I'm new here, obviously . My name is Stephanie, and I'm a college student(though I'm a bit old to be in college since I'm a bit behind!)
I've been big since middle school, started emotional eating and dealt with issues such as depression and anxiety. I went to private schools for middle and high school which were full rich snobby brats who inherited everything and never had to work hard. I was not the only fat chick, but I was the one who got the full blown force of bullying, mainly because I'm outspoken, and eccentric, but also because of my looks as I also have strabismus .
I was called all the names in the book and once told that dating me would be "bestiality", I was hated too. But eh that was high school, and I'm not the first nor the last(sadly) to have been bullied. I remember once I wanted to join the cross country team, buuut I didn't exactly get myself in shape like I should have. Well, the first practice meetup was a horror, I of course, was horribly out of shape and the last, and this one girl kept staring at my thunder thighs while everyone was in a circle.(as if we don't notice when you stare dumb people) When I finally caught up to everyone (they were all sitting down stretching), the girls all went "awwwwww" when they saw me, that triggered it, I can not STAND to be pitied. So I ran off cried and went home. I wont even get started on PE class. Okay well I will, I hated it obviously, well during the presidential fitness test we had to run a mile. You can imagine how that went, and in the locker room afterwards(I always changed in the shower), I hear the girls talking about me saying "her face was purple!"
College was a breath of fresh air, having hated every moment of high school I blossomed in college, made more friends than I ever had. I still had issues and oh I forgot to tell you, during one summer of highschool I discovered I could eat as much as I wanted without it going onto my thighs...and my freshman year of college I overcame it a bit, until I came back home from college during Christmas. I had lost maybe 20 lbs from eating better and exercising. But my family would NOT shut up about it. I had overeaten some noodles and it bothered me that they were obsessing over my weight and appearance, and so to not upset them by gaining weight from the noodles I went into the bathroom right then and there and puked up the noodles. They never knew. I could do it silently. Some of my guy friends at my old college my first year use to compare me to Asian girls. Yeah...
Well needless to say I put on weight again, after coming back home. And I dealt with my depression issue more so. Also my anxiety attacks turned into insomnia when I hit my 20's and that screwed me over so bad. I would be awake for three days straight, miserable would just stay in bed all day, not able to sleep. I still have sleep issues and I went on trazodone but I'm getting use to it and have to increase the dose. I'm on citlopram for anxiety and when I take it I can sometimes have a normal sleep cycle. Anyways, I have issues with my dad. He is impatient and has anger issues and is/was what I consider emotionally abusive. My mom disagrees. I never liked my dad as a kid, I hated it when he touched me(hugs ect..) I hate the sound of his voice, the way he smelled looked everything repulsed me. I'm still that way. Anyways because of that I have issues. From my family's bad eating habits and out of a way to cope with my poor self esteem I went to food. I literally obsess over food. I was not aware of this til recently when I noticed that in class I can't wait to get out to go eat. I even want to fall asleep faster so I can wake up and eat breakfast! I think about what I'm going to eat or make 24/7. I literally love being comfortable eating and watching a movie. And when the food is gone so is that happy feeling.
I hate exercise because it is painful. This is something I need to overcome. So so many times I have made a list of things I need to do and rules...but I never follow them..ever. So I joined here..to get some support and to meet some people who can help? All my friends are skinny..like size 2 skinny...and I'm a 12/14. I want to get down to a four. My ideal weight is 120. If I could get smaller I'd love that, but 120 would be a good one. I'm 5 3'' and I don't think I am "big boned" I do have thick ankles though..which I hate.. I think if I lost the weight, made a lifestyle change then I could be pretty small. Weird thing is I do not feel as fat as I really am. Most of the time I picture myself mentally as small...but when I look in the mirror I know I am not. I dress for my size, don't show my arms never wear too tight or too small clothes, but I feel like inside I identify as skinny even though I'm not and haven't been skinny since I was a kid.
Anyways, I am glad I found this place and would love to hear other people's stories and meet some people and get some support and support others!
I hope the color is readable!!
I think that you'll find many people here who can relate to issues you have and experiences you've been through. There are also specific support forums (20-somethings, Depression, etc) that you're welcome to join to give and receive support.
STEPHANIE ~ you can make your color type brighter by clicking on the B symbol in the post box before the color selection next time ...
This is a great place to come for support, friends, info, challenges, plans, ideas, and tips -- just jump right in wherever you feel comfortable, and have fun ...
Hello!~ Depressed and an emotional eater!
. My name is Stephanie, and I'm a college student(though I'm a bit old to be in college since I'm a bit behind!)
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STEPHANIE ~ you can make your color type brighter by clicking on the B symbol in the post box before the color selection next time ... 
