[saef]

Alice, your recipe sounds delicious, and like something that I made once according to a recipe online, only with mustard greens rather than spinach.

Today's weigh-in, after breakfast: 144.5. That was discouraging, though not surprising, as I do feel somewhat constipated.

Today's meals:

Breakfast: Egg bake with feta cheese, spinach and mushrooms, slice of home-made whole-wheat bread, yogurt and blackberries.
Lunch: Turkey meatball vegetable soup
Snack: Apple
Dinner: Ham, steamed cauliflower, mixed zucchini & tomatoes, half a sweet potato
Dessert: Bag of Bare Fruit Cinnamon Apple Chips


Exercise today:

Front leg raise 3x20, Lateral leg raise 3x20, Lateral w/ toes up 3x20, Lateral opposite 3x20, Bicycle 3x20, Kickback 3x20 and High knee 3x20 (both these just left leg)
Physical therapy session: 12 minutes on stationary bike, 3x15 leg curls (up and down), 12 minutes arm bike, 3x15 abductors and adductors

5-lb. dumbbell routine

[JayZeeJay]

Saef: glad to read that you are back to working, that seems like another milestone reached in your journey back to normalcy.

I'm not doing so well in the fight against fluff. I'm not exactly sure why; I'm nearly done with the book chapter from hel**, the teaching is somewhat under control, the core lab is doing OK and the research - well, it's as hectic and disorganized as ever. But I've fizzled out in my desire to manage and control my weight. My old bad habit of coming home and "rewarding" myself for surviving another day is back. My 40th birthday is coming up and I imagined myself being highly motivated to meet this milestone in the best shape I can be. Instead, I don't care about any of it, at all. I know this is burnout, I've felt it before.

[traveling michele]

Definitely sounds like burnout JZJ. What have you done before to get you out of the funk? Sounds like even though things are starting to settle down, you've had so much going on that it's been hard to focus on your health. Take a deep breath. Maybe write down some realistic goals for your 40th year. 40 was when I decided to get healthy, so you're way ahead of me!

[saef]

JZJ, when I get like that, I start looking at whether I am doing anything at all that provides IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION. Not the sensible, dutiful, long-term thinking that characterizes adult decision-making. I am talking about moments of pure joy.

Because when I am not getting enough of those, that's when I start looking for food or buying things.

There are other reasons that lead me to overeat, but perceived lack of any pleasure in my life, particularly the spontaneous kind, that's a big one.

[JayEll]

Hey JZJ. Been there! I agree with saef--find a way to get some fun or at least calm into your life, and right now. Much as you think you can't possibly afford the time, there is always time to go for a walk or visit a park or natural area or have coffee with a friend. I don't mean make it an all-day adventure (although that would be great!)--but just something to get you out from behind that desk or lab bench and change your mental state.

"Not caring" is how I ended up with serious regain. Some of that attitude was unavoidable, but I realize now that I might have been able to help myself more if I had just made the opportunity, regardless.

[JayZeeJay]

JayEll: That's exactly it, I know that not caring is my biggest enemy because someday I will care again. I did attend a lunchtime seminar today on "mindfulness and self-care". They encourage us to attend these employee health events, and in the past I've found them useful. Today - nothing. It made me realize that there's no point in doing this type of thing if I'm not open to the benefits. I was chewed out by a senior faculty member in a large meeting this morning, and after that I had definitely retreated into my big hard shell of defense and nothing could dig me out.

Saef: Can I ask what types of things you do for that feeling of instant gratification? Or if anyone else wants to weigh in? Because that's really it, I think - I'm turning back to food to fill that need.

Michelle: Thanks for that, it's good to remember that it's never too late to start or re-start (again and again) this effort.

[saef]

JZJ, hmmm, it's probably going to be very different for each of us. That requires some self-questioning on your part, maybe even worth writing stuff down while you are doing it. What does joy feel like for you? When is the last time you felt that way? Are you making any time for it?

I am good at diagnosing this feeling, not always good at treating myself.

I'd say "a spa pedicure," with a good foot massage, but for my mother who's visiting right now, that's an ordeal and not at all relaxing.

She adores losing some quarters in a slot machine, I can't think of anything more pointless.

I was just watching clips of Soul Train dancers from the early 70s on YouTube, learning about "locking" and "popping" through Wikipedia links, and I felt distinctly happy.

Friends don't always give me joy, at least not at first. I'm like an oven that has a long warm-up time. I hate when they're coming over but then I hate to see them leave.

Be honest with yourself about what gives you joy. Don't allow any other voices inside you to censor your immediate response. If it's a "guilty pleasure" or something you know someone else would scorn, if it's useless or nonintellectual or nonproductive, then all the more reason that you should indulge.

Is there *anything* other than food? When I do this exercise, my mind at first insists on food. Sometimes I cry, thinking about how much I loved something and how long it's been since I've done it. Then I know it's the truth.

[HowlinAtTheMoon]

JZJ, I can't guess what might provide an immediate reward for you in lieu of food. My immediate rewards tend to be food and buying something (like so many of us). Some days I reward myself with a whole day of not healthy eating. Like I might eat three donuts at work. And then a couple of cookies. Since I track calories, I diligently record the calories (yes I weigh the donuts and cookies on the postage scale). I tell myself if I go over the limit by the end of the day, it's only one day, and I'll know exactly how far over the limit I've gone. But miraculously, my appetite usually subsides in the afternoon and it's rare that I will exceed maintenance by more than a couple hundred calories. The next day my whole attitude seems to change for the better, maybe because my body really needed all those carbs.

Anyway, something to think about.

[saef]

Today's weigh-in, after breakfast: 144.8. Once again, disappointing. But I'm more able-bodied than ever. Either I'm eating a little more to fuel that, or I'm retaining more fluid in my sore muscles.

Today's meals:

Breakfast: Egg bake with feta cheese, spinach and mushrooms, slice of home-made whole-wheat bread, yogurt and raspberries.
Lunch: Last of the turkey meatball vegetable soup
Snack: Very small peach, plum
Dinner: Ham and cannellini bean soup with collards
Dessert: Frozen Jell-O pudding cup


Exercise today:

Front leg raise 3x20, Lateral leg raise 3x20, Lateral w/ toes up 3x20, Lateral opposite 3x20, Bicycle 3x20, Kickback 3x20 and High knee 3x20 (both these just left leg) Did this twice
Sit down on bed and then stand, without assistance, 3x15
Walked in the basement hallway for about 10 minutes, very painful at front of shin and ankle
5 lb. dumbbell routine

[JayEll]

saef, stop being disappointed in a scale reading that is still 10 pounds below your weight before the accident!

JZJ, are you feeling any better? You know, all it takes is ten minutes to give yourself a little recharge, but you have to make those ten minutes. Find a place indoors or outdoors where you can be undisturbed. Turn off the smartphone--OFF, not just on silent. Take a few deep breaths. If indoors, think about a place in nature that you love and just be there. Don't check your watch--this isn't a timed exercise!

[saef]

No weigh-in today, to keep from giving my internal critic any fodder.

Today's meals:

Breakfast: Egg bake with feta cheese, spinach and mushrooms, slice of home-made whole-wheat bread, yogurt and blackberries.
Snack: Bag of Bare Fruit Cinnamon apple chips
Lunch: Baby arugula salad with roasted vegetables, some cut-up steak and almonds
Dinner: Ham, zucchini & tomatoes, steamed green beans, half of a sweet potato
Dessert: Frozen Jell-O mousse cup

Exercise:

Front leg raise 3x20, Lateral leg raise 3x20, Lateral w/ toes up 3x20, Lateral opposite 3x20, Bicycle 3x20, Kickback 3x20 and High knee 3x20 (both these just left leg)
Physical therapy: 12 minutes recumbent bike, a little over 2.5 miles; leg curls, over & under, 4x12; abductor/adductor, 4x12; arm bike for 12 miles, just over 2 miles
5-lb. dumbbell workout

[silverbirch]

Saef, if your bread is home-made and you're only eating a slice a day, how do you store it? If it's in the freezer, don't you find it dries out?

[saef]

Birchie, I keep the bread inside the refrigerator, in a zip-lock bag. If anything there's sometimes a little sweat within the bag from removing it from the fridge and putting it back.

[traveling michele]

Yesterday had many twists and turns, as has this whole week! I'm so behind at work I keep coming in early trying to catch up!

I thought I was going to catch up yesterday afternoon because the library was being used for the Spelling Bee (I rearranged missed classes for today so today is going to be CRAZY busy!).... There were many issues at school yesterday, mainly surrounding a very bad behavior issue-- the admin were all involved... I had to set up the Spelling Bee and I thought I was going to have to run it but the principal showed up just in time. She roped me into being a judge however... boy do those kids and parents take it seriously! Our 3rd place student was devastated and her parents questioned her missing her word. Not pleasant.... Needless to say I didn't get any work done, so now I'm running around yet again!

So..... I'm off!
Hoping my dd gets in on time today and her ride (I paid for) picks her up from the airport. I know my Hong Kong relatives got in yesterday, and then tomorrow my inlaws and dh come in.... Phew!

[silverbirch]

Thanks, saef. That's interesting. No mould? Perhaps you make fairly small loaves and so eat it up before that stage.

Have been thinking of you these past days as I'm copy-editing some business Chinese English. And some Flemish. Sometimes at the same time. Hmm. You know what I mean.