I do all of my eating sitting down so maybe I should stand up more?
My mini goal this past week has been to turn off the TV if I start feeling like eating.
Next week's mini goal will be to not eat when I'm really (which is what next week will be all week). I'll try lying down in the bedroom (away from distractions) for 30 minutes instead.
Hello all! I met my goal weight 7 weeks ago, and let's just say I let myself fall off the "health" wagon and let it roll on over me So I am going to join your 5 or more down before I gain 80 pounds back!
Good luck everyone!
Friday was hurried. I forget to take my mid-morning snack on my first longish journey in the new car. I had lunch in a restaurant. This is very rare for me so my eating-out skills aren't automatic. Good fish but I had to prop my plate up on a straw to let all the butter drain away to a corner of the square plate. I bought some foccaccia from a deli as I knew the SO hadn't made any bread but it was not amazing. I ate two (over-salty) pieces to find this out which has pinged my weight up this morning. Roast duck for tea of which I ate a very small piece, some peas and carrots. You live and learn.
Saturday (today) has been quite good: sleep, exercise, food.
A good night's sleep. This set me up. Then, following my post about focused exercise, I decided to go to the gymn this morning. I don't usually go at the weekend. Different men were there, looking. Different, I suppose. I'm usually part of the furniture. And the exercise seemed to be enough and not too much to keep food under control.
Dagmar, the 'all eating sitting down' idea is connected with being aware of what one is eating. So mindless snacking in front of the goggle box is sitting down, yes, but not terribly aware. Love your 30 minutes lying down idea. Except I'd be fast asleep within about 3 minutes!
Quote:
Silverbirch's personal findings
3. Focusing on and naming my feelings is a helpful thing to do.
When I go to bed feeling a little hungry, I wake up feeling 'light', regardless of what the scales show. These are feelings which I enjoy. Taking the kind of action which results in this kind of enjoyment is worth doing, surely? (Rhetorical question. It expects the answer 'yes'!)
For me, it's also worth trying to get feelings out into the open and to name them. "I am so annoyed about ..." "I feel dreadfully sad about ..." I'm finding that this is helping to stop emotion-linked nibbling. I can't always do it but I'm trying.
Well, my grandpa died at home as he and and everyone else had hoped would happen. I did make it out there in time to see him and to do some of the nursing care. That part was not fun. Watching him slowly deteriorate, and having to make him take pills he didn't want, and taking care of all bodily functions, it was difficult. The worst part was staying up all night by his bed and hearing him ask to die over and over, and say things like "help me God". Something about the middle of the night made everything seem much worse, and he was least coherent at those times.
Anyway, after all that and the funeral, I'm finally home. I've had back to back colds from all the flying and lack of sleep, and work is chaos. My immediate goal is survival. I haven't weighed myself or thought about it for weeks. I'm afraid to after all the fattening food that was laying around and that I ate out of exhaustion, then depression.
At least I have perspective again. If I weigh 5 or 10 lbs more than I should right now, so be it. It is good just to be alive. I'll work on the fine tuning later.
Sorry, Jay, I went through that with my Mom last March. But hers was different. She was at an inpatient hospice so all medicines were discontinued in hopes of her dying sooner. The only thing she got was morphine and some stuff in her mouth to keep her mouth moist. At the few times she was coherent, she didn't necessarily say anything about dying, but more in the way of "ok, I'm ready to go now."
JayZee. I think you need time to grieve first, before thinking about anything else. To me it seems we are no longer allowed to grieve properly for those we lose. We are supposed to just carry on as usual after someone dies.
At least I have perspective again. If I weigh 5 or 10 lbs more than I should right now, so be it. It is good just to be alive. I'll work on the fine tuning later.
Oh, Jay, I am so sorry. But as you can see, so many of us have been through this. This seems to be one of the duties we have all in this life -- to be with those whom we love when they're dying, if we can -- and that no one seems to talk about, or to be able to prepare you for, when it happens.
With me, it was my father, dying of stomach cancer, and like your grandfather, he was conscious, and said things like, "God must really hate me" because of how much physical and mental suffering he went through.
I swear there is a conspiracy of silence about such things, where everyone wants them forgotten & smoothed over.
I went back to work about five days later. It really does something to your perspective. For a long time after, when someone handed me a work assignment & said how important it was, I would sardonically think to myself, "Uh, no. Actually, this is NOT that important." I had to lose that attitude quickly, though, or I couldn't function day-to-day in such a way that people would pay me for my time.
Your world has been radically tilted. Given time, it will tilt back. But for a while, it will be weird.
And don't let anyone's fear of your grief and of what you've seen make you suppress your real feelings. They're the ones who are trying to cover their eyes. You saw the truth. Living with the truth afterward is hard, though, I know.
Jay, I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa. It's hard and there's no getting away from it. But we can learn and grow from it. For my part, I'd say I'm a better person from spending time with my father as he moved towards death. And my grief has come and gone over the last few years. I'm thinking of you.
Weight 0.4kg down from Saturday.
Today was going well until a distressed friend washed up unexpectedly on the doorstep at lunch-time. Unplanned, I ate the last of the foccaccia which I had already labelled as not really suitable for human consumption. I wanted it to be lovely, you see, like much foccaccia is, and I'd have benefitted from something lovely at that point. And then there was no time for a walk.
Highlight of the day: I've mended the bathroom door so you don't have to hammer and shout to be let out anymore. I took the mechanism apart and replaced a rogue screw. I do love this kind of thing and it makes me feel very close to my father.
Quote:
Silverbirch's personal findings
4. I need a good amount of sleep almost every night.
I make no apologies for banging on about this again. I need at least 7.5 hours a night and, in an ideal world, 8 hours. Without it, Things Start To UnRavel. I get bad-tempered and that's not very helpful. I eat more in the vain hope of getting enough energy to keep going. I can't function properly. My exercise habit falters. I start to make mistakes. My skin looks less beautiful.
It's a great deal better if I get an hour or so in before midnight as I tend to wake up at the same time every day. As you know, the hours before midnight are worth twice as much as those after midnight! (Although this seems as dodgy a piece of science as one cat year being equivalent to seven human years, I'm quite prepared to believe it. Oh yes. In my experience, this is perfectly true.)
There have been times in my life when I've stayed up late. Mostly alcohol-fuelled, now I come to think of it. I don't drink alcohol any more (because of allergic reactions to it) and so I find it hard to stay awake late at night.
So I'll just go to bed now. Night.
Last edited by silverbirch; 11-20-2011 at 02:07 PM.
Thanks everyone for the kind words and for sharing your own experiences. So many people have told me that they understand because they have been through it, and that has been a real comfort.
Silverbirch, I liked that you said you are a better person for having been there with your father. This experience has certainly given me new perspective. I think ultimately it will be a good thing. I just wish I didn't feel lingering guilt about not having done more - it's the little things, like I wish I had held his hand and talked more instead of nodding off occasionally when I got too tired.
Saef, thanks for commiserating. Your posts have so much insight. The part about my world being radically tilted. That's exactly how I feel. And I already feel it moving back to normal out of necessity, and that makes me feel bad too. As if it's an insult to my grandpa for us to to be able to cope and move on too easily.
Jay, please talk as much as you like. It can help sometimes. My view about what I did or didn't do is that I did what I could, and that probably suited the moment. I have one or two regrets but I know that I was unable to do anything different. I just did not have it in me.
Monday
Weight up 0.1kg from Sunday.
Off the rails slightly today.
I read the paper at the kitchen table and then decided that second breakfasts were a good idea before wrestling with London trip planning. This happened possibly because I had told myself that second breakfasts were off. I am so bloody-minded. So I had toast and peanut butter, and toast and marmalade. White (made by the SO) toast, to boot! I can rationalise post-hoc-ly that this gave me the power to deal with two rather sad, difficult and long phone calls with a friend and with a member of the family. All the same, I require more compliance from myself next time.
In the afternoon I went to collect my new coat which has had its pockets mended. I went in the new car. With my old back pain which I thought I'd seen the back of. Hobbled out of the car. That's the car I spent ages deciding on as the one least likely to hurt me. So I took the DB and myself for afternoon tea (here = pot of tea and a cake) before getting back in the car. Then I drove home and ate a couple of oatcakes, peanut butter and marmalade.
I was using a wedge in the car but now I've bought a "Backfriend". This should help minimise back pain and encourage better compliance in the afternoon tea department (= not to bother with cake).
Salmon, potato in its jacket and broccoli for tea. And I had an allergic reaction to the organic salmon. It can be so annoying that I'm so sensitive.
Tiny goals on track. Incrementing some ab work. Food's been good. It's surprising (to me) all over again how satisfying smaller amounts can be when your attention is on what you're doing. This feels like a good track.
Jay, condolences on your family's loss. I have nothing to offer from experience, but know that I am sending positive thoughts for your grief to ease.
Silver, what a bummer to suspect that your new car is doing the opposite of what you need! It would be easy to seek comfort in something tasty. It was an off day due to odd surprises ... Tomorrow is all new!
K- welcome aboard!
Dagmar, the power nap is a magnificent tool. Our designer must have anticipated our goofy, crazy lives.
I got in a good amount of exercise (legs) at home today. I'm very pleased about that.
Tiny goals: I'm doing fairly well today with only eating sitting down. There's room for improvement though.
Food. Tea will be sausage and mash, carrots, and purple sprouting broccoli (one of the loveliest vegetables known to humankind). I could have done without eating a hot cross bun this morning. (These are a traditional food for Good Friday so I don't understand why they are now sold all the year round. The one I ate was less bad than many commercial ones and bought because there were no saffron buns which are said to be good at this place.)
I have this kind of feeling that my tummy is smaller. It could be either less fat or better abs. At present, it's just a kind of feeling but I'll let you know if I become any more certain.
Quote:
Silverbirch's personal findings
5. Small amounts
I think I probably do best when I eat small amounts. And eat them slowly. It's usually sufficient food. It's definitely not too much which, as mandalinn has written elsewhere about too much Thanksgiving food, ends up hurting my stomach.
My newest finding is to take small mouthfuls. I do this automatically in some situations (important business ones, for example, or when I'm dreadfully unhappy) and I'm now trying to make that my normal behaviour. Small mouthfuls mean I can speak without my mouth full at mealtimes, it takes longer to finish the meal and perhaps I concentrate better on the food.
Birchie, can I say how much I love your personal findings? Your systematic way of going about this is moving me toward thinking that I ought to consider doing this also. If I don't write it here, I ought to journal it somewhere. I am glad you're not privately journaling yours, though, because a lot of them resonate with me. I read your posts & think: "Oh, yes, that's true of me, too. Why have I never articulated that or acted on it?"
We're terra incognita to ourselves sometimes, aren't we? But I can't know how to best care for myself unless I have some self-knowledge to act on. (Well, gathering the self-knowledge is one thing; then there's the acting part ....)
if I start feeling like eating.
(which is what next week will be all week). I'll try lying down in the bedroom (away from distractions) for 30 minutes instead.
So I am going to join your 5 or more down before I gain 80 pounds back! 
Looking forward to getting to know you. 
I need at least 7.5 hours a night and, in an ideal world, 8 hours. Without it, Things Start To UnRavel. I get bad-tempered and that's not very helpful. I eat more in the vain hope of getting enough energy to keep going. I can't function properly. My exercise habit falters. I start to make mistakes. My skin looks less beautiful. 
