"You're cute, but..."
"You're an awesome girl, but..."
"You're such a nice person, you'll find someone."
It all boils down to this - you are cute, awesome, nice, fun, etc. but I don't want you.
Sometimes I just want to cut them off and say, "Spare me." I'm invisible and I know it, I'm not an idiot.
A friend just said this to me and it bugged me more than it usually does. I liked him, still do to some extent, and was flirting with him last year. Then he got a girlfriend. We stopped talking for a while after that, we both just got busy. Next thing I know, he's back and randomly flirting with me. I get the, "You're a cute girl, you'll find someone" and "You're awesome, but I'm taken. Flirting is just innocent and fun." No, it's not. It's a reminder that I have fallen short of being someone worth noticing for almost two years and your name is on the list of "men who don't want me".
He's a nice guy, don't get me wrong. He just doesn't know the full extent of the situation or how bad I feel. It's like being passed around constantly; "Here, I don't want her, you take her." "I don't want her either...here, do you want her?" "Nah, maybe he will. Hey, buddy, want her?" "No, thanks. She's nice though, someone else will want her."
I feel like crying. I know no one can help me so I suppose I'm just venting. I've been single for almost two years after being cheated on - twice - so sometimes I get down.
Oh boy, do I know how you feel! I'm in that situation right now, including being single for 2 years (well, just over). It sucks. I'm sorry you're dealing with it too. I know nothing I say will help, but if you want to vent, feel free to PM me.
Venting is probably the best thing to do in that situation. No point holding it in. It will just make you bitter. It really is annoying when people say something like that. It's like they are really saying "You're not bad, but you're also not good enough for me."
Most people would say don't cry, but it really does make you feel better most times, so just do it if you want.
You are deserving of so much more than that.
Spend time taking care of yourself and following your dreams and leave people who can't see how special you are in the past.
I remember a song by Garth Brooks called Thank God For Unanswered Prayers,basically if he had got the girl he prayed for all his life ..he would not have gotten his beautiful wife.
Things in life may not be going the way we may want them to but that doesn't mean they can't lead us to a much better place then we could have ever imagined.
Good Luck, Roo2
To some extent, you must believe those things about yourself as well. I know you didn't ask for advice, but I'll give you some anyway Stop allowing people to treat you this way! Cut those people out if their behaviors don't stop. Things tend to stay the same when no changes are made, so make some changes!!! Best of luck to you!!!
One of the best things I ever did for myself was learn to be alone with myself.
Not in a sad depressing way either. I learned to be my own best friend and lover. I am taking care of myself. I entertain myself.
Yes I have good friends and we hang out, and I also get social interaction with my family often, but as far as needing someone else to 'complete me'? Forget about it.
I know it feels bad to be rejected but you have to be there to pick yourself up and move on. It's really true that you won't be loved if you can't love yourself.
And that doesn't mean looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you love yourself once. That means striving everyday to care for yourself and nurture your soul, your body, your hobbies and interests and your career. As long as you're doing that everyday eventually someone worth being with is going to notice you and be blown away by how independent you are.
Also, I have heard that love often comes easiest when you aren't looking for it.
I personally am not in love with anyone except myself, my family and my two best friends. That's all I need right now, and if I grow old and never find another person to live the 'married' life with that's okay with me. There's a million things I want to do before I die and I'll find a friend or I'll take my sisters with me to do them.
I've been in tons of shitty relationships, so my advice might not be so solid, but I'm happy. Without a significant other.
some people don't know how to be single so they jump from relationship to relationship even if it's a bad one. i know people who have boyfriends/girlfriends just so they can say that they aren't single.
so what if i'm 23 and never had a boyfriend. i've been in love with one person but it would never work between us. and i like being single, my life is hectic as it is.
lovedancelive- so what if you haven't found your special someone yet, you still have plenty of time. you don't need to rush into these things. i'm sorry it didn't work out with your crush but why should you settle with less than your worth?
If just means none of those people were meant to be- and you're never going to find your true one if you're stick with the wrong person, so keep your head up! Love Love Love
@penmage Thank you and the same to you if you ever need someone to talk to. =)
@Batou Exactly! I'd rather they just keep those statements to themselves. If they really found me so beautiful, amazing, wonderful, etc. wouldn't one of them want me? It's a total copout! Just don't say anything at all, it's better that way!
@Roo2 Thank you, I'll try to remember that. =)
@LockItUp Advice is always welcome. =) You make a good point, I have a number of really cruddy people in my life - "friends" who call on me when they need something and forget me the rest of the time. I don't know why this friend is acting this way though, he's not really the type to be an ***. =/ I'll just have to distance myself.
@thewalrus0 I haven't been looking for it actually. I haven't been out on a date since September. I met a guy back then who threw me under the bus like so many others before him and I just decided I'd had enough. He said he was single but was sleeping around with his gf/ex/whatever, some drug addicted gold digger. After he told me "you're everything she isn't", he went running back to her anyways. I thought she was about to come beat me down and I hadn't even done anything wrong!
So I continued on my weight loss journey, set goals for myself, etc.. I'd go to work and think, "I kinda look good today…" Sometimes I felt a bounce in my step - I've lost 40+ pounds after all! And then some days I'd say it and then pause and think…who are you kidding? That cute guy at work is eyeing the 5'6", 110 lb blonde in stilettos. That guy you really wanted to date so bad it hurt to be away from him picks the hotties. You're feeling attractive but when you really stop and think about it, no one is beating down your door… It's very self-defeating, I know.
@misssunshine I've only been in one relationship. It lasted 4 years and I've been single since June of 2011. I tried dating but like I said above, I got kicked around a lot.
So I continued on my weight loss journey, set goals for myself, etc.. I'd go to work and think, "I kinda look good today…" Sometimes I felt a bounce in my step - I've lost 40+ pounds after all! And then some days I'd say it and then pause and think…who are you kidding? That cute guy at work is eyeing the 5'6", 110 lb blonde in stilettos. That guy you really wanted to date so bad it hurt to be away from him picks the hotties. You're feeling attractive but when you really stop and think about it, no one is beating down your door… It's very self-defeating, I know.
I think you need to put yourself in situations where the men you are meeting are interested in more than just the physical. Where they are looking for an emotional connection, an intellectual connection. To always feel like you are competing on a physical basis sounds exhausting and deflating. Be yourself and look for someone that you have that mind-warping, mind-melding mental connection with.
"You're cute, but..."
"You're an awesome girl, but..."
"You're such a nice person, you'll find someone."
It all boils down to this - you are cute, awesome, nice, fun, etc. but I don't want you.
Sometimes I just want to cut them off and say, "Spare me." I'm invisible and I know it, I'm not an idiot.
A friend just said this to me and it bugged me more than it usually does. I liked him, still do to some extent, and was flirting with him last year. Then he got a girlfriend. We stopped talking for a while after that, we both just got busy. Next thing I know, he's back and randomly flirting with me. I get the, "You're a cute girl, you'll find someone" and "You're awesome, but I'm taken. Flirting is just innocent and fun." No, it's not. It's a reminder that I have fallen short of being someone worth noticing for almost two years and your name is on the list of "men who don't want me".
He's a nice guy, don't get me wrong. He just doesn't know the full extent of the situation or how bad I feel. It's like being passed around constantly; "Here, I don't want her, you take her." "I don't want her either...here, do you want her?" "Nah, maybe he will. Hey, buddy, want her?" "No, thanks. She's nice though, someone else will want her."
I feel like crying. I know no one can help me so I suppose I'm just venting. I've been single for almost two years after being cheated on - twice - so sometimes I get down.
Eff them. Sexual appeal starts with confidence. If you feel ugly, trust me it shows. If you feel sexy.. well that shows too.
Hopefully wiht the weight loss you'll gain more confidence, have an amazing bod and he'll want you. But then it can be your turn to say the whole "you're amazing! but.."
There has been a somewhat unexpected downside to this weight loss - I've begun to suspect negative things of those around me.
I started talking to a new guy last night on a dating site. So far, he seems like an amazingly hilarious person to be around but he asked to see a photo of me. I'm shy, I don't take many photos of myself, so I sent him the one I took after I cut my hair last week. Then he said, "I don't mean to be a weenie but do you only have face shots? I've just been catfished in the past." On one hand, I understand - people who take only face shots to trick someone are going to get caught anyways. A person is either attracted to you or not, no use in hiding it. On the other hand, I'm thinking, "Well, I'm thin but I have faded out stretch marks...how long until he ditches me?"
I understand that attraction is important. I don't want to date someone who is obese myself, I'm not programmed to be sexually attracted to them. I'm not mean, I'm just being honest. I wouldn't have found me sexy at 181 pounds either. But now I'm looking at all of these guys thinking, "How long until you see them and leave?" I don't let it show, I still flirt and talk up a storm but it's always in the back of my head - you're going to judge me on how I look instead, I know it. It's really negative but hard to stop.
I'm going to assume you're young(ish) so if I'm wrong... sorry.
Personally, I'd stay off dating sites for a while. With the damaged self image you have at the moment, some guys can smell insecurities and hunt it down like a wounded rabbit in the woods. Serious.
And as others have said, be happy to be you, be honest with who you are and you'll find someone to match. If you're not a strong person, you'll end up changing too much to please another person just to try to make it work.
I know dating sites work for some but many people I know have met their partners just by doing the things they love, frequenting bookstores, playing video games, dancing, cooking classes, etc. They're doing what they love and meet someone with shared interests. This gives you a chance to explore what you enjoy and maybe, just maybe meet a friend that could be a boyfriend in the future.
Just don't try to force it. It's OK to be single. There's no scarlet letter for such a thing.
"You're cute, but..."
I know no one can help me so I suppose I'm just venting. I've been single for almost two years after being cheated on - twice - so sometimes I get down.
Stop allowing people to treat you this way! Cut those people out if their behaviors don't stop. Things tend to stay the same when no changes are made, so make some changes!!! Best of luck to you!!! 
< (YIM hug!)
