Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I'm hanging in there... good days, bad days..sorta good days and horrible days. The kids are doing great, first day of school today and it went really well The kids are happy and healthy... That's all that matters. I'm working on getting myself healthy right now.
Thank you, again, for thinking about me!
Wow, going back to school already, we don't start until after Labor Day. At least you'll have some quiet moments to enjoy to yourself.
Have you talked to your husband about visitations, house payments, who makes sure the kids are covered by insurance, does he have a pension plan, is he helping support you financially now, who takes the deductions for the kids, etc ???...don't let him just leave with no responsibilities. When I went through this I totally got taken advantage of, so please look out for you and the children's benefits and make him take some responsibility.
It's a really weird situation. We rent a house and we only have one car. At this time he is spending the night at a friends house every night. He comes over early in the morning and picks the kids and myself up. We drop them off at school and then I drop him off at work. I then go and pick up the kids after school and later pick him up at work. He stays until around 9 in the evening and then drives back over to his friends house. This is supposedly going to go on until I can get a "good" job and either move out or take over the rent on this house. It's just not going to happen. I've applied at little jobs here and there but no one is willing to hire me with the hours I want to work (while the kids are at school).. and I'm not willing to put the kids in daycare or extended day so I can work a minimum wage job. I keep the house running here .. get the kids ready for school.. help them with their home work.. go to school when the kids forget their lunch (which they often do).. go on all the field trips..do all the parties and school activities etc. I do the laundry that my husband brings home and I cook for him when he comes home. He takes me to the places that I can't get to.. places that are downtown (where I won't drive) or really far away.. like my dental and doctors appointments.
I'm still hoping that he'll come to his senses and see that this is crazy. That way... *I* can be the one that ends up walking out and going back home with the kids when I've had enough.
Know first of all that I say this with love, feelings and I totally empathize with you. With that said "Let That Man Go!" Focus your energies on getting a game plan. I remember you stated in your journal that you could move back home where there was family and support. Go there. You need loving and support and so do your children. How you deal with this crisis will serve as a "training manual" of sorts for them (especially daughters). Envision how you would want your daughter to respond if a man she loved ever decided that he didn't want to be with her anymore. Would you want her to bunker down in her grief and try to hang on, or would you want her to stand tall, be strong, acknowledge the pain and then move foward to something better without the guy? Of course you would. So be a role model for your baby.
I admire the fact that you two only had one meltdown in front the kids - My ex and I had many. Now, he and I work well together (took the kids camping last week-end) but I know that if we had stayed together we both would still be miserable. You can be strong, you will find a way, you have to get through this - you just have to get up and logically plan for your future - as a provider/caregiver and move forward.
Devorce is tuff and I been through it with my daughter of 36 and her two children.1st thing I sugest is make sure you do not let him off lightly. make sure he has medical insurance on your children, life insurance on them and a policy on him with you as the owner. The worst thing you can do is let him walk over you because you do not want it. He probably has some one else and his head is up his butt. First and foremost the kids come first. They will not come through this as easy as you will of course at this time you can not see this either. make sure you get a good lawyer and that you get whats yours by rights. I know this seems tough and it is. I sugest you pray a lot and keep God with you tru this and life.
Time will heal things, for the kids sake try and keep a speakable relationship.I can not say if you should stay or leave that has to be your decision and yours only, guidence is great but you will still live with your decision. I have you on my prayer list and actually it the best thing I can do for you as my advise is only from experence.
Hello SweetMadness. I am 36 and newly divorced, myself, with 2 girls. It is heartbreaking to watch the children go through this but as you know the important thing is that they know you and their father love them. My ex moved out right after Thanksgiving (my idea) and my 8 year old still talks about his returning despite the fact that the divorce was final in May. I explained to her that even though Daddy doesn't live here he still loves her as does her grandparents, aunts, uncles and lots of other wonderful people who don't live with us. Location is irrelevant.
As for your relationship....this part is even tougher. My bit of advice would be to establish boundaries and stick to them. It is very difficult to work around old habits, feelings and dependencies. It takes time. It is a process.
I hope you have support for yourself - emotional and legal. Dig up those old friends, call your family....do what you need to do to keep yourself well.
Things are about the same... maybe a little better (I've been very good about *not* thinking too much about what's going on). My husband comes home and we basically ignore each other. He took the kids out to the zoo and out shopping on labor day weekend.. I stayed behind as usual. I've found avoiding things works rather well at this point I'm still totally lost.. I think I'm just waiting for February (when he gets his bonus and taxes).. that's when he'll go for the divorce.. that's when the real fight will begin. My plan still stands.. I want to take the kids back to Indiana and get a job.. hopefully go to school. My husband can drive to see the kids once a month or so. Ugh.. now I'm thinking.. bad bad bad.......
Thanks for thinking about me
About 5 years ago my husband and I went through a rough time. We did work it out, and that doesn't always happen. I married young too, we will have been together 13 years come October. I wanted to say my thoughts are with you and I wanted to share this song.
"Bring Me To Life"
(feat. Paul McCoy)
how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
now that I know what I’m without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead
all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)
Sometimes we just have to save ourselves. Take care and keep us updated.
Miss Chris
Being a Divorcee myself...Divorce is never easy,on anyone just remeber that everything happens for a reason, and that you finding out about your self, and things about you, and what you can do to make you happier as well as your children is the most important thing. We are all here for you!!
Mine FINALLY moved out last weekend, and since then, he's broken 2 promises to our daughter. She gets her hopes up that he'll show up for a visit, then he waits until after her bedtime to call and say he can't come. I could really slap him when I see that look on her face. So, as I'm holding it all in and trying to maintain my calm for dd, I'm really seething and ready to scream. How do you all deal with the anger? I'm trying, really, but sometimes I just need to vent! Thanks!
My anger comes and goes... the anger is actually better than the horrible pain. My husband is always there for the kids though, I would probably be a lot more angry if he wasn't. He wants the kids full time but he doesn't want to take them from me just like I don't want to take them from him. I'm stuck in the shock and denial phase.. begging and pleading him to love me again every chance I get... pathetic. If you have anger.. go with it. I think having anger would make it easier to do what's best for *you* without having to consider the rat *******s feelings.
Hello Sweet Madness...Thinking of you today..every so often I come to this thread and check on you. I have never gotten a divorce before..but me and my dh have had a few rough times. The one thing that has made us "stick" so good is that we are friends first and foremost.
With the both of you having beautiful children..it would be nice if you could work it out?...You are not pathetic ...you are only human ...you are wanting to be loved like you deserve. Does he give a really "GOOD" reason why he wants out?...have you asked him...Or does he give you back-in-forth talk...like maybe their is a chance?....If you think there is a chance?...May I suggest a book for the both of you?.....
HIS NEEDS/HER NEEDS...by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
This is an excellent book about reconnecting. It gives detailed advice/information about what women need most in the marriage..and what men need most in the marriage. After each chapter their is a series of questions. It would be worth a try. It really is a excellent book! It made me appreciate my spouse more..it made me see things about a man that I never even thought about.
Hope this helps... I will be praying for you...for your "peace" in what ever form that may be. God Bless you and your children.
The kids are happy and healthy... That's all that matters. I'm working on getting myself healthy right now.
