| JackieGee |
11-13-2014 12:08 PM |
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldilocksinct
(Post 5091802)
I have not read this whole thread, but enough to know that this is exactly how I feel. I lost nearly 110 pounds with IP and was almost to goal (most friends and family thought I was at goal and wanted me to stop). I needed a break and phased off properly, with the help of my coach. I slowly crept up, but nothing like the last couple of months when some very hard times when I have been hit with serious health problems of my family, me being the caretaker. THEN my husband and I went on a cruise, just returning Sunday. It was ridiculous that I ate everything that was't nailed down. I am a small framed person who can gain at an alarming rate.
I am back on IP as of Tuesday, and my official weigh-in that day on our doctor's scale we have (I am doing it on my own and not at the clinic with alternatives and a couple favorite IP products from eBay) showed all told I gained back close to 40 pounds. :( Which means I am still more than 70 pounds less than when I initially started, so why do I feel heavier than I was then?? I donated so many clothes and I was down to Mediums mostly and size 10-12 in pants, and I can wear the 12s and all the 14s I still can find, but they obviously don't look good (and some need zipping up as I lay on my back on the bed :lol: ), and I wear the loosest tops I can find. But when I look at myself, I think I am at size 22 or 24. I did have a few things I found that were larger sizes in a closet and they are way too big on me, but I think my psyche is all screwed up right now.
I am bound and determined to get over my shame at this whole thing and get back to feeling better physically and psychologically. I have my favorite veggies prepared, and have no problem getting back into the IP eating. I had a bad headache for Day 2 and 3, but that is gone, so I hope I am into ketosis and can cook along. I know the losses won't be like the first time, but I am determined.
Thanks for anyone who read all of that. :) I appreciate this forum, and love seeing some of the people here I have admired in the past, such as Scorbett and Lisa here.
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Your comments about your wacky thinking (okay I know you didn't say wacky) really hit home with me. As the risk of sounding really really stoopid, I've been having some wacky thoughts and I think they are causing me to struggle and feel like just having a big honking muffin.
Last night I measured myself for the first time and the numbers shocked me. I feel like I've been losing - okay I know I've been losing - and fitting into smaller clothes and getting good comments, but those numbers seemed so BIG! I mean 39 inch waist. I would have thought it would be less by now. I'm a big SquarePants - a big rectangle.
And then I started poking my fat and feeling the bones not that far underneath and starting thinking that perhaps I won't lose anymore. Okay and then this is where I got really really stoopid. I started wondering where the fat would go? How would my inches go down? Perhaps they can't go down much more and I'll always be big and rectangular. Where would my stomach and boobs go? Would I just become like a deflated balloon?
My coach has a big plastic fat thing to show how much you actually lose when you lose 5 pounds and she showed it to me the other day and said I had lost five of those. I can't even understand that. Where did it go and how could I have had those five big fat things on me?
I am at the point where anything I lose now will take me to lower than I've been since the mid-1970s. I can't even imagine what I will look like because in 1979 - when I weighed more than I weigh now - I had a breast reductin and in 2008 I had both knees replaced with new ones that weigh 3 to 5 pounds more. So for me, any number on the scale from here on out is going to be a totally new experience and I'm having trouble imagining it and believing that it's possible.
That may be why I'm struggling right now not to give up. That and the fact that I lost only .4 lbs last week.
Does anyone else ever have those really stoopid thoughts?
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