I wish the OP would come back and update. I've held off on my 2cents for that reason. But I do think that, in assessing your commitment to this friend and her wedding should be diminished after this. I think she texted you that you were out of the party to intentionally hurt you out of jealously for your success in the light of what she is perceiving as her failure. Anybody that would do something to hurt a friend, whether it be little jabbing remarks about ones weight loss or a big huge thing like "your out of the wedding party" is not a true friend, 17 years of knowing each other or not.
My childhood friend and I went to rehab together after high school. I recovered from drug addiction and she didn't, she relapsed and tried her darnedest to drag me down with her, even going so far as to tell people I had relapsed when I didn't. I did not hesitate to cut all ties with her despite having grown from diapers with her. while the situations are not the same, the end game is. She is now recovered and doing well, but I won't rebuild that bridge because the things she did, she did to hurt me and that spoke volumes about her character.
In regards to what John said...NOT ALL WOMEN are petty. Many of us strive to be as far from petty people as we can, because we don't like them NOR the drama they bring with them.
Never said all women. This situation seems like a perfect example of how petty women can be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dorian5
I thought this too, the blanket statement of "how petty women can be" smacks of sexism. How about how petty PEOPLE can be?
This is a great point. My apologies to anyone I have offended. However, if you're this easily offended, you may be projecting.
I was speaking about this specific situation, involving women. If it was a specific situation about two men being jealous and petty I would have said how petty men can be. In fact, if was a guy posting this, I would have told him to stop acting like a woman.
JUST KIDDING. Wow .... peopleCAN be so sensative ...
And a bomb has been casually dropped on this thread. Lol.
Have you posted that article before, Krampus? I've came across it before, and I wondered if it was you that led me to it, or random Internet searching. Found it an interesting read the first time, but I had totally forgotten about it. Thanks for posting.
Last edited by Song of Surly; 01-23-2013 at 03:27 PM.
That's a great article but I'm not sure where it applies to this thread.
"Gaslighting is a term often used by mental health professionals (I am not one) to describe manipulative behavior used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are so far off base that they're crazy."
"Those who engage in gaslighting create a reaction -- whether it's anger, frustration, sadness -- in the person they are dealing with. Then, when that person reacts, the gaslighter makes them feel uncomfortable and insecure by behaving as if their feelings aren't rational or normal."
Never said all women. This situation seems like a perfect example of how petty women can be.
This is a great point. My apologies to anyone I have offended. However, if you're this easily offended, you may be projecting.
I was speaking about this specific situation, involving women. If it was a specific situation about two men being jealous and petty I would have said how petty men can be. In fact, if was a guy posting this, I would have told him to stop acting like a woman.
JUST KIDDING. Wow .... peopleCAN be so sensative ...
I'm not projecting; I'm justified in being offended by your statement because it's a sweeping generalization about women. The OP's gender has NOTHING to do with her plight, pettiness aside.
I'm not projecting; I'm justified in being offended by your statement because it's a sweeping generalization about women. The OP's gender has NOTHING to do with her plight, pettiness aside.
I suppose it is a matter of opinion or perhaps semantics.
I say women CAN be petty when commenting on a situation about women who everyone agrees are being petty instead of saying people. To you this means I am making a sweeping generalization about women and smacks of sexism.
So far we agree 100% correct?
Where we disagree is if you are justified in being offended or not.
I am not saying you are crazy if you are offended. I just think you're too easily offended because:
A) I was not making a sweeping generalization
B) I do not believe a context relevant specific to specificly referenced women makes one sexist.
If you're not projecting - so be it. Clearly though you have personal experience that makes you feel I am being sexist because my posting history here clearly shows I am not sexist and nor does my first post in this thread, in my opinion.
Regardless - I agree both men and women can be petty.
I wish the OP would come back and update. I've held off on my 2cents for that reason. But I do think that, in assessing your commitment to this friend and her wedding should be diminished after this. I think she texted you that you were out of the party to intentionally hurt you out of jealously for your success in the light of what she is perceiving as her failure. Anybody that would do something to hurt a friend, whether it be little jabbing remarks about ones weight loss or a big huge thing like "your out of the wedding party" is not a true friend, 17 years of knowing each other or not.
My childhood friend and I went to rehab together after high school. I recovered from drug addiction and she didn't, she relapsed and tried her darnedest to drag me down with her, even going so far as to tell people I had relapsed when I didn't. I did not hesitate to cut all ties with her despite having grown from diapers with her. While the situations are not the same, the end game is. She is now recovered and doing well, but I won't rebuild that bridge because the things she did, she did to hurt me and that spoke volumes about her character.
Thanks for the great article, Krampus! Hits the nail right on the head. Anytime you group a people (gender, race, ethnicity, age, etc.) into a blanket statement, you are engaging in negative behavior.
That being said, in the US at least, I would place money on the statement that worrying about a member of your wedding party looking better than you on your wedding day is a 99% female problem.
Also I hate that article and I think that guy is annoying with his "mansplaining" title and tone.
*Update*
My friend (I’m not ready to completely give up on our friendship) and I talked this evening and are planning to get together to spend some time trying to talk this out on Saturday. I want to say thank you to those of you that realized that this post was a vent post as well as a thank you to those who made me take a step back and take another look at both the situation as well as this post. I was angry and should have taken some more time to think things through before putting this post up. I have a tendency to be hot headed as well as sarcastic shortly after something has made me really upset and this post unfortunately reflected that. I posted shortly after talking to my friend’s mom… As for the situation itself; I admit that my “deleting you now” text did not help the situation, however it was very late at night, I was upset and I lashed out. I would also like to point out that I did not ask to be a bridesmaid nor did I EXPECT it. I was asked.
We are no longer friends on Lose It! I never bragged about my weight loss or made a big deal about it with my friend as it is something I normally don’t even talk about with friends, family, etc. (my past experiences have been full of others around me trying to micromanage my weight loss). Sharing how I was doing with someone I see regularly was completely new to me and I let the ap itself do the “sharing.”
As for what I “did” to potentially cause this situation. My friend has said nothing, I can’t think of anything and we believe it was actually the result of something that occurred between my friend and someone else the night before. My friend spent Sunday watching Season 7 reruns of The Biggest Loser with another friend of hers. This woman at one point compared me to Tara and somehow it turned into a conversation about where we will all be in a year which somehow led to my friend becoming very upset. I don’t really understand it, but hopefully she will be able to clarify this weekend.
As for the wedding… I don’t know. I’m leaning towards attending, but not being a part of the wedding party. Again, Saturday will hopefully help me answer some of the questions above.
As for the “petty” women posts, etc. Ummm, wow..? I’m glad to see that people realize pettiness is not gender specific.
PS~ I'm sorry for the late response. I teach full time and am also a full time student working towards both my Masters and a second teaching certification right now...
Also I hate that article and I think that guy is annoying with his "mansplaining" title and tone.
Oh yeah, there's definitely a lot wrong with the article, but it does bring attention to gaslighting. Just about every woman has been subjected to it after all.
It's tough to stand up against it, and people look down on women who do, but I must say it's quite liberating to tell someone to stuff it when they tell you to relax
KimL, thanks for the update. Hope you find answers you are looking for. Be them right or wrong...may you know so you can decide where to go from there.
WOW! To make someone that upset without even being there...you're powerful! Is that your super-power??? (I am just kidding!!!)
If she was to be angry should have been angry at her other friend for being so insensative for pointing out such a thing OR even with herself for maybe not being as diligent perhaps? To so angry with you as to throw you out of the wedding party because of what a THIRD party said. DANG!!!
Anywhos, I wish you the best. Be the more mature person, but like I said that does NOT mean being a doormat. If you do attend the wedding, I hope YOU ROCK IT!!! Be gracious & kind, but bring your A game.
Hmmmm...a teacher working on her masters? Sweet! Then you really don't need all the drama do you? Best of luck with school!!! What do you teach?
