These expensive gym shoes have seen four separate "I'm fed up being fat" attempts at exercise. Something feels different this time and that's why I'm here.
I've been obese my whole life, but with a "thin face", so until I became uncomfortable in my own skin at 250 and 5'7", it was never an issue. My knees hurt, I can't cross my legs, my belly gets in the way of me bending forward... I'm just sick of it. I have next to no endurance, and with my dream trip overseas coming up in two months, I am kind of hoping to increase my endurance for walking even just a little bit in that time.
My body image, overall, is good. I have "fat days" in which it seems like nothing, nothing at all in my closer makes me look good and I'll opt to stay in and mope instead; most of the time, though, I feel sexy and attractive. I have an awesome spouse who loves my body and loves me. I have male admirers. I have a great job and a great life. Things, emotionally, feel good.
I think that's why things feel different this time; I'm losing weight so I feel better and physically work better, and with a purpose in mind (to be able to enjoy my dream trip to the fullest extent), rather than to 'get thin'. I have almost 100 lbs. to lose if I were to reach "normal" on the BMI and at this point, don't know if I'll ever even get that low. But I need to make some kind of lifestyle change if I want to feel good in my own skin again. I've never lost weight before--ever--so even losing 20 pounds, which still puts me at obese and would still catch doctors' lectures--will be a huge milestone for me.
For the past two days, I've thrown myself at the gym after work and went a full 30 minutes on the bike (low/medium resistance--which must be better than nothing, as it's enough to get my sports bra, um, fully disgusting sweaty) and 15 minutes walking on the treadmill. After college graduation, I went from walking everywhere to a completely sedentary desk job with mind-numbingly annoying colleagues. This sitting still and exasperation was enough to make going to the gym feel like I was sweating out the horrible of the day. We'll see if I can stick with it; I usually get into two-day-on/two-day-off phases of "Do I care this much about my weight to get this? Yes *sob sob sob* Okay, that's better, now hand over the Ben & Jerry's". I want this to stick for once.
I just need to stick with it this time. And even if nobody reads this forum post, knowing that it's here may help in keeping me on task.
And I do have questions. What's enough exercise for me? I don't want to be a body builder. I just want to lose 5 or 10 pounds to prove that I'm capable of dropping them; I know in my heart that it'll kickstart something in me to keep going. I have no confidence right now and I'm far too shy to ask for help, after having been lectured for so long about my health.
