It's hard to tell but it sounds like he's still with the girlfriend? If so, be respectful of that. Go ahead and meet him, but be respectful -- if it looks like things could progress further, then handle it the right way.
If you meet him and he's all gung-ho about getting together with you, keep in mind that how he deals with his current girlfriend speaks volumes about who he is and what to expect from a relationship with him.
He's been with this other girl for over a year, and says she's "nice, but not you"?? There's something wrong with that. Does she know you exist?
You need to meet each other. Many people here will probably disagree with me (and that's fine, this is just my personal opinion) but I don't believe you can truly fall in love with someone over phone calls and text, having never met in person. You need to meet in person and see what, if anything is there. Have you skyped? (Sorry, I watch Catfish, so I'm suspicious of these things. LOL.)
So suggest meeting to him and go from there. But if he is still with this other girl, please be mindful and respectful of that, and go in only with the intention of a friendship and make that clear to him.
If you aren't going to meet, then you have to let go of the fantasy of him. Easier said than done I know, but as someone already mentioned, if you're constantly comparing guys to one you've never met in real life, the other guys will always fall short.
Good luck!
I think ultimately, you know your answer, your just looking for somebody to tell you the same thing so you can go ahead. GO FOR IT! Life is way to short to live with regrets, and what ifs, and should I's! You guys obviously have a connection that you can't find with anybody else, so your answer is right in front of you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but I think we know and you know what you should do!
He's been with this other girl for over a year, and says she's "nice, but not you"?? There's something wrong with that. Does she know you exist?
You need to meet each other. Many people here will probably disagree with me (and that's fine, this is just my personal opinion) but I don't believe you can truly fall in love with someone over phone calls and text, having never met in person. You need to meet in person and see what, if anything is there. Have you skyped? (Sorry, I watch Catfish, so I'm suspicious of these things. LOL.)
So suggest meeting to him and go from there. But if he is still with this other girl, please be mindful and respectful of that, and go in only with the intention of a friendship and make that clear to him.
If you aren't going to meet, then you have to let go of the fantasy of him. Easier said than done I know, but as someone already mentioned, if you're constantly comparing guys to one you've never met in real life, the other guys will always fall short.
Good luck!
I completely agree with this. If this girl is "nice, but not you"...why hasn't he taken more pains to actually meet you? To be honest, it's flat out unfair and disrespectful to his supposed gf. I agree with what others have said...either meet him and see if there's any kind of possibility of a friendship/relationship, or just move on with your life. You can't go on forever pining over someone you haven't met.
And you're all right, I know the answer..I need to meet him BUT
I don't know what to do about the his girlfriend situation. I'm sure hes happy with her and I am happy for them. I actually WANT him to have relationships and have a chance to be with other people before getting involved with me. I do want to be respectful of their relationship. I have no plans to break it up. But then so what do I do? Wait until its over? That could be a long time. I am not ready to make any moves right now and I think my weight is to blame for that. I have always fantasized about being back down to my goal weight and feeling great about myself before I actually met him...
But does that mean I think he will like me better??
But should he still be in this relationship when I'm ready, what should I do? I know he would give me a second chance, I'm almost 99% sure, the ball is totally in my court now.
I think we can hype things up for ourselves. If you are comparing every relationship/guy to someone you've never met, they'll never win. I'd say try to meet up with this Jason of yours. Has he ever offered to come meet you? If not, that'd be sort of a yellow if not red flag that he isn't as he says he is.
Yes he has, he was going to come to meet me. It was me who told him not to after freaking out!!
I have been reading this thread with interest and thinking about both sides of the coin.
I'm not sure I'd want a man who would drop his girlfriend just because someone "on the internet" said they finally wanted to meet me after all this time.
Hopefully he's with her because he has feelings for her, not just stringing her along until something better comes along (whether it's you or someone else).
And we don't want him to cheat on her with you as that would say a lot about his character (not that you would do that, just putting it out there).
I guess you can put it out to him that you are interested if the time is ever right for you both. But I wouldn't stop living your life if he's attached to someone now. If it's meant to be, it will work out.
I have been reading this thread with interest and thinking about both sides of the coin.
I'm not sure I'd want a man who would drop his girlfriend just because someone "on the internet" said they finally wanted to meet me after all this time.
Hopefully he's with her because he has feelings for her, not just stringing her along until something better comes along (whether it's you or someone else).
And we don't want him to cheat on her with you as that would say a lot about his character (not that you would do that, just putting it out there).
I guess you can put it out to him that you are interested if the time is ever right for you both. But I wouldn't stop living your life if he's attached to someone now. If it's meant to be, it will work out.
Thank you for this! I have been trying to see both sides as well. The last bit you said summed it all up for me. If its meant to be, it will work out. I guess in sorts I have let him go, and if he is meant to be mine, he will come back.
I think that you really need to move on if that is your decision.
If you decided to meet him now, as others have said, you'd make it clear that you are meeting him as a friend and that is all. Who knows, you may meet him and find out he isn't your type or you aren't his. Just don't let this guy ruin your chance to be happy with another guy.
I think it is very easy to fall in love online. I've been there. Meet him and see if there is a spark there in person.
I also think that when a person reflects on an old flame, it is so easy to build them up to be something they are not.
....... I would also be cautious of this. Make sure "Jason" is in love with you, not this idealized version of you that he has built up in his head, too.
I am all for two people falling in love, just be careful. Good luck!
I agree with this. It's so easy to romanticize someone you've never met. Things are often different when you meet in person. Having said that, meet him! Go for it! Just don't expect Jason to be a perfect prince charming.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desiderata
It's hard to tell but it sounds like he's still with the girlfriend? If so, be respectful of that. Go ahead and meet him, but be respectful -- if it looks like things could progress further, then handle it the right way.
If you meet him and he's all gung-ho about getting together with you, keep in mind that how he deals with his current girlfriend speaks volumes about who he is and what to expect from a relationship with him.
Yes--you are both in love with the "idea" of the other person. Since you've never actually met one another, it's easy to do. You need to meet and get it over with. Otherwise, no other relationship will ever have a chance to grow. If you "click" in person--great. If not, you can move on with your lives and not always wonder "what if?"
Yes - Definitely meet him. I echo the sentiment that the fantasy may be better than the reality.
Assuming you meet him in a public place and safety issues of meeting a stranger are addressed, the worse case scenario - there is no click and your online fling doesn't translate into reality. At least then you can move on and stop holding out for the fantasy.
Best case scenario - he is the man of your dreams and the guy you shoul dbe with.
If you meet him and he's all gung-ho about getting together with you, keep in mind that how he deals with his current girlfriend speaks volumes about who he is and what to expect from a relationship with him.
And I will parrot the advice - it's applicable here.
These kinds of men do the same thing to other women too - but I think sometimes we are so excited at the prospect of a decent date that we ignore the obvious signs.
One of my long-distance online friendships ended up becoming a romantic long-distance online relationship. I can totally understand not wanting to meet the guy until you've lost more weight, but trust me, the right guy won't care; I know this from experience (I eventually moved out of state to be with my online flame and we've now been married for three years). The last thing you want to do is put your life on hold, because your life is happening right now regardless of what you weigh.
And speaking of your life being now, live your life to its fullest and don't put all your eggs into his basket; regardless of anything being said, he's currently dating someone else. I'm saying this as kindly as possible, but it isn't healthy to be all wishy-washy over the situation. If you're not ready to meet him now, it's probably best to just give him up altogether. You can't spend your life full of what-if's over an ideal relationship that never really started, as it robs you of any happiness you may find without him in your life. Also keep in mind that if he's ready to leave his current girl for you, what's to stop him from doing the same when someone "better" than you comes along?
Just my opinion though. Good luck on whatever you decide and keep us posted!
I can totally understand not wanting to meet the guy until you've lost more weight, but trust me, the right guy won't care; I know this from experience (I eventually moved out of state to be with my online flame and we've now been married for three years). The last thing you want to do is put your life on hold, because your life is happening right now regardless of what you weigh. 
If you're not ready to meet him now, it's probably best to just give him up altogether. You can't spend your life full of what-if's over an ideal relationship that never really started, as it robs you of any happiness you may find without him in your life. Also keep in mind that if he's ready to leave his current girl for you, what's to stop him from doing the same when someone "better" than you comes along?
