[Trixie14]

Ok so it was my birthday on sunday, and I brought home the rest of my birthday cake that my mom had bought me, I didn't want to leave it sit out, b/c I didn't want my bf's stepdad to eat it all on me, but there was no room in the fridge, so I left it out, hoping that he would at least have the decency to ask before having some and leave some for me, well my bf wrote a note saying 'No Touchie' and put it on top of the cake box...I told him not too...but little did we know the fuss it would make..it was never intended to be such a big deal as it turned out to be.

Anyway my bf came home this morning from working midnights, and saw that the note had been ripped up and put back on top of the cake box, he asked his mom about it at lunch time and with a smirk on her face told us my bf's stepdad did it b/c he was pissed off and wanted to eat it all, then she went on to say that we were in the wrong b/c sharing is the way to go and she shared her birthday cake. Well...no one told her she had to share her birthday cake, and since it was my birthday cake it should be my choice to share any of it, and I would have, had he asked, I would have only requested he leave a piece for me and my bf.

Anyway after she left to go back to work, we made ourselves lunch, I decided to have a piece of my cake, and to my surprise found that my bf's stepdad had covered the top with jelly beans, and had pressed them down into the cake so that they took off the icing when I took them off of my cake. Well I was so mad when I saw this, how childish can one man be? Just b/c he wanted to eat the rest of a cake that didn't belong to him and didn't have the common courtesy to just ASK?!

Well...I was so angry I ended up eating the rest of the cake...and my bf's mom had left a piece of her birthday cake in the fridge with a note saying 'grandma's cake'..my bf ripped it up (I know two wrongs don't make a right, but this house is so full of double standards..and he saw how much it hurt me that his stepdad had been so immature)

When my bf's mom got home, she flipped out, saying she wasn't the one who did it, and it's just a cake blah blah blah.

Anyway...she said that it was just a cake, and that he didn't ruin it, and it wasn't meant to piss anyone off, what did he think it was going to do? I said to my bf that although it didn't ruin my cake, that's not the point, and it would be the same as if I had went out and sprayed silly string all over his trike, it wouldnt have ruined it but he would have be pretty pissed off that I would do something like that to something that belonged to him. My bf's mom said that everything in this house is everyones and that nothing is off limits...well I disagree. The cake was bought for me for my birthday by my mother, if i want to share it I can, if not that should be my choice as well, but all he had to do was ask, and I wouldn't have cared, he wanted to eat the entire thing, without asking me first.

My bf and I actually thought things were settling down here...some of you may remember previous posts....well we had decided that we would save money and maybe not move out, but take a trip next summer instead, after today, we have totally forgotten about taking a trip, and its back to saving money to move out, I think what my bf's stepdad did was completly and utterly childish and immature. I realize it is only a cake, but its the principal, it is how he acted b/c he wanted to eat the entire thing and not have to ask. I don't think that everything in this house belongs to everyone, all of my personal belongings, that I have bought myself and brought with me when I moved in do not belong to them just b/c they are in this house, they are still my property.

I just wanted to post and get this off my chest..once again! I was really actually hoping things were getting better, but I guess not. I was looking forward to going to LA and Las Vegas next summer, but that will have to wait, LA and Las Vegas arn't going anywhere, but my bf and I sure are, away from here.

Thanks for listening.

[kaplods]

When my sister's fiance (now husband) stayed with us for a while right before their wedding (his mother and siblings were forced to move from their house, because the landlord sold it and was starting to remodel), he was surprised that we never went into their room. His family had always gone into his room and ate any food he had there and even took his money.

In our home however, no one would have thought not to share something like a birthday cake. I think my parents would have been extremely offended by a "don't touch" sign, written humorously or not. They wouldn't have vandalized the cake, but they would have been hurt and upset, and probably would have lectured us on all of the things they were sharing with us, including the roof over our heads (even if we paid rent). And telling them we didn't ask them to share those things with us, well that would have definitely made things worse.

I'm not saying I don't understand your point of view, but I also understand theirs. It isn't about the cake for either you or your bf's parents, it's about personal boundaries and respect. You're feeling violated and disrespected, and they're feeling disrespected and unappreciated (this is my guess from your post today, and previous posts).

Obviously none of us can know the complete situation to determine whether "your side" or "their side" has the longer or more valid list of complaints. And that doesn't really matter, as when you are living in their house, "your side" will always be at a disadvantage.

If you can't work out agreements over house rules, moving out is probably the only solution, and I would do it as soon as possible. And I don't mean as soon as convenient. If it means living in an apartment with no furniture, personally, I would do it.

[bargoo]

I agree with Colleen,MOVE OUT This house sounds like it has a lot of people that have never grown up.

[happycamper4]

Yes move out and you all will be happier. I agree that the cake is not the problem.

Linda

[Jayde]

ok..

I'm going to try not to sound insensitive.

How does this thread belong in weightloss support?

I think general chatter would be better...

But if you want it in weightloss support... my 2 cents would be to share the cake or throw it out.. lotta calories in cake you know.

[TamiL]

I would definitely forget about taking a trip. Your boyfriends parents are making it very clear that they want you guys out of there. The food fights are not uncommon in this situation. I have relatives who come up to my grandma's lake cottage for the weekend and hide their food from everyone else because other relatives never buy anything to eat when they come. This type of situation has basically caused the family to become distant and now rarely anyone goes up to the lake. I haven't been there in many years because I don't need that crap.

My 23 year old daughter lived with her bf's parents for a few months until last October. Although they loved having her, she didn't feel like a member of the household. Ultimately she moved back home with her father and told her bf that either they grow up and get their own place or the relationship is over. He agreed and they got an apartment together. Fast forward a year, they are in the process of buying their first home and have set a July 2007 wedding date.

This is not about the cake, please take some time and evaluate your dedication to each other and your financial situation. Time to move on or out.

[mel67]

We've talked about this before....GET OUT.

[Sunnigummi]

Why didn't you place two slices of the cake in the fridge with a note saying "XYZ's slice" and the rest out for your stepdad to eat? At least then, both parties would've been happier.

Although I do agree you two need to move out.

[fitbyforty]

Sunnigummi,
Good advice,I would have done the same and set aside the pieces i wanted for myself.You do need to move out of there.Starting your own life should be a priority.You have forever to take trips.

[kateful]

I don't know your story, but a couple of things jumped out to me. You are living in their house. Are you paying rent? Do you contribute money to the household expenses? If not, I would think setting birthday cake out for your hosts would be the least you could do. However, if I wasn't willing to share, I wouldn't have put the cake in a public location.

[Glory87]

Here's more back story:

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=87246

I think you're finally making a grown up decision to not take a trip and to save up and move out.

[LLV]

Originally Posted by Jayde

ok..

I'm going to try not to sound insensitive.

How does this thread belong in weightloss support?

It's possible people misinterpret the word "support". I know I did. It doesn't specifically say weight loss support, it just says support. And that's what she was looking for.

Just a guess.

[Jayde]

Originally Posted by LLV

It's possible people misinterpret the word "support". I know I did. It doesn't specifically say weight loss support, it just says support. And that's what she was looking for.

Just a guess.

I suppose... it's just the nicest question I could muster ... since we've been through this before. (See Glory's link)

I fought the urge to say something on that thread... I fought the urge on this one.. but finally posted anyway.

All I can say is that when adults are living in a less than comfortable place they do what is necessary to either remedy the problem or move.

Also, IF I were living at relative or friend's house and found their rules or behaviour to be intolerable.. the only reason I'd stay is because it was either there or the streets. And in that case if I stayed .. I'd be so grateful not to be on the street that I would put up with quite a lot.. except out and out abuse. Then I'd take the street.

If either of my children (who are young adults now) brought something in the house they were unwilling to share and put it in plain view.. I'd show them in a very subtle but effective way how two can play the game. No lecture.. just forced "karma" . But that wouldn't happen. My children wouldn't do such a thing.

I have a feeling Trixie did this partly as a way of expressing control. Take control.. MOVE OUT!

[catrinaH]

I'm still pretty new here. I dont' know very many people yet. But i had to say something.
I'm sorry you are putting up with BS but i see some BS on both sides. I would never leave a cake out if i didn't want to share it. Leaving it out is an automatic invitation to the household to have a piece. Now a birthday cake does have one special rule in my house. The last piece (a realistic serving size) is for the birthday person. How much of the cake was put out? Was it half of a cake? was it 2 pieces?
Honestly i think, from what you have said, both of you are in the wrong to a degree. The cake was left out with a note. Dads shoes....I would be upset too if i saw this lovely delicous cake sitting on my counter and saw a note telling me not to have any and it was sitting on my counter. I would not have defaced the cake however. I would had to have a talk with you about it.
But lets be realistic a little. I did read some of your other posts. You guys have alot of clashes there. Move out and put a cake on your counter in your house then when they come over they then have an obligation to ask for a piece. Right now though it looks like anything is going to set you guys off on a tangent.
If it was a toothbrush i could understand the anger.

Sorry if i'm blunt and hurtfull, just an opinion.

[Trixie14]

Originally Posted by Sunnigummi

Why didn't you place two slices of the cake in the fridge with a note saying "XYZ's slice" and the rest out for your stepdad to eat? At least then, both parties would've been happier.

Although I do agree you two need to move out.

Even that would have started a problem, they would have thought they should be able to have as much of it as they wanted, in his mind if he wanted to eat the entire thing he should have been able too.