Hi,
I'm here because I am trying to lose weight without relapsing into old eating disordered patterns. When I started dieting again, which was about 3 weeks ago now? I weight 280. I have gained 65 pounds due to a misdiagnosis of bipolar disorder and all the meds they put me on, and then I had brain surgery this last fall due to a congenital condition they just found out about, and I have an associated spinal cord disease that I am working on figuring out through the pain clinic here in town. And I am only 31!
So, anyway, I have lost 9 pounds. Which I never thought I could because weight loss has been super hard with this med weight. But as I have been losing weight, I have found that really negative, disordered eating disorder thoughts cropping in, like maybe I shouldn't eat at all, or I should skip meals, or I should only eat this food all day, etc etc. Eating disorders aren't cured, they just go in remission, and dieting is a huge trigger. My goal is to be 240 pounds, because realistically, I don't feel safe in a body under 200 pounds, and 240 is maintainable. Which is just what I need. Something maintanable, healthier than where I am at now, and a body that allows me to shop at Old Navy for pants!!
So that's why I am here. Because dieting is scary for me in a really different way because I face relapse into bulimiarexia and binge eating, but I think I am old enough and honest enough to try to work on these issues and lose weight. I hope this is the right place for me!
New/DIeting is scary
