Hi All,
I'm not a new member of 3FC, but to be honest, I only register initially so that I could view the Before and After pictures of those who are already successful.
Now I'm delurking myself so that I could ask for support for my co-members here, because I feel like I didn't get it anywhere...
Here is my story:
I'm 29,about above 4 feet and weight 152 pounds. I was thin in my childhood and started to get fat when mother left me to work abroad when I was in elementary school. I got really sad, because at a young age I was forced to take care of myself (I lived with my grandparents house and my father is alcoholic). I turn to food when I feel alone. I gained trust issues, and was bullied at school. I still try my best on my studies though because I want to help my mother when I grow up, so I gained honors from Elementary until College.
Fast forward,I landed on a job where people are not very nice. My coworkers call me fat often, then when I can't take it anymore, I tell it to my team lead and manager,My manager talk to the team that bullying is not allowed in the office. My team lead betray me and tell my coworkers about it. She was bullied too, and it's her way to get out of that zone. My team gets really mad and bully me more,most of the time I was alone eating lunch. Then this guy from the office notice what is happening and invite me to join him and his friends.
We became really close, and sooner I found myself liking him. He became my inspiration so I joined a gym and was able to lose 15 pounds in the process.
Then he transferred to another company soon after. We have a communication but it became lesser and lesser. Then soon I found him dating a couple of sexy women. It made me depressed and I gained all the pounds I just lose. My coworkers doesnt bully me anymore, and I was able to be in the group once more, It's just that we always eat outside. I'm terrified that they will bully me again, so I just joined them.They became nicer anyway, but I really find it hard to trust them once more.
Now I don't have any motivation right now. I used to have a goal, and that goal is to be the person deserving for this guy, but I'm at lost right now. I feel like I'm running out of time, most of my friends are married,and I felt like I wasted my 3 years on this guy who only treats me as his friend.(It's not his fault that I fell for him, but it still hurt
. I remove all my communications to him so that I could move on - but deep inside me there is always that hope that one day he will tell me he likes me. (He did not know that I like him) ) .
I can't quit my job because I'm now the breadwinner of the family..I have no goal in life, and I feel like even if I die in my sleep I would not mind (I'm scared of killing myself). I have no energy to date any other men, because I feel like they will reject me because of my body.I am having self-pity, yet I embrace the world everyday with smile because that is what I have to do.You know the quote: What's worse about being strong is that no one ever asks if you're ok. I just wish I had a goal to begin with. To have someone would support me..
Sorry for the long story.. I would appreciate any advise from you guys..
Forever Fat - Goal Needed
