Yes we pay, and I had no where else to put it, if we put food in our room we get in trouble, and I had no problem with sharing I just would have appreciated being asked and everything would have been fine.

there wasn't much left, it was a small cake to begin with, about 2 pieces maybe, he wanted to eat the entire thing, and like I said in my post, I had no problem with sharing that isn't the issue, I would have liked to have been asked if he wanted some, but instead he resorted to childish behaviour b/c he was so pissed off about a note that said 'no touchie' my bf wrote it but instead of talking to us about it he decided to do something to hurt me, i know its just food, but its a birthday cake, and defacing it hurt my feelings. I understand if the note bugged him, but he didnt have to sink to such immaturturity about it.

They don't want us out, my bf's stepdad maybe, but that is b/c he doesn't care about anyone who isn't his personal family, he has always treated my bf like crap b/c he is only his girlfriend's son (their not married)....his mom DOESNT want us out, she wants us to stay, we've tried moving out before and she has prevented it (I've cleared this up in my other posts..) but this is more about my bfs stepdad than his mom, she was wrong to let it happen, but she couldnt stop him, and didnt know about the jelly beans until after, anyway point is, in my opinion it was childish of him to act the way he did, and were moving out ASAP. I just wanted to post about it and get it off my chest, b/c it was bugging me so much.

Yes, BF's dad behaved immaturely, but he does have a point.

First, I have found very few situations in which grown children and significant others can live with parents. In fact, any non-relationship adults sharing a home proves to be pretty difficult, IMO. It's a generous offer for them to share the house, but honestly you'd be better off renting a room from a neutral party. You are in some sort of odd, perpetual-guest mode when you live with family/relatives, rent or no rent.

I would get out ASAP. No trips, no tattoos, no extras along the way ... in fact, it might even be worth it for both of you to take on part-time employment in addition to a full-time job, just to get yourself a place. You'll feel better about yourself, your relationship will flourish (or at least you'll not have the added family stress), and you'll be able to have clear boundaries in YOUR home.

All that aside, it's probably better for your health that the cake was destroyed anyway.

I know, I personally can't touch on this one because I know I'll say something I shouldn't. Her situation is just ridiculous.

I'm sorry, but I'd do exactly what a friend of mine did in a similar situation - she didn't have the money to get her own apartment, so she moved out of the "lunatic house" (as we called it) and went and lived in a cheap motel until she could afford her own place. And wow, golly gee, she was paying LESS at the motel than what these people at the lunatic house charged her.

Imagine that.

There ARE options. You just have to look for them.

This doesn't boil down to a stupid cake. It boils down to the HOSTILITY over the cake. Forget the cake. This goes much deeper than that.

You know what? You are gonna have experiences and episodes like this until you get it together and move out, so you might as well get used to it!

Your main priority right now should be to get your act together and get your own place! I know I have said it before ... if you are gonna play house, get your own house!

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you had your mind made up before that you were going to move out, and now here you are again saying you changed your mind and were thinking a trip next year would be better than using the money to get your own place.

Well, if you keep thinking this way, you just better get used to it all.

Well, I guess if you don't want to deal with it, move out.
You haven't any right to complain - as I assume YOU are the guest in their home. Their house, their rules - no matter how immature and childish.
I don't know your personal situation, and I don't care to take the time to read it... but if you can save enough money to go to Vegas and what not, there is no reason to be living with anyone's parents.
The whole situation is childish...

Honey... we perfectly understand your frustration. And I know it's not easy to just up and leave and find somewhere else to live. But look at what these arguments are about - food. There's always a fight over a certain food and who it belongs to.

I wasn't gonna say anything here, but I'm gonna try and put myself in both pairs of shoes here; yours and your... uhhhhh, whatever she is, future MIL? We'll just call her mom.

Okay. Your shoes. You've got something that was yours. Given to you. You take it home. Put it in the fridge. Everybody freaks out over the blasted thing and basically defaces it. Yes, what the dad did was immature and I would have been upset over it too. But let's look at their side of it for a moment as well....

You're in their house. You put food into their fridge with a sign on it basically telling them HANDS OFF. Being mom (or dad) I would have taken offense to that. I would have thought well fine, you little brats, you live under MY roof and put food in MY fridge and stick a rudeass note on top of it to boot pretty much telling me I can't have any of it.

You said, at first, you told your bf not to put the note on there. And your intuition was correct, you should have taken it right back off.

That was rude. Plain and simple. The dad probably did what he did from being hurt and offended that you're telling them to keep their hands off of your stuff even though it's in THEIR refrigerator. I'm sorry, but I'm sure that's how they look at it. I would too.

Listen, babe, you and these people live in the same house together. Which means whatever is put into that fridge is everybody's. Not just yours. Not just theirs. Everybody's. You can't just keep putting food into this blasted refrigerator and demand nobody else touch it. That's where the tension is coming from in the first place. It's not even about the food. It's about the disrespect and the distrust and making mom and dad feel they can't even eat something out of their own fridge. That cake should NOT have had that note on it. It should have been placed in the fridge for anyone to eat. When you place food into that refrigerator, consider it there for everyone. Not just you and your boyfriend.

If my son and his girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever (hypothetical situation here, because my son is only 6 years old) lived in my house and put a cake in my fridge with a note on it telling me to keep my bloody hands off, I woulda done more than just stick jelly beans in it. That cake would probably be face down on the driveway.

And there's my $.02 on this situation.

You will love getting your own place. Yes, you do have some additional responsibilities, but you'll get to make all your own decisions once you are completely independent and responsible for your own place. Hurry! You'll be so glad you did.

Not to be mean, but last time I checked cake wasn't on anyone's diet menu. Think of it as a favor if your BF stepdad ate the cake. The 400+ calories would end up on his butt and not yours. Heck I will throw my cake in the garbage after I have one small piece if nobody else will eat it. Sorry, you need to move out.

Yes, childish behaviour - on everyone's part. It's only a cake for heaven's sake! It's definitely time to move out and get into real life.

I know I have been kind of hard on you in your posts before....but I gotta agree with WeighToGo's post,, and she said it very well......You will LOVE getting your own place. Yes, you will have more to worry about, but you will be in charge of who brings home cake, who eats cake, and who puts jelly beans in your cake....it will be YOUR place.

Believe me, I have been there. When my husband and I got married, we had to move into his foster parents' house...big old farm out in the middle of nowhere. We were there TWO DAYS and a helicopter flew over the house one evening. His parents thought it was because they were doing a "drug search" because, obviously, we must be growing m*ariju*ana. Well, sure, that's what I think when a helicopter flies over the house. uh huh.

Just get out, get your own place, you will be sooooo much happier.

I know it may seem like we're ganging up on you. Just as it may have last post, but I think you need a fire under your butt to get out of that house. And if it's time to complain about the living arrangements, it's time to move out. It really doesn't matter whether they're being unreasonable or not, it is very difficult for adults to live with adult parents (or children), under the best of circumstances and these are not the best of circumstances.

I moved back in with my parents, paying rent - as much as a dumpy apartment would have cost me, for several years while I worked full time and went to graduate school. My parents were about as good as you could expect about it, and I hope I was too, and we still had clashes over "rights" in the house. I felt they had many house rules that that just didn't make sense to me. They still treated me to a large degree, I felt, more like a stupid kid than a responsible adult.

The fact is, most parents treat their kids and kids-in-law as kids for the rest of their lives. I am 40 years old, and married, living a state away from my parents, and they still treat me like a kid. My husband's great grandmother, when she was alive (and 102) still treated her 80 year old daughter - like a kid.

With the trouble you are describing it is time to move out. Staying there, rent or not, sets you up to act like, and be treated like kids. It may be why bf's mom doesn't want you to leave (or at least part of her doesn't), it's a way to keep your bf from growing up. And if his mom's boyfriend doesn't want you there, you're asking for trouble by staying. It puts a wedge between him and his girlfriend, her and her and son, and you're in the middle of everything.

The biggest question you have to ask yourself is why are you staying? Why would you even think of going on a trip instead of getting your own place? Doing that, while complaining about them in their house, while using them to save money so you can save for a trip or for an apartment for that matter, doesn't paint you in any better a light than you describe them.

You owe it to your relationship with your boyfriend, both your relationships to the "parents" and their relationship with each other to get out now.

Quite bluntly- Move Out and then you can have your cake and eat it too.
As a parent who is currently moving my son and his GF out, I can tell you that any food they bring into this house is up for grabs by anyone. They eat what food I buy all the time, as I'm sure you do. The matter isn't even about food, it's about you and your BF disrespecting the parents and both sides being completely childish.
You might want to read my thread "HOW DO YOU GET ADULT KIDS TO MOVE OUT'. it's under the general chatter section. This might help you see the other perspective of this situation, but somehow I doubt it.

I agree with this, but the problem here is that once things cool down after this last 'fight', I'm concerned they're gonna sink back into that cozy at-home feeling again, everything's gonna be happy-happy-joy-joy and that money they're saving to move out will be spent on the trip anyway.

I've seen it happen too many times.