I totally get the fat but beautiful comment, all of my friends are still thin, its hard to suddenly be the fat one in the group. Im lucky though hubby thinks Im super sexy. So thats agood thing, it really makes losing the weight all up to me, which is a pressure all unto itself, but I cant imagine adding the pressure of him as well.
I feel for you with your hubby's typical male brain, making a comment, without thinking, I do think its a male/female lingo issue, as to what they think is hurtful versus what we think is, but it still hurts Im sure!! Big hugs, and keep moving in the direction that you choose for yourself!!
I can't believe your HUSBAND of all people would DARE say something like that to you! He's got to understand that people change through the years, and that he's not perfect either. He should love you for who you ARE, and NOT what you look like.
I guess I'm lucky, since my boyfriend is super supportive, and doesn't want me to be skinny skinny...I wanna have CURVES!
I totally get the fat but beautiful comment, all of my friends are still thin, its hard to suddenly be the fat one in the group.
All my friends are thin. I seriously can;t believe I am the biggest in the group. I mean, when I was "thin" I felt sad for my fat friends.. man! What a switch -a -roo. Totally sucks.
I know, isn't it! I think everyone should go through a fat phase just to see how difficult it is and how hard. Did anyone see when Tyra Banks went in fat suit and also did the blind date thing?
That was horrible!
i'm so sorry he said that...i would've died on the spot.
my parents act like that too, "you have such a pretty face...if only you lost some weight". the most annoying thing is that my mother was a size 4 after four kids, and she's gained weight since starting her new job, now a size 8. and she talks about how fat she is. i would kill to be a size 8. and my father only has to say he's going on a diet and he loses 10 pounds. so i can't even blame genetics...
LOL! I can relate. I actually had a marriage counselor (back when I was married before) that told me I'd be a "knockout" if only I lost some weight!! Those exact words. Can you believe it? One of our issues was my husband not wanting to be with me intimately. At the time, I was probably around 200 pounds or so, the first time we saw the counselor. I stuck it out for 6 more years. He was also the one that told me I should stay in the marriage for my son who was then 7 at the time I believe, until he was 18!! I mean, hello!! I wasn't happy. My husband thought I was fat and unattractive and told me so. We fought all the time. He was very controlling with everything (friends, money, family, etc.). I didn't have a life. I was not going to raise my son in that kind of environment. I finally got out of the marriage. My son is now 12. I am married for 2 1/2 years now to a WONDERFUL man who loves my son like his own. We are all three doing Tae Kwon Do together. My husband is a great step-dad and my son loves him. We have a real family, now, where everyone is happy and respectful to each other. BIG DIFFERENCE from the previous environment. Best thing I could ever do. He still sees his biological dad every other weekend. Anyway, sorry, I got off track. Just wanted to say I actually had a counselor tell me that. LOL Oh, by the way, the wonderful man I am married to now tells me every day how beautiful and gorgeous and sexy I am. And, he really means it. I am almost to the point where I finally believe him. After 17 years in a previous marriage where I was never led to believe anything of the sort of myself, or that my then husband thought so, well, it's hard to get out of that "I must really be ugly and unattractive" mode, ya know?
I've been biting my tongue, but I just have to say this. The thing that struck me was that you overheard your husband saying this to a friend. And, then later, he told friends he was in the doghouse. This seems very immature.
Now, I understand that having someone to confide in is important, but there have to be limits when it comes to marriage. One wonderful habit that I have tried to learn from my husband is not to say negative things about him to others. Whenever I met his friends they seem to have an overly positive impression of me based on what he has said. (It makes me want to live up to their good opinions of me.)
There are exceptions where I might try to lay out the facts of a situation in order to get advice. But even then, I try to be objective and honest about my failings in the situation.
My husband also struggles with his weight. I would never dream of telling him that this makes him less attractive to me (and, honestly, it doesn't). However, I have shared with him my concerns about his health and have tried to work with him to make both of us healthier.
Kitkat, I am so glad for you. It for sure is hard. In my situation, He is wonderful, and loving, and a great father, and I am happpy, BUT.. I know he don't like fat. And that is ok.. because I don't like fat either... Just one of those things.. The thorn in my side. I just have to loose this weight. I hate it.
Kim, I really don't think it is immature. I have my friends that I can talk to about personal things, and he has his. The dog house comment was told to me by my girlfriend. He husband was a t hockey and the guys were talking in the locker room. I think it is actually great for him to talk to his friends about his fustrations. They usually keep him in line and sometimes they say.."Man, you can't say that to her!" lol I know he loves me, and wants the best for us. I would love for us to be the thin beautiful couple. There is a pride in that. He was never a kiss and tell guy and that was one of the main things in the beginning I loved about him. He isn't a gossiper either. But sharing his feelings with the guys is a great thing. It will be our 10 year anniversary this year... and what a gift to both of us, if I just get this weight off!
