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Old 05-07-2012, 09:54 PM   #1  
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Default In Tears and desperate

I know its not such a good title but its honest. Tears are running down my cheaks as I write this..and I feel like your forum is my last hope...Perhaps with people in the same boat, I will get the understanding and support I need to help me to help myself.....

I am obese, obviously or I wouldnt be here. Morbidly obese, if I am to be honest, (which I have to be or nothing is going to work and I am never going to change...if I cant be honest). My weight I dont know, I havent weighed in years and I havent had a photo taken of me in years. But last time I weighed I was well over 200lbs and I suspect I am nearly double that now.

I dont know whether to tell my story now, or just the facts, so for now I will keep it short. As I have said I am morbidly obese....I have COPD, lung disease from too many years of smoking ( gone from 60 a day to smoke free for the last 5 months)....I have out of control diabetes...I am in bed with a ruptured disc..high blood pressure..high cholesterol..and heavens only knows what else.....

What bought me here to you is slightly longer ..please bare with me. A year back a good friend told me, when she learned I could barely walk, due to breathing difficulties, that she would like to take me on a holiday, if I gave up smoking... I smiled and thanked her and said I would try..(it was a lie..I didnt think it even possible to do it...I had been smoking since my teens). I am now old... But five months ago I put out my last cigarette..and had completely forgotten her offer.

Two weeks ago my dear friend arrived at my door..and her first words were, "I hope you are going to get rid of those cigarettes...I have the money for the trip and started the process....here is where we are going..."

She dropped a magazine on the bed with pages marked. I looked at her in shock and then at the book. I am in Australia and the trip was 27 days Canada, Alaska tour...part by coach, part by plane, part by ship. I will go into more detail another day perhaps. Needless to say I was floored...totally floored..I had never been anywhere in my life...I told her I had quit and when and she was over the moon. I was so happy ...so ecstatic...so scared...that for a few days it didnt sink in...it was too overwhelming for me...

Finally realising the trip was in May next year...I descided that I should have a read about travel on plane and what I would need baggage wise, medication wise etc. So I hit Google and...I am so sorry I did....

The first thing that hit me in the face was newspaper articles on the web about an airline who had been court ordered to give an extra seat free to obese passangers...calling them disabled. Then came a story, written none too nicely about a poor 'normal size' person ..forced to stand on a 7 hour flight while a ...while a ( the name given ..varied from fat to obese, depending on the news paper, and some of the in between names used I wont even say...it was horrible), person sat the whole trip. Then came the comments from the public..and all of them were disgusting...things like ........."disgusting fat pig"...."smelly sweaty, fat people who take up half your seat"....I cant go on.....I was sobbing as I read them...

A few days later I thought I would look and see what the planes were like seat wise..on the inside. I was thinking there may be a way I could deal with the weight issue on a plane by seat placement... or buy extra ticket(which I cant afford)...or not go at all....

I stumbled on youtube..and omg it was worse than the newspapers and the comments...people had videos of obese people on the planes and horrible comments...nasty taunts...ugly statements...and a lot saying that obese people shouldnt even be allowed on planes and if they took care of themselves and stopped "shovelling food in their fat faces and got up and did some exercise they wouldnt be like it." and a heck of a lot worse comments.

I also saw storys of how people even mildly obese had been removed from full flights and told to take the next one...I felt mortified.

What had started out as a dream of a lifetime...ended up for me, being a nightmare...I dreamt about the taunts...the uglyness of humanity....I still cry thinking about the things "normal" people were saying....

Then yesterday I stumbled across this site and sat reading and realised I needed people...positive people around me...I need to lose weight...I need to get healthy...not for those "normal" people..not even for the plane trip....but for me...for my grandchildren...so.........here I am....thank you for caring enought to read..and forgive the 'tone' of this post..I can be upbeat....but this has floored me.

HUGS
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:03 PM   #2  
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Cuddlebug... love the name... and many of us here know how you feel

first off let me say ABSOLUTELY CONGRATS of quitting smoking that is a HUGE accomplishment... I know for a fact how hard that is ...

you have time I think you said you hd about a year ... so much can happen in a year... before you completly freak your self out and get unpsyched for the trip... take a deep breath ... close your eyes and relax for a moment...

now that you have a clear mind you can think about the fact that you have a clear motivation which is more than some do... you took the first step and reached out for help and support.. again WOOHOOO...

now just take another small step....

and another....

you CAN make a difference in your life..
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:06 PM   #3  
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Cuddlebug:

HUGE congrats to you for quitting smoking. 60 a day to clean for 5 months is an amazing accomplishment, and you should be so proud of yourself. I'm so happy for you that your friend came through... what an absolutely wonderful opportunity!

That being said - WELCOME to the forums! This is a wonderful place to be, and you will find so many wonderful and encouraging people who are all embarking on the same journey as you - so congratulations on taking the first step and reaching out for support.

You have a year - and you can work wonders in that amount of time. Please don't let the rude comments people make under the guise of anonymity bother you. It's pretty incredible how people can act when they think they're just typing words on a page. You're doing this for YOU and YOUR health and that's what matters. Have you decided on a plan yet? Remember to just take ONE STEP at a time and to not be overwhelmed... you can and will do this and I can't wait to see you post your successes as you achieve them!
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:14 PM   #4  
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MidwestMom,

Thank you for your reply, I feel like your post has given me my first breath of air....if that makes any sense...I was even scared to post here, even reading how supportive everyone is....thank you for your kindness..

Yes this feels like my first step...perhaps to a healthier life....knowing kind people like you are there to help me if I might stumble...

Yes I am so lucky to be given such an amazing goal...although at the moment I am still wondering if I will be able to go...but with help and support I feel more confident....

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your kindness, motivation and hopefully friendship in this forum

Hugs from Cuddlebug.
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:16 PM   #5  
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Welcome Cuddlebug and good luck. Congratulations on quitting smoking that is a great accomplishmnt. You have a year before the trip. If you get started right now and lose 2 pounds a week in a year you will have lost over 100 pounds. Read around through the posts esepecially those who have reached goal, many have lost more than 100 pounds in a year. Ir varies by person to person of course but you won't know what you can do until you start.

Last edited by bargoo; 05-07-2012 at 10:18 PM.
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:20 PM   #6  
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Bobbles,

I feel overwhelmed, already I am being made to feel at home....a sanctuary, where I can be me...somewhere to feel that people care and the world isnt as cruel as it seemed.

The tears have turned to tears of joy....from the welcomes I have recieved already...and the understanding...

I havent made a plan yet...reaching out was all I could think to do...I dont know where or how to go from here...I will read and perhaps learn on this forum...there are so many inspiring storys and people here..from what I have read so far.

Thank you and huge Huggle from Cuddlebug
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:21 PM   #7  
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Hi cuddlebug!!!

CONGRATS on quitting smoking, I absolutely envy you for your willpower.

I know you have come to the right place, there is no judgement here, nor is there any negativity unless we are simply venting.

Please feel free to let me know if you ever need a buddy to talk, or simply to vent. I'm here for you.

& Congrats on taking this major step in your life. You can do it!
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:22 PM   #8  
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Just wanted to say welcome and best on your journey. When I started, I read success story after success story after success story... really helped me to feel it was possible.

Best on your journey!
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:33 PM   #9  
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Bargoo, Caramelkitty and fyrefllie24,

Thank you for your replies to me..each and every one of you. My heart is beating like a drum...in a good way...so many care...so much positive advise...and so much friendship.

Bargoo, thank you so much I think you have given me my first goal two pounds a week.....gosh I hope I can do it hugs huge

Caramelkitty, thank you for all your wonderful words and motivation..I would adore if I could be your friend..and have your help along the way ...this is a trip I think, best shared with friends.. huge hugs

fyreflie24, thank you so much for your kind welcome and your advice..yes I think I need to read as many motivational storys and I can...and take advice from kind people like yourself thank you ..hugs huge
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:34 PM   #10  
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Hi Cuddlebug
I am new too. Don't let people discourage you or rob you of your joy. It doesn't matter if your skinny or fat, there are people who will always be mean. It doesn't matter where you go in life. That is life. But it is up to us on how we respond to people like that. Usually people who criticise others do it to lift their own self esteem. People like that are so insecure about themselves that it actually makes them feel better to put others down. It makes them feel powerful in some way, giving them a false sense of security. Anyway, you can lose the weight! Don't give up. Start changing your mind on how you think. When you start to say to yourself 'I suck or I am fat and will never lose weight' etc. Catch yourself there and reject those thoughts. I have actually argued with myself. I'll start working out and want to stop after five minutes because my mind is doing a number on me. I will start thinking 'I am no good' or 'Why even bother' I argue back with 'Your wrong, I am good.' or 'God doesn't make junk' or 'if this person can do it so can i'

An amazing true story Chantel Hobbs who was over 350 lbs.
My gosh you should look at the before and after pics. Amazing story!
Check out her website. she also has a book on losing weight.
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:37 PM   #11  
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Oh and congrats on quiting smoking!! I too quit! after almost 18 years I have been smoke free a year and half.
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:38 PM   #12  
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You need to realize that you ARE a normal person. You can't single yourself out, feel like an alien, give up hope because you're different than others and can't lose the weight.. just like every single one of us here, you're perfectly capable of overcoming anything you wish to overcome, look at smoking for an example! Please dont put yourself down, you should be proud you've managed 5 months, some of the strongest people I know can't even go a day. You clearly have strength in you, and you need to realize just how alike you are to everyone else, and your capabilities.

Being morbidly obese isn't just a little extra weight, it's a disorder and you can't wake up one day and say "i'm going to diet and exercise every day and be thin!" It's a multistep process but I promise you'll get there if you try. Start with tiny and gradual steps. Cut out fried foods and soda first. Take a 20 minute walk. See how you do. You'd be surprised what a difference that could make!
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:59 PM   #13  
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Welcome. I have found this site to be invaluable as I have been on this journey. The posters are always supportive, whether you have achieved a goal or whether you have had a setback.

One year is a very long time. You can do amazing things in a year. Not saying it will be easy, because it won't, but you can do it if you try hard. I just completed week #42 and I have lost 108 pounds. And I havent been perfect, either...I have fallen off the wagon a couple of times...but instead of giving up, I have gotten right back to my plan.

Just focus on getting healthy. Make a one-year commitment to to losing weight, exercising (if you are up to it), and just getting as healthy as possible. I don't know your starting weight, but I would imagine that if you lose 100 pounds, you will fit in an airplane seat ok. Ask for an aisle seat and have your friend sit in the middle seat so no stranger will sit next to you. Just in case, try to set aside a little money each week, and if you don't quite make it to "airline size," you will have enough $$$ saved up to buy the seat next to you. Or save up for first class and treat yourself!

Travel is wonderful. I was still in the high 200's probably when I went to Italy and Central America last year, and didn't let the potential negative comments or seat size bother me. I have never been kicked off a plane because of my size. Just stay away from Southwest, that fat people hating company

Good luck. I know you can do it.
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Old 05-07-2012, 11:01 PM   #14  
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LadyBrat and Luckystreak,

Kind words and so wise, thank you both so much. From not knowing how to start or what to do, I now have some clearly defined thoughts. Thanks to you and all the replies and support already given by so many.

LadyBrat,
Thank you, yes, I felt personally hurt and even attacked by those cruel people, but you are right, I allowed myself to be..I have to start seeing myself differently. I have read your words carefully and I have to start this journey in my own mind...I must try to see myself as worthwhile. I will read the story you mentioned and have a look at the photos. I hope your jouney here will be fruitful and you will achieve the goals you set for yourself...I feel so much better knowing that I have people like you by my side in this journey...I hope I can help you when you need someone to help you ...Your words have inpacked on me in ways you will never know ..Thank you so much HUGE HUGs.

luckystreak,

My friend, I call you this even though I do not know you as yet, because you have held out a hand in friendship to me as everyone here has, without judgement, by way of your amazing advice. Again, I have been given small goals to help me begin....What seemed so enormous a task, even setting goals is starting to unravel and make sense...breaking it up..."cut out soda" "walk 20 minutes a day" and "cut out fries." ...such simple steps, but I was so bogged down in what seemed and enormous task, I couldnt see how to start...thank you for your wisdom...and my mindset...yes..it seems to be the one thing all agree on...and I must stop seeing myself as "different" . I am a human being and this is for my health...not what anyone else thinks of me..thank you thank you HUGE HUGS

Thank all of your for your wisdom and help..every one who has posted for me....to me...and extended the hand of friendship and support with your words of encouragement...
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Old 05-07-2012, 11:12 PM   #15  
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KittyKatFan,

Thank you for the words of encouragement.... I hope I can be as strong as you...and noted....stay clear of that airline

I hope I can follow you in your weightloss journey. Yes seat size has been worrying me so much. Thank you for telling me how it was for you..and yes that sounds like an amazing plan...I will put away a little each week ..incase I need to purchase an extra seat...aisle seat also sounds good...I need at my age to frequently use the ladies room too and not having to disturb others would be a good thing...I have had terrible pictures in my head of having to get past some poor passanger sitting next to me every hour or two...to hobble to the ladies room. Sitting next to my friend is also a good idea ..she has known me all my life and doesnt worry about "sharing" part of her seat if it comes to that.

I hope one day you will tell me of your travels to Italy and Central America...and also how you delt with size related issues if there were any. HUGE HUGE HUGS and thank you )
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