[NJChick78]

My friend's mom had funky toenails. We surprised her with a pedicure. She had no idea, we took a group of us girls so we could pressure her and she could not say no. My friend also lied and told her it was prepaid and she'd lose the money if she didn't do it.

So...she got the pedicure. Her feet soaked in the water with the jets, nails nicely trimmed, feet massaged. She ended up enjoying it.

I agree with the shower chair/bench. Call it a "spa chair". Be blunt, tell her she stinks and other people noticed it. Set rules like no going in the car without a shower. She can't smell herself.

Another friend of mine, his Mom got yeast infections under her breasts from not showering regularly.

[patns]

You didn't mention how old your mother is, but as her mother is 97 and still living at home your mom likely has a long time to go yet.

We had the same difficulty with my mom but she is very elderly, she finally had to go into assisted living last year at 88.
She had not been showering or washing her clothes and refused to allow anyone in to help her.

As the previous poster who worked in a nursing home mentioned you cannot make anyone take a bath etc who doesn't want it.

Over a period of time her caregivers worked out her issues which were more than one. First was just the amount of effort bathing or showering takes when you are frail. Also she was scared she would fall or that she couldn't control the water temperature.
My brother had to co-share the cost of getting a walk in tub in her room because she refused to move to another room that already had this. She gradually got enough trust in her caregivers to let them help her with a shower but wouldn't let them wash her hair. Finally she said it was because she hated how it just hung there when it dried, so my sister arranged for her to go to the hairdresser in the facility twice a week after a shower.
So the reasons she wouldn't shower were more complex than we thought and that is not going into the uproar she caused about letting her clothes go to be washed.

I think a big reason is the sense of smell goes with age and she didn't realize she smelled bad.
But it took more staff than the queen has to get this less than 90 pound elderly lady to bathe!

[Palestrina]

Originally Posted by patns

You didn't mention how old your mother is, but as her mother is 97 and still living at home your mom likely has a long time to go yet.

We had the same difficulty with my mom but she is very elderly, she finally had to go into assisted living last year at 88.
She had not been showering or washing her clothes and refused to allow anyone in to help her.

As the previous poster who worked in a nursing home mentioned you cannot make anyone take a bath etc who doesn't want it.

Over a period of time her caregivers worked out her issues which were more than one. First was just the amount of effort bathing or showering takes when you are frail. Also she was scared she would fall or that she couldn't control the water temperature.
My brother had to co-share the cost of getting a walk in tub in her room because she refused to move to another room that already had this. She gradually got enough trust in her caregivers to let them help her with a shower but wouldn't let them wash her hair. Finally she said it was because she hated how it just hung there when it dried, so my sister arranged for her to go to the hairdresser in the facility twice a week after a shower.
So the reasons she wouldn't shower were more complex than we thought and that is not going into the uproar she caused about letting her clothes go to be washed.

I think a big reason is the sense of smell goes with age and she didn't realize she smelled bad.
But it took more staff than the queen has to get this less than 90 pound elderly lady to bathe!

I know this sound strange but I find this topic fascinating, I'm always thinking about what I will be like when I get elderly. Why doesn't she want her clothes washed?

My Grandmother is in her 80s and she has really good hygiene. However years ago we made improvements to her house. We built a bathroom inside the house but she still prefers to use and bathe in the outhouse in the back. Modern toilets seem to frighten her.

[MarjorieMargarine]

I think you need to talk to your mom's doctor about this. I know you said she's never really liked water, but this no-showering-ever thing seems more recent. It could be a sign of something else going on. Her doctor needs to know about it, and he can bring it up with her so you don't necessarily have to and maybe it will carry more weight. I think you should call him before your mom's next appointment and tell him you're concerned about her. He will also be able to tell her that she needs to take care of her hygiene for medical reasons. She might also be more honest with him about why she doesn't want to bathe.

[CIELOARGE]

It is sad to see older women let themselves go. My mom is not even that old (just turned 50) but I had to tell her plain and simple "please dress better and take care of yourself", she does shower twice a day, so hygiene is not a problem, but comestic things like waxing eyebrows, fixing hair, putting a bra on!! She is a young and attractive woman and I just feel bad that she doesn't want to put some effort on herself. She is getting better, and is now always well put together when I am around (mostly because she doesn't want to take crap from me) she also asks me to take her to wax her eyebrows and get manicures.

My MIL is super obese and looks like a homeless person, always stinking and dirty... Her husband constantly tells her how bad she looks, but I think she is depress and just gave up. Unfortunally, she doesn't have daughters, but her mom is a very well put together lady and always looking good, so when she is around she helps her to get somewhat better... But once she is gone, she goes back to her homeless-looking self.

Maybe sometimes I come across as a big b, but it works and I know she feels better when she looks good

[kaplods]

When I was at my heaviest and sickest, showering was a very upsetting and exhausting ordeal. I needed a shower bench and hubby's help getting in and out of the shower. Showering wore me out for the rest of the day.

Even now that I don't need assistance or the bench, showering can be a bit disconcerting as our tub floor can get very slippery. Non slip mats are some help, and so are shower or water shoes (those I've only used at the gym, but I've been tempted to use them at home as well.