I don't think you were wrong to say "hey, don't eat all my popsicles that I specifically bought for me," but I can see why he would be offended if only for the fact that food tends to be a sensitive subject. I get having to verbally put boundaries on a food because I used to be a sugar fiend, & my dad is definitely a sugar fiend. If there was something my mom was saving for a special occasion, she made sure to tell us so we wouldn't eat it. And then she'd probably hide it too for good measure, lol.
In our house, it's my dad's money that pays for groceries for everyone (though I do most shopping & cooking) but he usually asks me if he wants to get into my specially bought, healthy stuff, even though he essentially paid for it & I don't mind anyway. He's the kind of person who won't take the last of something in case someone else might want it, & he expects the rest of us to do the same. For us, I think it's not the money that gives ownership or entitlement to a food, but intention; for example, the sprites are my dad's because he's the sprite lover. The organic, healthy stuff is "mine" because that's how I'm eating, but because I do most of the cooking my food becomes our food. Luckily, they like it & want to be healthier, too.
All of that was to say that technically, monetarily, your dad is free to eat your popsicles, but I, personally, think it would be wrong of him to eat ALL of them knowing you got them as an alternative to something less healthy. Of course, it all depends on family dynamics & relationships, yada yada yada....
Ultimately, you spoke up out of irritation over the cookie incident & he got defensive. I think the underlying issue is about more than food or who paid for it though. (Just read your last post, Lauren & you addressed this. I should really read everything before I comment!)
Last edited by Keep Moving Forward; 04-14-2013 at 12:58 AM.
I think if you talk about it in the context of healthy food being available to you rather than focusing on who paid for it, it might be more palatable to him?
Explain to him that you'd like to keep some low cal treats around for when the craving hits rather than saying "I bought this, so I should get to eat it and you should stay away." I can see how that might offend him given that he is taking care of all your living expenses...
For me, it's more a matter of respect. Like the OP said she didn't want him to eat all of it, which it seems he has done in the past with other things. When I was with my ex (near the end of the relationship), he ate the last of my tortilla wraps (there were two left which I was saving for breakfast). He was big into bread, we had bread which I wasn't eating. It wasn't the fact that he ate some that was the issue, it was that he ate the last two, and I didn't have anything to put my peanut butter on that day.
But just wanted to say that the same thing happened to me today with my low calorie bread! I caught my visiting step-dad eating it and quickly pointed him to the normal, nicer, fluffy bread that he had not seen!
Your description of normal bread made me laugh because I was *just* telling my friend the other day how I bought "normal" bread the other day because my weight watchers bread was like eating 2 pieces of air!
Quote:
Originally Posted by shcirerf
So we have an agreement, on things like that, if there is only one left, (he gets home from work before I do), and he wants it, he needs to call me and let me know.
I don't care if he eats it, but don't eat the last one and leave me hanging!
This! When I first moved in with my roommate this is exactly what she said. She said "you can eat any of my food that you want, but just make sure there's at least 1 left for me or replace it if you eat it all". It was so nice to just hear someone's boundary/expectation right up front, I always stuck to it and never disrespected it.
I'd buy 2 sets of Popsicles next time. Regulars and your special kind. Just say hey dad I felt bad about before and bought you your very own box of pops. That way he stays outta yours, he feels like you understand where he's coming from, and no one feels bad.
My dad was always the same way with food in the house. Like even if he didn't like it he'd eat the crap outta everything and there was no one's special food left, ever. I totally get it.
If you're over 18 and you're in my house and you have things in my fridge, I'll eat and or drink it if I feel like it. I pay the rent and its my fridge XD Sorry thats just how it is (for me). Friends leave beer and alcohol in our fridge all the time when they leave after parties and expect us to leave it there til next time..thats valueble fridge space, that beer/liquer is getting drunk. lol. Sorry if it sounds cruel but I have friends who are older than me even who still live with their parents and everyday I get texts about how they spent their allowence (or small bit or odd job money) on some sort of special food or piece of clothing and now their mom has either eaten that special food or ruined that special clothing while SHE did the laundry. Omg. As an adult living on my own and paying for everything and doing everything myself , you have no idea how frustrating it is to hear them whine. They don't pay a cent and get free utilities , rent, and food and then complain? my god. Sorry I'm on the soap box but truely it is annoying.
It is your fathers house, he pays the mortgage, pays the bills, buys the groceries. He allows you , his adult child, to live there expense free and you are mad over a popsicle or any other food for that matter?? In my opinion, you are 100% in the wrong. If this is harsh, and I guess maybe it is, but it is also a small wake up call to the real world that is beyond your parents door.
Last edited by Happymomof2; 04-14-2013 at 07:35 PM.
Ok ...I am going to say this ! it is some stinking Popsicles It is not something that is very expensive! I would not Ever tell my parent that about food!
It's not like your any danger of starving!
I am finding myself amazed how adult children here on the boards speak to their parents.
I am my mother's caregiver I wish she could go to the freezer and eat a Popsicle .....she could eat the whole box ....I would not care!
This is food ...it is not like we are on an Island where we are fighting for survival and food is scarce!
If I was your parent I would have given you a $5 and said here you go !
Roo2
I was raised by people who believed in Southern Hospitality....who would give you the shirt off their back ...or share their last crust of bread.
My husband has stopped to render assistance to a woman who 's car broke down on the side of the rode when we had plans ...
I don't understand why we are soo upset when someone says something to slight us.....but we have no problem at saying or doing something that I inflicts harm to others.
Just wanted to put this out there ..just because we are dieting....does not give any of us a pass to be rude.
I plan on monitoring my attitude to make sure my self focus on my diet is not being perceived as or is rude.
I didn't read the replies yet so as not to be swayed by them. My gut reaction is that, yes, you were in the wrong. My understanding is that your parents pay for your food and housing. The least you could do is let it slide if he eats your $2.50 box of cookies or popsicles.
I'd be pretty offended if one of my kids told me that, after spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to raise them, they were going to make a stink over a silly box of food.
I didn't read through every post here, but one thing that popped into my head was that maybe your whole family could come to some kind of agreement about food. I'm assuming you don't have a minifridge or anything (maybe a good idea to look for one so you can stash your own food that ONLY YOU BUY in there) but maybe you could put notes on things like " *name's* do not eat!" or something on the things that are bought especially for certain people. As the other said above, your dad has a point, but at the same time, you are trying to do you thing here and have no option but to keep the things you specifically want to help you with your loss in the same fridge/freezer and everyone else. Rather than deciding who's wrong, maybe just think of ideas on how to avoid the situation in the future? Eep, sounds a little touchy! Good luck!
First, I'm in my 60s and my first thought -- and I'm not trying to be cruel, but this was the first thing to go through my head -- was how old are you? 12?
Both of my parents are dead. My sister is dead. I would give them every sugar free popsicle in the world to eat if it would bring them back. Is it an irritant that your dad eats your "stuff"? Evidently to you it is. Is this something worth spending more than 2 seconds on? Nope.
First, I'm in my 60s and my first thought -- and I'm not trying to be cruel, but this was the first thing to go through my head -- was how old are you? 12?
Both of my parents are dead. My sister is dead. I would give them every sugar free popsicle in the world to eat if it would bring them back. Is it an irritant that your dad eats your "stuff"? Evidently to you it is. Is this something worth spending more than 2 seconds on? Nope.
I guess I was right in feeling bad after I said that, and I honestly did. The popsicles are a silly thing to worry about, and y'all are right. I was just in the moment and frustrated over something silly.
But I feel like y'all are shaming me for still living at home. I'm just trying to save my money so I actually CAN live on my own. I don't know anyone that I can roommate with right now, so if I move out I'll be totally alone and I can't afford to live by myself; I probably could afford it if I had a roommate. There are cheap places to live around here but they're in really bad parts of town that I don't feel comfortable living in by myself. So, if I want a safe place to live, then I have to stay home for a little while so I can afford to live somewhere and not be worried about getting shot. If my parents are not rushing me to get out and care enough about me to take care of me until I get to a point to where I can be totally independent, why shouldn't I take advantage of that? I'm very fortunate and grateful for everything they do for me; I know not everyone has that kind of deal and it is wrong of me to gripe about something so insignificant like a box of popsicles. But ya know, not everyone that lives at home with their parents is a bum. I wish people would stop assuming that. =/
I'm not trying to shame you for still living at home. To me it falls into the "kids today..." category. I don't understand it, but I know its what a lot of young adults do. Which is so funny to me because when I was your age, we all couldn't WAIT to move out of our parents' houses. As soon as we graduated college (1987) and found a job, we were out on our own. It's what we wanted, and it's what our parents expected. I know that's not the way it is anymore, although its definitely the expectation my DH and I are trying to instill in our sons (ages 12 & 14).
