Matt, thanks. The gym party was difficult to get through, because the crowd at this gym has never seen me at my fattest. They think that I can eat the way they can. They don't know I'm an impostor with a compromised metabolism & have to work harder than they do just to stay at the level I'm at, which is still not as light & muscular as they are.
Midwife, I wish I could send you a cannoli. (Which seems counterproductive to our purposes, doesn't it?) These were from Madonia Brothers on Arthur Avenue. When you go into the shop, the empty shells are sitting there waiting. They fill your cannoli up freshly while you wait at the counter. Because to the true connoisseur, they get a bit soggy if they sit there refrigerated & already filled. Google Madonia Brothers & you'll see the range of opinions on their cannoli. You do know that people have blood loyalty to different Italian bakeries around here, right? There are also partisans of Egidio's but some people say you get any pastry at Egidio's BUT cannoli.
I say this wholly with an anthropological interest (;-) because I haven't actually eaten one in a couple years. But I can wholeheartedly endorse Terranova Bakery on Arthur Ave. which has terrific whole wheat bread. You can eat extremely healthily on Arthur Ave. if you really want to. Really.
But I would not go near Arthur Ave. for the next two weeks, particularly the two fish markets, as they will be mobbed. It would be like going to Macy's on 34th Street on Black Friday. Insanity.
ETA: Saef has not a drop of Italian blood in her veins, but is almost completely surrounded by those who do.
saef, you are a machine - no cannolis in YEARS and successfully dodging treats at parties, WOW - but you are not an impostor just because you used to be fat!!!!!!!!!!!! I probably used such strong punctuation there because I feel that way about myself, too.
I am trying to find balance in my weekends. It's hard since everyone is going home for Christmas and there are loads of social events that involve food and drink. But there's always a reason and if there isn't one, I could come up with one in two seconds. I'm thinking it might be good to raise my target calories a bit, maybe aim for 1400-1600 instead of 1200-1400.
I can't fathom the idea of a gym party with cannoli. Then again, I can't wrap my head around the thought of my gym having a party, period. It must be because university gyms have such a transient population to begin with, and most of that population leaves for holidays.
Anyway, good job, everyone, on navigating the landmines. Only 2 more weeks until 2011! Then we can navigate the gym newbies and new years' resolution crowds, bless 'em.
I'm not a machine, really. Just someone who, years ago, succeeded at anorexia for over a year, then suddenly failed & became a binge eater. So my own iron will is also beginning to scare me a little.
But I understand myself much better than in those days, and I know why I'm doing this. Partly, anyway. I'm under a lot of pressure now, with a big end-of-the-year push at the office, including two separate special projects in addition to my usual day-to-day work; and Christmas gift-buying, watching the mailbox to make sure each gift arrives safely; and an impending visit from my mother. Always, when I feel out of control, I really, really crack down on controlling my eating.
The difference this year is, I'm still eating healthily at regular meals & snacks. Last night, I fled the gym & once home, warmed up broccoli rabe, roasted green beans & a chicken breast sauteed in apples & onions & a bit of apple cider. And retrieved a Jell-O sugarfree pudding cup chocolate mousse from the freezer. Just now, at my desk, I finished a navel orange & a handful of pecans.
If I'm calm today, and work hard on my laptop, I'm rewarding myself with a walk to the local movie house to see "Black Swan" tonight.
Which means I must sign off now, because 3FC is dangerous if you're on your laptop & resolving to focus closely on office work for a productive hour or two. (I'm sure more than one of you knows exactly what I mean by that.)
Oh, and I forgot to post this. I'm up 1.6 pounds from last Friday, in spite of all the things that I did NOT eat. But I'm certain that it's because I got my period sometime during the night, so I'm not unduly troubled by the scale reading.
And I'm working from home on my laptop, trying not to nod off from lack of sleep, and listening for the buzzer to ring to let me know that packages have been delivered. They're last-minute gifts for my mother, the woman who wants nothing, but who would be terribly reproachful if she actually got nothing. The woman who's on her way to my apartment, that unclean place whose sticky refrigerator door handle has been known to provoke her into saying things like, "Why are you like this?" and "Sometimes, I can't believe you're my daughter." (Excuse me while I leave my laptop to go spray & wipe the fridge.)
There. Anyway, I got up for 6 AM spin class today, feeling half-insane while walking to the gym in the dark, with a tape loop of undone tasks running through my head.
Thank goodness this will be over in a couple days.
Saef - you are welcome here any time. There's always a lot to be done, for now and next year. The wood delivery was cancelled today: their diesel is frozen and they are snowed in; we are iced in.
Thank you for showing me how you do it, blow by blow. I've been copying some of your moves and those of others here to piece together my own Operation 5-10 dance routine. Step, step, twirl, twirl, no thank you, no thank you. Plie, plie, walk on by.
Snowed in.
