Earlier today, I was eating a sugar-free popsicle from a box that I had bought recently to curb my craving for something sweet after dinner that wasn't so high in calories. My dad saw me eating it, and went on to help himself to one. This wasn't a big deal as I don't mind if he eats some, but I did make a point to mention to him that those were my Popsicles that I bought with my own money, and he could have some but not to go hog wild because I wanted them to last awhile.
Well, he made a very negative face when I said that which told me he was offended, so I went to him later and told him that I wasn't trying to be rude or mean about it, it was just that last time I bought a treat (girl scout cookies) for myself like that, I came upon him scarfing down half the box and I had only had 1 or 2 cookies, and if I hadn't said, "hey slow down, those are mine!" I'm pretty sure he would've eaten most of the cookies. Of course I was nicer about it when I explained this for the Popsicle thing, but then he threw back at me that I get to eat all the food he buys freely, but the food hes talking about are the groceries for the whole house that are for everyone to eat. I instantly felt like I was being an *******, but I really don't think I was in the wrong. We always have to make a point to hide anything special that we have because he assumes if it's in out kitchen, he's free to eat it and he doesn't bother to ask about it, and he always says to let him know when not to eat something, but the Popsicle incident is always the kind of reaction I get when I try to tell him not to eat something I bought for myself. Like, how dare I tell him not to eat all of my Popsicles!
So... Am I being disrespectful for telling him to not go crazy on my Popsicles? In a way he actually kinda made me feel bad for eating the food that's regularly in my house. Like should I buy a whole seperate load of groceries just for myself and keep them in my room? That seems silly to do but that's how he made me feel. If he bought something special for himself I wouldn't eat all of it. To me, that's rude and disrespectful but apparently it's okay for him to be disrespectful to me because I'm his daughter. That doesn't make sense to me :/
Last edited by mimsyborogoves; 04-13-2013 at 10:13 PM.
I'm lousy at relationship advice so will abstain from giving it!
But just wanted to say that the same thing happened to me today with my low calorie bread! I caught my visiting step-dad eating it and quickly pointed him to the normal, nicer, fluffy bread that he had not seen! I get big time protective over my low-cal foods.
If you eat the food that he buys, and do not pay a fair percentage of the household groucery bill (aka, split evenly between members of the household), then I really think its fair he can eat yours. YES, its annoying as frack, but when looking outside the box, he buys the groceries for everyone else, and they all eat it. So why can't he eat the stuff everyone else buys?
If you all split the grocery bill equally and then went out and bought your own popsicles, that would be different. But since he is the sole contributor to all the other groceries, it is actually quite fair for him to have equal access to your popsicles. Unless your under 18, and if you are - then its not fair! But if your over 18, you should just be thankful to have all other groceries bought for you since its not a requirement and food is damn expensive.
If you eat the food that he buys, and do not pay a fair percentage of the household groucery bill (aka, split evenly between members of the household), then I really think its fair he can eat yours. YES, its annoying as frack, but when looking outside the box, he buys the groceries for everyone else, and they all eat it. So why can't he eat the stuff everyone else buys?
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If you all split the grocery bill equally and then went out and bought your own popsicles, that would be different. But since he is the sole contributor to all the other groceries, it is actually quite fair for him to have equal access to your popsicles. Unless your under 18, and if you are - then its not fair! But if your over 18, you should just be thankful to have all other groceries bought for you since its not a requirement and food is damn expensive.
I agree with basically what Candeka said. Honestly, I wouldn't have said anything until I saw him eating it a second time. I don't know if your dad is overweight or even if he isn't - I instantly feel embarrassed if someone said something to me about what I was eating and made me feel guilty for it.
That said, I know it's yours and your thing and you paid for it, but if dad foots the bill for all the groceries, I don't see why it's that big of a deal. Especially since he does do the shopping, if he ate a couple I'd ask him to pick up another box the next time he went to the store.
Oh gosh, that's a tough one. If it was me, as a parent, I hope to try and respect my daughters boundaries when she is a young woman. If these were a healthy treat that she bought with her own money, I'd be proud of her for 1) using her own money 2) making healthy choices...so I wouldn't eat more if she expressed herself as you did. Yet, your dad does have a point, and my dad would have said the SAME thing, for sure. Haha! I understand where he is coming from, and I don't think he is out of line, so I guess if it were me I wouldn't make an issue out of it (not that you did) and respect his home philosophy.
Honestly, I think you guys are making it a bigger deal than it really is... I mean it's just popsicles. You eat the grocery that he buys, so why not contribute to it when you do go buy some treats for yourself? Like buy some regular popsicles for your family as well and ask them to eat that instead. I don't know, I just find it kinda weird to have to hide food from the family, lol. If it's roommates then I would understand...
I agree with the pp who said to just ask him to pick some up next time he shops. If you and your dad are both going to enjoy the popsicles (and any other low-cal treat), then just alternate who buys. If he has a problem doing that, then...maybe do as others are suggesting and chip in a bit for the other groceries or buy him his own popsicles. Trust me, I know how frustrating it is to buy special low-cal treats for yourself and then have them disappear before you get to eat them. It's annoying. Sometimes you have to just accept that the people you live with aren't going to respect boundaries and try to work around it.
Can you ask him to buy more if he eats them the next time the groceries are purchased. I would try not to make a deal about it. The other option is to write your name on the box and hope for the best or buy your own fridge.
Echoing others here, I don't think you were totally in the wrong and I do understand where your dad is coming from. Buy him his own box of popsicles and/or chip in with groceries.
I have told my BF the same thing you did- I don't mind if he has some, just don't go hogwild because I would like it to last awhile because he CAN eat it all in one or two nights, ugh.
Although, I would have been pissed about the girl scout cookies, LOL. They need to get their own box cuz I'm keepin' mines all to myself!
I think the posters main concern was that her Dad would eat ALL her popsicles and she would have no low calorie treat. Kind of a tricky situation, what she buys for herself is money saved for him, but of course he doesn't see that.
For the most part, my DH stays out of my stuff, he's not a veggie or fruit fan.
However, he developed a taste for my WW Fudge bars.
That's ok, until I got home and he'd eaten the last one! GRR.
So we have an agreement, on things like that, if there is only one left, (he gets home from work before I do), and he wants it, he needs to call me and let me know.
I don't care if he eats it, but don't eat the last one and leave me hanging!
I don't really see any right or wrong, in this situation, just a problem with communication.
He feels entitled, since (assuming) he buys most of the groceries, and you feel disrespected in your efforts at a healthy lifestyle.
The 2 of you need to sit down, and have a visit, explain your side, and give your father a chance to voice his side as well, and then agree to work on a compromise. And COMMUNICATE!
Well, I'm a mom and I have two teenagers 17 and 15. Sometimes they use their money to buy themselves some sort of special treat and I wouldn't eat it. I buy all the groceries which they eat, but like someone mentioned above they are under 18 and I couldn't/wouldn't expect them to buy their own groceries.
I see your dad's side, too though. If you are an adult, living in his house, not buying groceries or contributing to the household by paying rent...I could see why he might think he can eat a Popsicle in his freezer, in his house, being that he probably bought all those things, too. It is a tough call. I'm not saying you were wrong, I guess I'm being Switzerland. Like I said I wouldn't eat stuff my kids bought themselves unless they offered some to me. Did he know they weren't "community property" before you said something?
I totally get what you all are saying, but yes I am still at home with my parents while I'm getting my ducks in a row (trying to get into grad school, finding a better job, etc). I'd like to move out within the beginning of the next year so I'm saving whatever money I can in the meantime. Right now, yes, all I have to pay for is my car insurance, but that's because my parents haven't asked me to pay anything and any time I've offered they told me not to worry about it. But then my dad makes comments like that, and I feel like I'm being a burden to them, and then my mom tells me I'm not and not to worry about it. It's really confusing!
And what bargoo said was my main concern, and I told him this just now. It's not that I don't want him to have ANY, it's just I don't want him to eat ALL the popsicles and not leave me any. My mom has to do it to, hide food she doesn't want eaten because if my dad likes it, he'll eat it and eat it ALL. I know it's his freezer and his paycheck is what pays for the groceries, and I get that, but he has no consideration for anyone else when it comes to food. I wouldn't mind sharing anything with him at all if I knew he wasn't going to be a hog about it. Maybe I did say something too early in the ballgame, but it's like, if my mom had a popsicle I wouldn't have cared because I know she wouldn't go overboard with it. My dad will though, so I feel like I have to say something or I won't get my treat. But then I get made to feel guilty, so it is a really tough situation.
It's not so much about the popsicles as it is my dad's lack of consideration for other people. He can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to whoever he wants with no regard, but if we do the same thing then we're disrespectful. It's really frustrating.
Was I in the wrong here?
