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handling the naysayers? ADVICE NEEDED!
Hi All, so people have really started to notice my weight loss.(I lost 7 lbs in September before starting IP on 10/1) Because of a crazy, crazy month I haven't gotten to WI a lot but today I have another WI and according to my scale it should put me past the 15lb weight loss for the month. I'm into the program BIG TIME and happy. So now I have all of these comments from people - "you re losing weight too quickly" :you'll never keep it off" you cant stay on this much longer" "u're hurting your body" Unfortunately (or as I see it, Fortunately) Im very Irish and just want to smack em!
I just say "oh well" and walk away or continue to eat. Ive started going to my office to eat becuz I don't want to hear all of the comments. just let me eat my healthy veggies in peace! I'm not forcing my lifestyle on you, don't force your cupcake on me! Anyone with suggestions? I would appreciate it. I have a loooong way to go and I AM going to do this |
We had a great thread about this How do you deal with NOSY (sic) people
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I really haven't had any people give me negative feedback like you have. They do constantly ask me personal questions about my weight, goal, plans after losing, and critique of my food. I basically give very vague answers and if they are persistent, I change the subject abruptly. That has quieted people down.
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Originally Posted by maezy1: Geez, thanks friends for all your support! I've stopped responding... Been answering: we'll see. Hang in there! |
Originally Posted by EPAPRN: Edit #2: Fixed! LOL @ EPAPRN: You are the one who started the other thread! You didn't know where it was? |
Can't really help you on what you should say, sometimes I feel confrontational and say "how do you know that have you tried the diet?" usually people back down. The negative comments suck, I have had nothing but motivation from my co-workers, but my father on the other hand said to me, " your looking good but don't throw away your big cloths cause you know you will just gain it all back." Thanks Dad. We are also irish so the smacking was a close option. lol
We are here for your support when you need it as sometimes you just can't change others :) |
"it is medically supervised, I needed to lose weight" usually gets them to shut up :)
or if you're feeling snarky "and being overweight was good/healthy for my body?!?!" |
I'm lucky that there are a number of people at my hospital who have done the program, and kept the weight off for over a year. When someone has said "oh you'll gain it all back", I say 'really? Did Person A, B and C gain it back? They did the same program I'm on two years ago.". That usually shuts them up :)
But truly, for the most part people have been more curious than anything. They ask specifics about the diet, how I feel, etc. |
I'm not Irish, but I feel the need to smack some people on occasion as well! I tell people that question the program that my doc is very happy that I'm doing this program, & it is medically supervised. Have not had anyone say that I'll just gain it back, but if they did I think I would respond "Only time will tell."
My mom was horrified that I'm getting rid of all the too-big clothes, "just in case." I said if I leave myself a safety-net I won't work as hard to keep it off. (Weird, at times Mom seems to be one of my biggest supporters, then at others not so much. Just don't know what to expect from her anymore.) Honestly, I think for the people that continually critisize the program, I'd just tell them flat out..."thank you for your concern, but it's really none of your business, and until you have something positive to say I don't want to talk to you about this anymore." |
Originally Posted by maezy1: |
Oh yes. I want to smak a few people too. My whole world is full of naysayrs. I lost 5 lbs in my first week and was so excited I told my SIL. She had nothing nice to say. So I hung up on her.
:frypan: Can't wait to see the look on her face when I see her New Years Eve. I have no idea how much I'll lose, but I know I am going in the right direction. |
For the few comments I've had about it not being healthy, I say nothing could be as unhealthy as me weighing 375 pounds, and that shuts it down...
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Anyone with suggestions? I would appreciate it. I have a loooong way to go and I AM going to do this
__________________ I ask them the SAME exact question they ask me & it shuts them up everytime. A trick I got from Ann Landers years ago. I have been so " Pro Active " with my plan they know to BACK OFF. You really have to protect yourself & your emotions for the day . If they see me eating something I "shouldn't" they know not to say anything. I can be a VERY kind person but STAY OUT OF MY PLATE ! |
this is precisely why i did NOT tell anyone until recently!! i never posted on fb,. never told my friends, only my 3fc friends knew.
i continued to wear my same clothes and no one really noticed....until i hit 75 pounds and then my kids noticed but i just shrugged it off saying it was the clothes that made me look slimmer!! haha then last week i hit 96 pounds gone and finally posted on fb...and people can't argue with success. early in week 2 i was at my moms...and she scoffed at me when i made kale chips at her house and said oh lord what are you doing now....but she hasn't seen me since then, so when i see her at christmas it will be interesting to see what she says 85 pounds later!! (or maybe more) scoffers will do just that, scoff...whatever the reason, jealousy, or because you are succeeding and they aren't, or because seeing you get healthy reminds them they need to get healthy...whatever the reason...there will always be naysayers... just do what you know to do and let them scoff. when i slip on new clothes that fit...i get the last laugh and think, oooh scoffers....scoff away!!! you won't hinder me....i will do what i know i need to do for me!! i might have to get snarky....and IF someone says things like that to me...i will say, Oh really...and you know this how??? i really like what greeniris said though!! "thank you for your concern, but it's really none of your business, and until you have something positive to say I don't want to talk to you about this anymore." i think i will use that one!! much nicer than saying f off!! |
Rainbowsmiles.....ditto to all of above. Great attitude. I get that still AFTER I've lost 52+ lbs and have kept it off since April. Really? It's bad for me? Which part? Feeling amazing? Eating better than I ever have? Keeping my weight off? Enjoying exercise? Buying lots & lots of clothes? Yeah, that's gotta be it.
People are afraid of what they don't understand OR maybe they don't want to accept it about themselves.... |
....hard to implement in the moment...but really...remember it's jealousy.
It doesn't matter if they don't even have to lose weight, you are representing what they are having problems doing..."meeting a goal". They may have other goals in mind but can't seem to motivate themselves to do it. I had a lot of venting conversations with select people (other then on here) and have some quotes sitting on my desk under my computer screen. They said things that I needed to have available to remind me that they couldn't drag me down. My favorite: "the mighty lioness pays no heed to the barking of the jackals" When I had a particularly rough conversation with a man at work who said I looked horrible and sickly...my VIP said "awe hun, he misses the old you...he probably liked big girls"...which made me laugh. Needless to say if they come at you hard...pull them aside and speak to them. That will shut them up (as I did with the gent I just described). There is a lot of turn over where I work...the new people haven't a clue what I used to look like, they don't make ANY comments. It's the people who knew me before, so really it's their sh*t...they can't process what I was and what I am...not my fault. But when it's just a random comment....NEVER EVER let someone dull your shine! Chin up grasshoppah, eventually the new you will be the new normal and they will all stop. |
Originally Posted by Pamelama: i LOVE THAT I AM EATING BETTER THAN I EVER HAVE!! besides...our food industry has been brainwashing us for years and commercials are geared to MAKE US THINK WE WANT THIS OR THAT...when actually my body loves and craves good wholesome foods!! it does take some time....to get your brain to follow what your body tells you....because of all the influence on the shelves, tv commercials, restaurants, etc...but in the end...YOU BODY WILL THANK YOU!!! it does take some time for your TASTES AND DESIRES TO CHANGE!! it does take some time .... BUT I AM WORTH IT!!! |
Originally Posted by Ishbel: |
I posted on FB and of course here and part of the reasoning I had was to keep me accountable. A few days ago my wife and I were arguing and she said I'd gain it all back. I will not. I know what it felt like being that big and I'm never going back there. I doubt I will ever be skinny but I will be healthier and I know it.
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Originally Posted by usmcvet: Good to see your progress Vet, and love your determination about never going back there. |
I guess I have been fortunate, but have not had many "negative" comments. Mostly in the beginning comments like "it is not good to lose weight that fast" or "this must be a starvation diet". Once I explained that the protocol is monitored and includes healthy vegies most people backed off. I guess sometimes you just have to ignore the negative people and do what feels good and right to you. Good luck and stay positive!
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Originally Posted by greeniris: |
The support I've had on FB and on 3fc has made the difference to me. My wife told me the other day I would gain it all back. That hurt but also motivated me. I am sitting here trying to figure out if I am going to finish my salad! Not something I'd be worrying about this time last year. =)
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I just can't get over some of the comments folks are saying to folks in here. I mean really, do they say those things to you? I'm SO glad I have not had to deal with that because I have a very hard time keeping my mouth shut. Oh, I would end the conversation very quickly, but most likely in a way not best done at the work place. ;)
Besides the "OMG you are melting/going away/where are you" comments the one comment that someone may think was harsh was when someone told me I was starting to look sick and they thought I didn't need to loose any more. I looked at some photos and really had to agree with them. I had my 'goal' set in my head and remembered that it was just a number I pulled out of thin air. I truly believe it was too low. So, a quick adjustment, add 5 to that goal and I am now very happy to be 2 pounds under my goal and in phase 3. But back to the original, I am so befuddled that someone would really be that rude. That's just crazy. |
My oldest son has been floating my picture around to people he sees on his Fedex route that know me. It freaks them out and of course he tells them Ideal protein and tells them to call the clinic, he knows the number by heart....lol...He told me this morning that he talked to my ex last night over an hour about me. My son said you should see mom, he said I see the pics she post on FB, steven said no dad you don't understand mom is skinny. His dad said I never would of thought your mom would of lost that much weight, steven said well if you would of not sabbatoged her when she tried before she would of gotten skinny when y'all were married but you wanted her big. Steven said she is saving her money for her PS, then she will be really skinny. So his dad said well let me know I will give her $500 to her PS fund....I think its funny how NOW he wants to "help" me.....its crazy...All I know is that I am happier now than i ever was before and that is all that matters to me. I haven't changed on the inside just the out. We all do what we have to do to make ourselves happy, I don't care what anyone else says :)[/I]
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The best "revenge" for all the snarky comments will be making it to goal and staying at your goal weight. That will shut them up eventually. (Or, if it doesn't who cares.)
I think mainly people just get jealous that they cannot achieve the same goals you have. |
Originally Posted by wuv2bloved: ps - what does PS stand for? :?: |
Originally Posted by jwdesselle: |
Thanks so much all! this is why I LOVE 3FC!!!! everyone understands. Yes, I have also gotten the comment "you're really good at losing weight but not keeping it off" well I'm not spending this much time, $$ and attitude adjustment to gain it back.. BTW...the WI went well and I surpassed my goal of 15lbs for the month by 2 lbs!
Ishbel - LOVE LOVE LOVE the comment ! Im stealing it! NO one is going to dull my shine! I feel better than I ever have. I haven't told my family. They live in CT and I live in LA (Louisiana) I will see them in either May or June and I CANNOT wait for their reactions ( altho I am sure not all will be positive!) |
:( I did gain it back and I had given away all my clothes (alot), working on losing again :)
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I know I'm better at losing weight than keeping it off or getting to goal, which is why I didn't tell too many people about being on IP (esp at work). Now that I have 90 days and some before/current pics, I'm getting a little excited but am still pretty reserved about sharing it too much.
When (edited from if) I get to 36.3 lbs, I'll be at about one third of the way to goal. I still think it is better for people to notice on their own. And if there are any snarky comments, I'll have to use my Dale Carnegie principles not to shove a fist down their throat and say, "Here, eat this, its protein and LESS fat!" (Don't dull my shine is so much nicer :) but the visual I got from the fist was so FUN! :devil:) |
Originally Posted by rainbowsmiles: |
Originally Posted by benice: |
Originally Posted by rainbowsmiles: |
Originally Posted by Bellamack: Bellamack - I would so appreciate it if you could give us some advice/insight on what you feel went wrong after you met your goal weight and what you NOW know that you would do differently if you could go back. I, like many others on 3FC who are just beginning or are close to achieving our goal weight have this as our number one fear. Sharing your experience and wisdom in this situation will help us all to learn from you and hopefully something you say will connect with us in a way that will help us to not be derailed when we start maintenance. Thanks ahead of time! Jen BTW: I'm so glad that you've regained your focus and returned to the journey to be a healthier you! You can do it! :carrot: |
Originally Posted by JenRem: Originally Posted by JenRem: |
I'm not Bellamack but I lost 100# on Atkins and then ballooned back up to 260 over about 8 years (was down to 175 so regained almost all my weight).
There is really no lesson learned. There is really no secret. Anyone who thinks they are going to return to ways of eating from the past is doomed to repeat this path. No matter how hard any of us think it is to lose weight, maintenance really takes more diligence. We have to monitor for life and there is none of the feedback you get from the weight loss journey. While losing weight, you get positive feedback from the scale, from other people, and from your clothes getting looser. After you hit goal, all of that stops and then there is the staying there. And "still" being on a "diet" because you CANNOT go back to the way you used to eat. The weight will come back on. At least with IP maintenance, if there is a big cheat day, there is a Phase 1 day to regulate blood sugar. But the folks I know usually only have a cheat meal, and don't even like to call it a "cheat" but rather a relaxed meal or a free meal. I chose IP, and remain at an IP clinic because I know I never learned how to maintain. I know that will be the crucial part for me, as hard as losing the weight is, longterm maintenance is my goal. |
Originally Posted by lisa32989: i agree with you...maintenance must be so bittersweet!!! i can't even let myself go there and fret...i must stay focused on getting it off!! haha you give me lots to ponder on....and make me see how important making this a lifetime change is... NO GOING BACK...NO WAY NOPE NADA NOT HAPPENING!!!! |
Originally Posted by rainbowsmiles: |
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