular health and my blood work is great. All the weight lifting means I look better at 160 lbs. than I did when I was last 160 lbs.
I'm eating too much. That is the problem, pure and simple. It's cherries, roasted unsalted nuts and an Oh Yeah! One protein bar, rather than cake and lattes and salty corn chips and sweet soft drinks. So the conventional advice will not apply here. Simple changes of healthy foods for unhealthy won't work. It's subtraction of calories that I need to practice consistently.
