Wow Beck, you have lost sooo much weight! AMAZING! You have 6 children? You are truly inspirational. Yes, i was raised by a single mother also and never wanted that for myself, but...smh...here I am. Anyway, thanks for the kind words. I, too, am praying i can find some support here on 3FC. It really is my last hope.
Thanks

Oh Bargoo,
If you only knew...I have been trying to acquire child support, but he refuses to pay. He put me and our unborn child in a few veeeery bad situations while I was pregnant. It ended with him leaving me pregnant and on the street with all of my things and all of the baby's things that I HAD GOTTEN. He then blocked me from all his social networks and changed his number. Anyway, he keeps gigs where he is paid cash so that it cannot be traced by the courts. To the courts he is poor. The reason these guys can be deadbeat dads is because family courts do Not enforce that they take parental responsibility. My child is now 11months and I have not heard from his father since I was pregnant...despite dozens of attempts.

Thanks Tiwiwas! I would love to learn more about the program you are on...

Thank you Sonia...
I appreciate the support here. I need it!

JessLess,

Your post almost made me cry. You made my weight sound like just a thing, like no big deal and I appreciate that so much. You are so right. I am more than my weight and I DO need to look into those suggestions that you have mentioned because I have horrible self esteem. I was told so many nasty things...I am told that I am not beautiful because of my skin color, my body, etc...I am here because I am tired of society making ppl like me hate themselves.

Thank you Amarantha,

I am the worst at self talk. I tell myself HORRIBLE things about my appearance. I hear it from others or know they think it and just beat myself up so badly. It's hard not to when the reason your partner leaves you is because he doesnt find you socially acceptable. I will try to stop self-loathing...It's hard. That is why I am here...

Thanks a lot MystyBlue!

My son's father will not pay child support...I have tried. Smh...
Stairs are very hard because of my tilted pelvis from the pregnancy, as is walking. I will definitely keep a closer track of what I eat and try to get some sort of exercise in...I dont know how but I will.
Cyber Hugs are very important, so thanks. I need this forum. I was telling the other ladies, it's very hard when society tells me everywhere that I am ugly because I am black and fat. Coincidentally, my sons father abandoned me for those same two reasons. I will NEVER be a white woman. And so to many, I will never be pretty. But, i do hope to at least get my body and mind in shape.

DezziePS! I love your spunky post!
Thanks...
Walking in place is a great idea. And yes, i think calorie counting may be the best idea for me. I am certain I exceed 1500 every day. My son tilted my pelvis so most exercise is out of the question until i get my surgeries....that wont be until God knows when. I am definitely still getting over the damage my ex has done. I spoke with an attorney....nothing they can do. He is a sneaky little slithering creature and won't pay. Courts do not enforce the laws for these men to help with their children, so I am on my own. Any way, maybe I can start with 1800 calories since I still breastfeed....

I'm glad that my comment resonated with you. There is a book called Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance by Rosie Molinary that has exercises to help build self-esteem. I recommend it.

This is not an option for him. How he gets money is beside the point, the court will order him to pay and if he doesn't he is in trouble. Go to legal aid if necessary, there is help for you. You need to think of the future, none of us know what lies ahead for us. I don't know about the state where you live but many states will see that he meets his financial responsibilities. Just noticed that you live in California, shouldn't be a problem getting him to pay, but go through the courts .He will not pay you directly but through the court system and they will pay you. I assure you they will know if he is not paying.

I second what Bargoo says about the child support. If you had an attorney tell you there's nothing they can do, you need a new attorney. They can and will set child support payments at WHAT HE SHOULD BE MAKING, not what it currently looks like he is making, and if he doesn't pay, they can suspend his driver's license or put him in jail. Even if he is not paying and they are not enforcing, you need to have that obligation to pay on him so that later, if he DOES get a job on the books, you can get your arrears.

So, i did some calorie counting for the previous days and my caloric intake ranges from 1,300 to 1,700...Scary, considering that Pre-pregnancy I ate HALF of what I eat nowadays. Of course, Not eating enough is just as bad as eating too much... And then there's considering whether the calories are empty or nutritious. But i am just happy i havent been gorging down tons of calories! lol

Yes I have been going through the system. They dont Make these "men" pay. Smh...Debtor's prison for non-payment of child support was abolished. Courts are just unrealistic. That's why you hear stories of women who get $15 a week and other pathetic amounts. It will just rack up and one day...maybe even 5 years down the line, hopefully my son will start to see some money coming in, because I want the best for him. ALL i do is think about the future...constantly.

Hi, I am new here too and also a single mom, it's not easy I know.
How old is your child? The first 2 years are very hard but I feel things are getting easier passed the 2 year mark, certainly the sleep deprivation improves!
I hope you keep posting, you sound a lovely woman xxx

[quote=CaliforniaSunshine;4121930]Yes I have been going through the system. They dont Make these "men" pay. Smh...Debtor's prison for non-payment of child support was abolished. Courts are just unrealistic. That's why you hear stories of women who get $15 a week and other pathetic amounts. It will just rack up and one day...maybe even 5 years down the line, hopefully my son will start to see some money coming in, because I want the best for him. ALL i do is think about the future...constantly.[/quote

If a man is ordered to pay child support and refuses to do so he can got to jail. You need to be proactive when he doesn't pay and let the District Attorney's office know. The county would much prefer that a father pay child support than have you go on welfare.
I feel the father of your child is giving you a load of crap. Follow up on this. Even if you were only awarded $1.00 a week that keeps it open and it can be increased as his income increases.
Don't let him intimidate you.