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Old 08-08-2007, 04:25 PM   #1  
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swtkaylasmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: florida
Posts: 10

S/C/G: 185

Height: 5'0

Red face 1st post ~ Looking for hope

Hi my name is Michelle. I am 27 years old, a wife and mother of 2 ages 5 and 2. I've fought my weight my whole life. In highschool i finally got it under control when i joined a dance team and worked hard at it. when i graduated I weighed 112 lbs. I look at pictures of myself then and laugh that i actually thought I was fat. I obviously didn't know what it felt like to be 200 lbs.

I've gotten on and off the weight loss train many times in the last 10 years. This last christmas I hit my heaviest at somewhere between 190 and 200lbs. I was too afraid to find out. As soon as christmas was over i began trying to eat healthier. smaller portions and lots of salad. Then on January 4th I started weight watchers with my mom. To me she was never overweight she really just went to support me. It only depressed me more as she dropped lbs like dropping a bowling ball all while not exercising and eating mcdonalds and hit goal in no time while I struggled to lose weight. I started at 185 lbs. I worked my butt off and counted every point and cried my way home from every meeting with minimul weight loss and the thought that I was going to spend the week eating even more unsatisfactory meals. I spent most of my time eating alone because the rest of my family wasn't trying to lose weight so watching them eat and smelling what they were eating was only a tease. After 6 months I finally lost 22 lbs but still envious of the woman in my group that lost 44 in 12 weeks. I'm thinking how the **** can that be? I recently stopped going to the meetings because the $12 a week was needed more for diapers and such. Money is always tight and usually something I do for me goes first. I didn't mind so much. I figured I had the "tools" and I would continue using them on my own. Only I was at a point that my daily points were 23 a day. Not a whole lot. I've already nixed my favorite foods and replaced them with healthier alternatives and now my healthy alternatives were too much too. And I still go to bed hungry.

Since I've left weight watchers I've gone from 162 to 170. I'm always depressed because I can't always afford the foods that are better for me. There have been times that just to make sure there's food for the kids I'm eating toast for breakfast lunch and dinner. I'm hoping that changes. My husband started a new job that gives us more hope financially. And i plan on becoming a regular again at the farmers market. But i'm still batteling the 23 points a day. I still feel hopeless. I do a little weight training and some cardio. and i make sure to do 50 sit ups and 50 push ups every night befor i get in bed. thats on top of yard work and endless laundry and other mom duties that leave me exhausted. But the scale keeps creeping up. I'm just really tired of fighting it.

so thats my story. and now i'm crying. can't help it. I feel like a failure. but i don't want to give up. I have my highschool reunion next month i want to feel better about myself when i go. I want to be healthy. and i want to control food not have my food control me. so here i am. I'm hoping to find some new hope here. I know i'm not the only one going through this.

~Michelle
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Old 08-08-2007, 05:18 PM   #2  
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: South Yorkshire, UK
Posts: 812

S/C/G: 290/170/170

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I've only just joined today and also have a lifetime of fighting with my weight only I can't say I've ever been less than 150lb as an adult. I can sympathize as when I diet I do try my darnest to stick to it, often with not very encouraging results. It feels so demoralising and people often don't believe you are not cheating. I hope you find the support you need here and feel better soon

Kitty
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