teaching by example
Sometimes starting over is even harder the second..or third..or fourth time.
Some basics on me
I am 28, I teach elementary school, I am single, I have a master's degree, I have great friends, and am in need of losing weight.
I have been here before, both at 3FC and the weight-loss game in general. Sometimes with success...sometimes less so...but I guess the point is that I keep trying.
I am 5'9" (5'10" if I am standing particularly straight) and everyone tells me that really helps "hide my weight." But let’s be honest....hiding 250 lbs is like hiding the proverbial elephant...or in this case the actual elephant.
I first struggled with my weight when I was 8 years old and a few boys pointed out that I was "fat." I distinctly remember my mother looking at me as I cried and telling me that I was exactly what I was supposed to be and that was beautiful...even at 8 I remember thinking she was full of crap. It wasn't that she didn't (doesn't) love me..she just didn't want to lie or tell an 8 year old she was fat...who can blame her? My entire immediate family is heavy and well.. that was just seen as normal.
Growing up was hard...some chubby kids are well adjusted (I was not one of them) and had few friends. I was all things the movies portray. The fat kid that was called names, picked last for teams, embarrassed to eat in front of my peers, set up for practical jokes...I had my few close friends (several who are still important in my life 20 years later.) I hated my weight and really could not figure out what to do about it.
I went off to college and my world started to change. I figured out how to care for myself. I started out freshman year at nearly 300 lbs. I slowly lost weight (my freshman 15 were in reverse!) The next few years were full of small fluctuations (never getting below 250) Until my senior year when I discovered diet pills, and crash diets. Needless to say in 3 months I lost 50 lbs, (hitting 201 but never breaking the 200) all my friends and a good bit of my sanity. It took nearly a year for me to get "right again"
I got a job teaching, moved back home and slowly the weight came back. By 2008 I was back up to 280 lbs. Then I finally wised up a bit. Figured out that I am the only one responsible for me. I have had ups and downs (really who hasn't) but despite being back up to 250 I am going to be proud of not getting back to 280 or 300...
So now once again I am recommitting----starting with this confessional.
My name is Mari....I over eat. I love food...all kinds. I eat in secret. I eat some food without thinking about its ingredients. I eat far more than I should. I have no sense of full...only stuffed. I can eat an entire full sized bag of m&ms and have...I have yet to find an exercise I don't find to be a chore...I hate to sweat...and often hate how I feel afterwards. I teach my students it is all about growing, learning from our mistakes, and doing things we don't always want to do...I guess it is time to lead by example....
My question is ....Who are you?
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