[BigJohn1979]

I'm a guy from Chicago, was always fat (I hate the term obese, sorry) back in my teens I was +300lbs, in my 20's I was upper 300lbs, now I am around 230 and just switched to a vegan diet to try to hit 190. I started this life change in September of the year of my 30'th birthday (I'm 32 now). I just hit a midlife crisis where I knew I was going to die alone and unloved, being that I gave up the suicidal thoughts in my early 20s I decided to lose my weight at all costs.

I'm here trying to figure out if I am ever going to be comfortable around or trust women period. It's hard for me, to trust women and what sucks for me because I dream of having a relationship with a woman who actually cares about me. See the problem is I am 32 and never been on a date, kissed a woman, or anything that normal people do in their teens. I really don't know what to do...

[rachaelm]

BigJohn - Wow, you have really worked hard to lose weight! Amazing job.

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I am a big proponent of counseling. I know others on this site have posted similar concerns regarding lack of previous dating experience. Most people's advice seems to be to work on your own self-esteem first, that people are more attracted to confidence. If you can't love yourself, no one else will either.

I'm glad you are here & I hope some wise person will give you some better advice.

[vanillasunshine]

[caramelkitty]

Great job so far!!!! You can do it! Hopefully this forum give you all the motivation you need to finish

[EagleRiverDee]

Big John-
Welcome to the forum! There have been two similar threads (re not having dated) from women on here recently. You might take a look because I bet some of the same advice applies to you! For what it's worth, while you might have a bit to lose now, no one (that I know, anyway) would call you fat and you should not let your weight affect your self-confidence with women. My husband is 6'3" and 230 and I think he looks great. I bet you look just fine. I also think, now that you're in your 30's, that you'll find women to be a lot less judgmental (if you're also dating women in their 30's) because as women get more mature they start valuing things like personality, honesty and a sense of humor and you'll find they aren't nearly as superficial as some women in their 20's are. Anyway, welcome to the forum, and good luck!